Destiny of a Not So Final Fantasy
by Shadray
Summary: What happens when a practically insane kid from Earth is brought to Spira and joins Yuna's pilgrimage? I'll tell you what: angry stampedes, love, cat fights, creepy people crawling out of TVs, and most of all, destiny. Oh, AND an actual plotline! n.n
1. DESTINY Of The Beginning

Author's Note: So, you have come to read this Fan Fic, eh? Well, there is some mild cursing, and some serious action and humor in this, so if you hate these things, beware. I am not warning you again. You must decide now: are you staying or leaving? Because once you read the first chapter of this, I expect you to read each and every other one. If you don't, Yevon will severely punish you and your descendants for all of eternity. This is your decision: read this or die. (Everyone runs away) No, wait!

Oh well, they all left. At least I still have my candy box! No, not "candy", "candy BOX". Yes, I happen to be gnawing on an empty box of Nerds (the candy, not the geeks) at this very moment.

EWW! Sorry, but I just took it out of my mouth and looked at it. Ugh, disgusting.

Disclaimer: _Must _I write this disclaimer? I suppose so. All characters from Final Fantasy X do _not _belong to me. Do not sue me because I am but a broke teen, and I have no money to give, no money to spend, no money to lose, no money to stash, no money to look at, no money to sniff—basically, I have no money at all.

Quote: "There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul." —Ella Wheeler Wilcox

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Destiny Of A Not-So-Final Fantasy  
_Chapter One: FATE of The Beginning_

_There is silence. Nothing can be heard except for the rustling of the dead, fallen leaves as they fly around the bonfire, gallingly. No trees move, no mouths move, as the guardians sit silently, staring out into the open. A golden, setting sun lights up the afternoon sky, providing not only warmth, but hope._

_Suddenly standing up, a fourteen-year-old boy rests his hand on Yuna's shoulder and smiles weakly. Tidusproduces a jealous growlfrom behind him, but otherwise says nothing.Sighing, the boy moves to the edge of the hill, gazing out into the once occupied city. Since those early days a thousand years ago, the city had become nothing more than a remnant of death._

_"Listen to my story," the boy demands. "This . . . may be our last chance." _

_Continuing to walk closer to the edge of the hill, the boy trips and lands twitching on the ground with two chipped teeth anda broken bone. _

_Okay, so much for that beginning. This is where it REALLY began. And if it isn't, well, you'll just have to believe it anyway:_

"NNOO, NNOO, NNOO!"

Darius glared at the television screen unhappily and watched Tidus lay, sprawled out on the floor. Seeing the words, "G-A-M-E-O-V-E-R" flashing incessantly on the screen, Darius angrily picked up the playstation and chucked it out the window, creating a loud shattering noise.

Still not satisfied, the fourteen-year-old began hurling random objects from under his bed out the window as well, creating more shattering noises.

How DARE Seymour kill Tidus! And then, after Tidus had died, the evil man just stood there, smirking, like he was having the time of his life. How could someone be so cruel? So mean? So terribly ugly and hideous?

Soon, there was nothing left in his room to chuck, except for his mirror (which he would NEVERR throw away) and his TV set (which he would've thrown away, if only Teen Titans wasn't coming on later that night). Plus, the window had now been complete shattered, leaving nothing but an open rectangle.

The boy frowned, realizing he could no longer spend countless hours playing Final Fantasy X, OR Kingdom Hearts (although he hadn't even gotten to Atlantica yet). But he also frowned because of the bothersome voice screaming at him from the other side of the bedroom door.

"RAISHAD MOMAR HARDNETT!" it screeched. "OPEN THIS DOOR, IMMEDIATELY!"

"Mom, I told you to call me 'Darius'!" he yelled back.

True, he hated his real names (all three), and was planning to get them legally changed to 'Darius DeRikku Johnson' the second he turned eighteen. Or was it even possible to change your last name? Darius didn't know, didn't care.

"**OPEN THE DOOR NOW!**" demanded the infuriated 51-year-old.

"But-but-but-but-but-but-but. . ."

But it didn't matter. The woman had already slammed her foot on down on the door, forcing the entire thing (hinges, and all) to come crashing to the floor, wildly.

"RAISHAD!" she boomed, seeing the shattered glass and empty room. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"

"Uhh . . . I . . . uh . . . saw the messy room and decided to .. . clean up?" lied Raishad/Darius.

He began to slowly move towards the other side of the room after seeing his mother's left eye start to twitch.

"NO YOU DIDN'T! YOU '_DECIDED_' TO THROW ALL OF YOUR JUNK OUT THE WINDOW!"

"Hey, you're good."

"SHUT UP! YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR THREE _YEARS_! AND YOU'LL BE THE ONE TO PAY FOR ALL OF THIS!" she continued bellowing. "AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR ALGEBRA TEST TOMORROW? HMM? DID YOU STUDY?"

"Uh-huh. Yeah."

Darius's mother, Sharon, glared evilly at him with twitching eyes, chaotic hair, and nasty-looking wrinkles.

"Okay," she said. "If you HAVE, then I'll just ask you a few questions: 'Jan has 3 hours to do her homework because she has gymnastics. She has exactly 30 minutes to do her reading homework and it usually takes her 1 hour to do science homework. Math takes her **3x** minutes to do. She has 3 math problems and each problem takes her around 15 minutes to do. Find **'x' **and how much free time Jan has.' "

Darius sighed. "Jan should skip school the next day and do it then."

"NO. WRONG. NOW GO TAKE OUT THE DOG!"

Darius sighed. Rebelling against his mother was just as useless as chewing on empty candy boxes.

He was making his way to the laundry room (where his dog, Trunks, was) when he heard the doorbell ring. Happy that he'd have an excuse not to take the dog for a few minutes, Darius grinned and swung open the door, seeing a old friend at the doorstep.

"Brie? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, sorry, but I saw that you left your playstation outside," cried the girl with black, shiny hair that reached her shoulders, "So, I decided to bring it to you. Oh, and did you beat Seymour yet?"

When Darius shook his head and saw Brie cackling, he had to resist the urge to pull out achain sawand swipe it clean off of that pretty neck of hers. "Why, have you?"

"Of course! I could help you if you want, you know."

"That's . . .fine with me." Turning around, he cried, "MOM! BRIE'S GONNA HELP ME STUDY THE ALGEBRA TEST, OKAY?" He didn't receive an answer, but ushered the girl inside, anyway.

When he stepped back into the arctic house (Darius's mom was too cheap to turn on the heat), he noticed a blonde girl with massive, circular glasses standing behind her. "Uhh, who's this?"

Brie looked confused for a second, but then her face cleared. "Oh, this is Abby. You know, my kind-neighbor-that-enjoys-talking-and-is-extremely-smart-and-I-asked-her-to-come-with-me-to-your-house? Yeah, this is she."

"Hello," greeted Kind-Neighbor-That-Enjoys-Talking-And-Is-Extremely-Smart-And-I-Asked-Her-To-Come-With-Me-To-Your-House.

Too lazy to respond, Darius shoved the two into his room (trying to ignore the death glare that his mother was giving him as he did so) and hooked the playstation up to the TV. At first, it didn't turn on.

"Lemme give it a try," Abby suggested. "I mastered the art of renovating televisions when I was four."

Darius shrugged and moved aside.

Abby examined the televisions from all sides and views, fixing her glasses as she did so. Just when Darius thought she might have known how to fix the TV, she said "Aha!" and began beating it with her forehead.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Darius cried, pulling out his hair. Brie must have been thinking the same, for all three—I mean _two—_of her eyebrows were raised.

"I'm fixing the TV, what does it LOOK like?" Abby said, still thrashing it wildly.

_NOO! She's only going to make things worse! I'm not going to be able to watch Teen Titans tonight!_ Darius cried internally. 

Darius was just about to throw the girl in a choke hold when the TV suddenly flashed on.

_Oh! _he thought, happily. "Thanks, Abby!"

But something was wrong.

The TV wasn't on a channel. I was just . . . _on_. A blurry, snowy noise came from the speakers, and nothing but gray and black specks could be seen on the screen.

"Oh NO!" Darius and Brie screamed aloud. They both had seen the movies, "The Ring", "The Ring 2", AND "White Noise" together at the movie theatre before, and now it seemed as if their worst nightmare were coming true.

So there they were. Abby still banging her head on the TV set, Darius's mom glaring at them from outside the room, and Darius and Brie screaming bloody murder.

"AHH!" Darius shouted.

"THE RING GIRL HAS COME TO KILL US!" exclaimed Brie, holding Darius's hand tightly.

A short, bloody, rotten girl, with fangs for teeth, and long, black hair pulled over her face crawled out of the TV and grabbed both Darius and Abby's arms. Darius, who was holding Brie's hand, tried to squirm free of the nasty little Ring girl's grasp, but it didn't work. Brie, who tried to snatch Darius away, tried to pull him forward, but it didn't work. And Abby, two tried to bang her head on the TV set, couldn't, because she was also being pulled into the TV.

No, actually, none of that happened. But someone DID come out of the TV. It was a kind, gentle woman. She looked familiar to Darius, but he couldn't place a finger on it.

Brie was the first to react. "WTF, MATE!"

The woman did not respond to Brie. Instead, she faced Darius and smiled. "You have come to fulfil your destinies?"

"Uhh . . . no, we have _come _to play Final Fantasy X! Now buzz off, lady."

"You must choose," said the woman, calmly, "between life or death. Truth or lies. Fate or misery. Love or hate."

Abby finally stopped banging her head against the television and looked up, screaming.

The woman continued, as if the only person she could see was Darius.

"Your fate will not come to you," she said.

Confused, Darius stared blankly at the woman. Eventually, his face cleared as he responded. "Um. Whatever you say."

The room went white. All anyone could hear was whispers, but no one had any ideas where they were coming from.

_"This is your story. This is your story. This is your story. . ."_


	2. The Beginning Of DESTINY

Hello nine reviewers! For this chapter, I use '...' for thoughts, and "..." for speech.

Disclaimer- All I own is...Darius, and some random other characters, and this fic. Please enjoy!

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"Destiny Of A Not-So-Final Fantasy"  
Chapter 2: The Beginning Of FATE

"Wake up, sir!" pleaded a childish voice.

Darius groaned (internally and externally) and turned on his stomach.

"Sir?" repeated the voice. "Are you okay?"

Darius groaned (actually, it was more like a "_moan_"than a "groan") again. "Rikku? Is that you?"

"Please wake up, sir!"

"Hey, don't call me 'sir'. . .call me Darius," grumbled Darius.

The distinct sound of flesh connecting with flesh erupted through Darius's ears. He jumped up, rubbing his stinging cheek. "OW! Who DID that!" Darius screamed, throwing himself into a fighting stance.

When everyone quickly turned the other way and started whistling, he sighed and noticed the HUGE city in front of him. "Dream Zanarkand," he said aloud, smacking himself (which really hurt, considering the fact that the boy had just been smacked two times in a row). What was going on?

A nasty-looking girl, probably about a head shorter than Darius, walked up to him and squealed. Others followed. "Are you Tidus?" she asked in a croaky, raspy voice.

Forcing a smile on his face and trying not to scream from the sound of her voice, Darius slowly shook his head. "Uhh, no. Do I LOOK like Tidus?"

"Oh, that's a shame," said another girl. "We all thought you were hot."

'Hmm,' he pondered, thinking deeply. 'This could be interesting.'

"I mean, YEAH I'm Tidus! I'm that blitzball guy from Final Fantasy X!" he shouted, waving his arms in the air. But then, seeing the confused expressions on their nasty-looking faces, he quickly regretted it.

"Umm, okay. . ." said a confused little girl, holding a blue ball in front of her face. "Anyway, can you sign our blitzballs?"

Darius hesitated and then said, "No."

"Why not?"

"I'm too lazy."

"Please?" she begged, on the floor.

Finally giving up, Darius sighed heavily (but hey, they all thought he was famous!) and snatched the pen from her, writing _Darius—Uhh, I mean Tidus _on the blitzball.

"Teach us how to blitz!" cried a trio of ugly boys.

'Wow. Maybe I should just tell these kids who I really am,' Darius thought, annoyed. But then he realized he could be getting a WHOLE bunch of hot and sexy girls by playing along with their little game. "Uhh. Maybe tomorrow?" he said, remembering what the REAL Tidus had said in the game.

The fourteen-year-old was just about to slip away from the crowd of rambunctious teens when a small boy with a purple hood pulled over his face slowly walked up to him. "You can't tomorrow," he said creepily.

"Oh, I mean the NEXT day," Darius quickly replied.

"You can't _that_ day, either."

"Then, when CAN I?" he screamed at him, annoyed, because the fans were leaving.

"**NEVERR!"**

The fayth boy grinned evilly (Darius never liked him too much; he reminded him of The Ring. . .wow, was he obsessed) and faded into the night.

"HEYY! YOU COME BACK HERE!" Darius called after him. "I'M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU!" But it was already too late. All the "fans" were gone (they probably realized he wasn't really Tidus) and were now walking toward the blitzball stadium. The fayth boy had now completely dissapeared into the night.

Sighing, he walked on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and and ON, not knowing where he was going.

'Why in the crap am I in Zanarkand, anyway?' Darius thought bitterly. 'And why in the CRAPPY crap do people think I'm Tidus? And why in the DAMN crappy crap does that fayth child have to be so creepy? And what about Brie and Abby? What about my mom? What HAPPENED to everyone? What is going ON! **DAMN YOU, YEVON, DAMN YOU!**'

Fuming with anger, Darius stopped walking as he came to the blitzball stadium, and made sure no one was watching him.

After managing to sneak inside, he took a back row seat and snatched away a bag of popcorn from a woman sitting next to him. Unfortunately, since he was sitting so far back, he had to watch the replay screen on the TV sitting a few rows ahead, instead of watching the LIVE game. 'Well, at least if the TV breaks, we'll all know who to call!' Darius pondered, thinking of Abby.

Munching happily, the teen cheered and waved his arms in the air as the REAL Tidus zoomed through the water (wait a minute, HOW do Final Fantasy X characters hold their breath that long? The game designers should have thought a little bit more on that one…I mean, really, we aren't fish. Or _ARE_ we? Hmm…spooky…) and tossed the ball into the goal! 'Yeah! A point!' Darius thought, grinning.

Unfortunately, the grin faded into a deep frown as the woman next to him realized that he had stolen her beloved popcorn, and she snatched it away rudely. Of course, Darius was still hungry, so he decided to steal it back. Eventually, it turned into a game of tug-a-war, with neither of the two winning. 'Forget blitzball,' he thought. 'THIS is the REAL game.'

From the side, bodyguards and such heard all the ruckus and came stomping over to where Darius sat. They asked to "see his 'ticket' ", and . . . well . . . to make a long story short, he was thrown out of the stadium and landed out on the cold, hard street on his ass.

"Damn you, bitches!" Darius screamed at the guards (although they were IN the stadium, he wasn't).

Random people walking down the street gave Darius a strange look.

"And just WHAT are YOU looking at?"

"Your mom."

Darius threw a large rock at one of them.

After a little bit, the same rock came hurling back towards his face.

Darius dodged it just in time. "HAHA, YOU MISSED, YOU UNLUCKY BASTARDS!"

'Phew!' Darius thought, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

For a second or two, Darius sat on the cold ground, looking up into the sky peacefully.

All was silent and tranquil.

Then another rock came and smashed him into a trillion different pieces.

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At the same time, Auron was just outside the blitzball arena, looking out over the city. It was HIS responsablility to watch _him_, and no one else's. Auron wouldn't ever forget the promise that he had made. Not now.

As a sudden beam of blue light flew into the stadium, Auron smirked to himself. "It begins."

(WHY Auron was so pleased when he saw the blitzball stadium collapse, I do not not know. I mean really, who LAUGHS at the sight of death? Other than me, that is.)

People from the stands of the stadium were already screaming.

From the impact of the attack, Tidus came crashing down on the street, ironically beside Auron.

"Auron!" Tidus shouted. "What are youdoing here?"

"I was waiting for you," replied the 35-year-old man, calmly.

Tidus didn't get it. "What are you talking about?"

The man didn't immediately respond. He instead looked upward and pointed toward a colossal sea-monster towering high above the city, rampaging about. "We called it 'Sin,'" he said, tossing Tidus a long, bloodstained sword.

"Sin? And what's this?"

"A gift from Jecht. I hope you know how to use it."

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"SIN!"

RANDOM freaks screamed from inside the stadium (which was now crumbling) and ran outside wildly, stampeding all over Darius's back (who was still lying on the ground, recovering from the rock-attack).

"OWW! Ugg. . .ouch!" he groaned, "Hey, watch the HAIR, old lady! Ow, get offa me, AHW!"

Eventually, the stampede subsided and Darius was free to lay on the ground in peace.

Then, one last person came screaming, stepping all over Darius once again.

"HEYY! YOU'RE LATE!" Darius yelled after him.

After the freak left, he remembered what happened next in the game. "DAMMIT!" he shouted, struggling to stand up and follow the rest of the screaming mob. 'Sin!'

But before the fourteen-year-old could even get up, he was trampled on once again, but this time by a beleaguered duo of men. A dark blonde haired boy and a. . .gray-ish-brown-ish haired man. They were familiar to Darius. . .

"Auron? Tidus?"

The boy known as Tidus stopped and stared at the person who had called his name, frowning. "How . . . what? Who are you?"

But Auron shushed Tidus, looking Darius up and down. "You're . . . Raishad, aren't you?"

"Nooooooooooooooooo," Darius said slowly, rolling his eyes. "I'm SpongeBob."

Silence.

"Okay, well," began Darius, "if you're not going to say anything, I guess I should to get gooinngg . . ."

But Auron was still eyeing him suspiciously. And Tidus was busy fixing his hair. Finally, Auron spoke up, just in time to stop Darius from literally getting up and leaving. But then again, where would he go? An angry fish was attacking the city at the very moment, and Darius (although he already had played Final Fantasy X before—well, part of it anway) wasn't quite sure how to get back home. (Hey, if you were missing a Teen Titans episode, you'd want to get back home, too.)

"If you leave," Auron warned, "You will die."

"Are you THREATENING me?"

Tidus, now thoroughly finished with his hair, frowned. "Auron, who _is _this guy?"

"I _have _a name, you know."

"You already _told_ us: SpongeBob," Tidus exclaimed.

Unfortunately, all three of them had completely forgotten about the attack that was occuring at the moment.

"My name isn't Sponge—"

"There's no time," interrupted Auron, FINALLY speaking up. "You must come."

"And just WHERE am I 'coming' to?" asked Darius. "And will you STOP talking like a drone!"

"Your fate lies in your hands. You must choose between life or death. Truth or lies. Fate or misery. Love or hate," the old man (who looked WAAY older than his true age, 35) stated.

'W.T.F.?' Darius thought. Hadn't he heard that sentence before?

Nevertheless, Auron began to leave, Tidus right behind him. Darius, realizing that he had no other way of getting home, decided to follow.

Everyone—especially Darius—was dashing too fast, all lost deep in thought, to notice the raiding monster had just released its spawn out on the town. Auron was the first to sense it. He stopped moving, for everyone was suddenly surrounded by a bunch of BUTT-nasty (no, not "butt-ugly", "butt-_nasty_") fiends. They caved in slowly.

"Split up!" Auron barked at Tidus, pointing to the right half of the fiends. "I'll take these, and you and Raishad take the others!" With that, he flung Darius a long sword.

Tidus nodded and looked at Darius. "You DO know how to fight, right?"

"No."

"Oh shit. We're doomed."

Nevertheless, Auron, Tidus, and Darius lurched toward the buttnasty fiends, slashing, bashing, and gashing them with all possible effort.

"DIE, YOU BASTARDS!" Darius eventually cried, wacking five spawns at once with his ALMIGHTY strength.

But there were too many.

"Screw this," Tidus finally exclaimed. "I'm running!"

Auron and Darius were right behind him, the fiends following.

Darius was running as fast as his feet could possibly carry him, panting like a dog. When all you do is watch TV, play videogames, and **review** fanfictions (especially one entitled, "The Not-So-Final Fantasy, by Shadray (hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge)), you don't get much exercise. So Darius was one whooped teen by the time the fiends almost caught up with him.

Suddenly, Darius stopped running.

"Wait a second, my shoe's untied!" he yelled.

Time paused as Darius bent down to tie his shoe.

"Okay, done!"

Time suddenly continued.

Darius was sprinting for his life when he suddenly looked ahead of both him and Tidus, and gasped.

Auron, who was now in the lead, had came to a dead end and suddenly stopped running. His leg was purposely stretched out to the right side, therefore tripping both of the young men running behind him.

Tidus and Darius fell through the air, kicking and screaming. Okay, so Tidus was the one kicking, and Darius was the one screaming, but whatever.

It felt as if the two were floating down into everlasting hell, as Sin (itself) opened its huge, wide mouth just in time to catch both Tidus and Darius.

"AURON, YOU STUPID BASTARD!" yelled Darius. "I'LL GET YOOUU!"

Everything went white. AGAIN.

'Shit.' was Darius's last thought as he and the blonde boy next to him blacked out.

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-S 


	3. Fish and Treasures Lead to More

Author's Notes- I just wanted you all to know that I am really thankful to all of my faithful reviewers, readers, and email-pals. Please don't stop? Oh, and also, if you have any questions or just want to waste time, please email me (with a subject header of "FanFiction") and I'll always receive it! n.n

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Destiny Of A Not-So Final Fantasy  
_Chapter 3: Fish and Treasures Lead to More_

The main character of this story (if you don't know who this person is by now, you are unfortunately SSSLLLOOOWWW) landed with a hard _thud _on his ass, ending up in the center of a narrow, stone platform. A nearby bluebird flew up toward his aching body, chirping happily.

Three actions were in order.

The first action consisted of screaming in pain and rubbing his ass vigorously, which I am very sorry to say, forced the bluebird to scream in horror. The second action consisted of yawning robustly and waking up the snoring Tidus that lay sprawled out beside him, which I am also very sorry to say, forced the poor bluebird to cringe in terror. And the third action consisted of rubbing his ass some more, which I am TERRIBLY sorry to say, forced the little bluebird to grab a nearby chainsaw and commit a bloody suicide.

Looking around, Darius scanned the area, and became conscious of where he was. There were various stone platforms floating around, all surrounded by a very clear-looking water. There were only two possible explanations for this scenery.

Explanation number one: Darius was just outside of the Al Bhed territory.

Explanation number two: The author of this story is completely insane.

'Probably both,' Darius mused to himself, still scanning the area. Walking to the edge of the platform (and past the unconscious Tidus that lay next to him), he gazed at the clear water, and was able to see his own wavy reflection. He stared at it for a while and then finally asked it, "What's going on?"

Naturally, the mirror image only mimicked his baffled expression.

Darius grew angry and started bashing it ferociously with his feet, splashing water everywhere. "You ugly freak!" he exclaimed, still whacking it wildly. "Answer my goddamn question!"

"Having fun?" Tidus said, finally standing up, half-yawning. He broke out laughing when he saw Darius sitting there, smacking the living daylights out of his mirror image.

"And just WHAT is so funny?"

"You!" Tidus snickered, leaving hair-raising echoes bouncing off the walls.

(But wait, there weren't any walls there, now were there? Okay, well, hopefully you have an imagination, because if you don't.)

"Hey, where are you going?" Tidus suddenly asked, noticing that the fourteen-year-old had already dove into the water while he was busy laughing his ass off. "Come BACK, you!"

'_I'M_ THE BLITZBALL PLAYER HERE,' thought Tidus bitterly as he swam after the potentially insane fourteen-year-old ahead of him. "Where are you _going_!" he repeated, loud enough for Darius's mother to hear.

"I'm checking out that building over there, you butt-nasty blonde!" Darius cried over his shoulder.

Tidus was going to reply to the blonde comment, but stopped himself. Instead, he looked toward Darius's direction and yelled, "WHAT building?"

Darius didn't respond, but instead ascended up the steps leading toward another set of platforms.

Tidus walked up behind him, shaking the water out of his hair. "What's this?" he asked, pointing toward a gold treasure chest.

The younger boy looked at Tidus curiously. "Um . . . a gold treasure chest . . ."

"No. I mean, what do you think is inside?"

Darius wasn't sure.

"Hey, maybe it's a hot girl being held hostage. Open it up!" he said. But then, as Tidus bent down to open the latch, Darius realized something. "But then again, it could be Michael Jackson or something."

Tidus began to back away from the evil chest.

"But on the otherhand, it could be a million dollars . . ."

Tidus bent down to open the latch again.

"But on the _other hand_, it could be an old, recorded tape of BLUE'S CLUES!"

Tidus screamed thunderously and backed away from the treasure chest again.

"But wait, then again, it could be—"

"Forget it, Darius, I'm opening it," Tidus finally said, laughing. He unfastened the bolt, and inside was . . . ONE gil?

"WHAT!" Tidus exclaimed angrily, chucking the box into the water.

Luckily, however, there was another treasure chest sitting quietly next to it, and Darius decided to open it as well. "Yeah, Tidus! I found some potions!" he exclaimed, grinning. "Hey, Tidus? Hellooo?"

'Where in the crap did that dumb blonde go to _now_?' Darius groaned mentally, noticing that the teen was no longer standing next to him. Then, he looked down into the water below him, and saw an unclear image of a tall, slim boy whacking the living daylights out of three ravenous "_sahagins_" (A.K.A. ugly fish).

"TIDUS!" he screeched at the water. "HOLD ON!"

With that, the boy pocketed the two potions (and the one gil), thinking he may need them for the upcoming battle (a small, minor battle, but a battle nonetheless) and dove head-first into the water. Which may not have been such a good idea . . .

Instead of ending up in the middle of the open sea, where he could easily whip out his longsword and beat the crap out of those sad excuses for "fish", Darius ended up bashing his head into Tidus's right arm, forcing him to drop _his _sword.

The two watched it sink deeper and deeper into a black pit of nothingness, and then, Tidus gave the other boy a look that seemed to say, "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, and more shit. How am I supposed to fight NOW?"

Since Darius couldn't speak under the water (hey, can YOU?) he gave Tidus a look that said, "Eheh . . . my bad. Uhh, you might wanna go get that sword, before it floats down into everlasting hell. Don't worry, I'm SKILLED enough to defeat these fish while you're gone."

Darius wasn't able to see what kind of look Tidus was giving back to him, for he noticed the fish communicating with each other (which was odd). The largest one gave the others a look that said, "I'll pin him down, while you two go for his crotch," while the others responded with a look that said, "Okay, but when we kill him, _we _want to eat the ass."

Darius gave them _all _a look that said, "That's NASTY, you unattractive rapists!" and swam with all effort towards the three.

Just before he could pull out his sword and slash the sahagins in half, a much larger, fatter, un-sexier, nastier, HUGER, GREENER **_MONSTER_** swam up to them all and, with one enormous gulp, swallowed the fish mercilessly.

Tidus, who had now fetched his sword, looked around at what had happened, thinking that the huge fiend standing in front of him and Darius had just save their lives (well, the sahagins didn't pose much of a threat, now did they?). He gave it a grateful looked that said, "Heh! Thanks for—"

But whatever he was trying to say was rudely interrupted as the monster flung its massive fin toward the two, creating a great wave of water, which eventually subsided. Darius wasn't too surprised. He knew from the beginning what it was:

Geosgaeno.

He forced his way through the water and swung his teeny-weeny-sized blade at the fish, thinking it would keel over and die immediately. But instead of dying (or even keeling over), the vast fiend merely batted him aside, as if he were nothing but a mere fly.

It was Tidus's turn. He smashed his fist into the fiend's rib cage (literally, a CAGE) and nearly broke his hand. He gave the monster a whimpering expression and then decided it was time to do things _his_ way:

RUN!

Darius was right behind Tidus, swimming toward the entrance to the temple as fast as humanly possible, with the fat fish right behind him. Tidus summoned all of his strength to swing open the door and slip inside, all the while thinking, 'No pressure . . . no pressure . . . no pressure . . .'

But then Darius gave him an annoyed look that seemed say, "Get the DAMN HELL outta my way!" as he swung the doors open and closed them just in time for Geosgaeno to come crashing into the blocked entrance.

He was sure to give the monster the solitary attention of his middle finger before blacking out for the third time that day.

_Later. . . ._

Darius didn't wake up for quite a while.

Why? I don't know, how about YOU spend countless hours forcing a fourteen-year-old to tell you his life story so that YOU can write a FanFiction! HUH? Yeah, that's what I thought. Now, back to the story. Umm, where was I again? Oh YEAH, the _dream_ . . . Okay, let's start this paragraph over again.

Darius didn't wake up for quite a while.

Why?

He was having . . . strange dreams. Very strange dreams indeed.

As he twisted and turned in his doze, Darius could make out a small boy (probably four or five years old) and an older woman (probably a trillion or two trillion years old . . . okay, okay so she looked more like fourty) speaking to each other. The little boy held a tissue in his hands and was ferociously coughing up green stuff into it . . . 

Or was it yellow? Darius couldn't tell; mucus comes in so many different colors.

"_Are you okay?" asked the older lady, steadily backing away from the boy. "Maybe you need more tissues…"_

"_No, I'm fine. I just want my daddy."_

_The woman stared into the boy's eyes. "I'm sorry. Your daddy is not here."_

"_When will he be here?"_

" _. . . . .Never. But you know, Darius, you were named after him, right? Your father's name was Darius, too," the woman said._

_The boy's eyes brightened. "Really?"_

"_No wait, your father's name was Graham. Darius was his pig."_

"_WHAT! I was named after a PIG?" the enraged boy shouted angrily, pulling out his chainsaw._

Darius awoke to the sound of a blazing fire flaming across the area. (In this sentence, the word "flaming" means "extremely small".) But Darius didn't really care whether or not the fire was "roaring" or not—he was too hungry to care. Hungry. Famished. Ravenous. Starving. Yeah, that's it, he felt hungry, famished, ravenous, AND starving. (But wait, they all mean the same thing . . . . . . ..)

"I . . . need . . . food . . . ," Tidus shivered from the other side of the fire.

Darius hadn't noticed the blonde lying a few feet across from him before, but when he did, he didn't seem at all too surprised. He had met this guy at Zanarkand, and had met him again just outside of Baaj Temple. What was next, Heaven? Lately, Darius had feeling that this Tidus-Look-A-Like was stalking him. Either that, or it was all one HUGE coincidence. Or could it havev been destiny?

At the moment, Darius didn't know. He was too lazy to know.

"Hey, you're awake," Tidus said, smiling, as he finally looked over to notice the younger boy sitting across from him.

'No, I'm not awake, I'm just sleeping with my eyes open, Tidus,' Darius thought unpleasantly, poking his leg out of sheer boredom.

He noticed two ants crawl up beside him—one red, one black. The black one was carrying some kind of food crumb on his back, and the red ant seemed to be fighting him for it. While the red ant became angry and pulled out his chainsaw (or not), Darius decided to cheer for the black ant! 'Whoo, black ant!' Eventually, the red ant jumped on the black one, forcing it to drop the crumb of food on it's back, and Darius decided to go for the kill. (Hey, he was hungry anyway) Darius threw his hand down, snatched the crumb away from both ants and chucked it into his dry mouth, munching happily.

Then, seeing the jealous look on Tidus's face, Darius decided 'What the hell!' and hurled the two ants into the nearby fire to cook as well.

"Supper!" Tidus grinned, rubbing his hands together.

All was good and well . . . .

Dinner was cooking, Darius didn't have to worry about Algebra homework, and Tidus had just farted. Big time.

How could life get any better?

The blonde seventeen-year-old was just about to munch on the yummy ants when the fire went out, leaving nothing but the distinct sight of darkness to loom about the room.

But what was that noise?

Breathing?

Yeah, it must've been breathing. Not _his _breathing. Not _Darius's _breathing, either. It was too close to be Darius's breathing. It was from someone else—or some_thing _else. All Tidus could feel was the nauseating sense of a large fiend respiring in his ear.

"RAPE!"

* * *

-S 


	4. Attack of the Blondes!

Where we left off- Since it's been such a long time since you all read the last chapter, I'll just jog your memories.… Well, last chapter, Tidus and Darius were trapped in Baaj Temple, and an exhaling fiend starting breathing down their necks. They thought they were getting raped….

The idiots.

* * *

Destiny of a Not-So Final Fantasy  
_Chapter Four: Attack of the Blondes! _

"Throw me another potion!" Tidus shouted over his shoulder. "Quick!"

"NO, there's just one left!" Darius cried between blows.

The four-legged fiend swiftly ran across the room in circles, trying to intimidate its enemies (i.e. Darius and Tidus). It ran across the floor, it ran across the walls, it ran across the ceiling, and there was a certain point in time when Darius even thought it was running in mid-air. Which it was. A few seconds later, the fiend darted back across the floor, and tackled Tidus dead to the ground.

"Woah, you all right?" he called over his shoulder, not daring to look away from the nasty monster. "Tidus, are you there?"

No reply.

"TIDUS! WAKE UP! THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"

Silence.

"Ooooohhh shit." _Maybe I should have thrown him the potion…._

Darius shot towards the fiend, grasping his sword tightly in his hand, and thrust it into its flesh. Snatching it back, he watched as the fiend licked the wound and grinned maliciously. Which was a bit creepy.

Klikk suddenly ran toward Darius, willing to tackle him. Darius dodged the attack just in time, tripping the fiend as it moved past him. He was just about to begin kicking it silly while it was immobile, but the door in the back of the room suddenly swung open.

"**CDUB**!" (STOP!)

Darius froze.

There was an insane-looking blonde man pointing at them, a slim-looking blonde girl folding her arms, and an elderly-looking blonde woman sitting in a wheelchair.

Darius figured who they were in less than an instant. _Brother! And Rikku! And… _he took another look at the elderly woman. _…My mother! No, wait…_

"**Fru yna DRACA mucanc**?" shouted Rikku's brother, Brother. (Who are THESE losers?)

Rikku looked him up and down. "**Oui cruimt HUD pa dymgehk**…" she commented. (You should NOT be talking…)

"**Ur, CRID ib**!" Brother shouted at his younger sibling, spitting on himself. He then turned to Darius. "**HUF, fru yna oui**?" (Oh, SHUT up! NOW, who are you?)

"Huh?" Darius grunted.

**"FRU. YNA. OUI."**

"Um…"

While all of this was going on, Tidus was waking up from his little nappy. "Mmh…ahh…WHA?" Quieter, he asked Darius, "_Who are these people_?"

Darius shrugged and waved him off. He knew only a bit of the Al Bhed language, and was trying to figure out what Brother was saying by translating one letter at a time. He'd forgotten all about the fiend, Klikk, still lying on the floor. _Let's see…the letter, _'O'_, in Al Bhed is …_'Y'_ in English_…. 'U'_ in Al Bhed is…_'O'_ in English… _'I'_ is _'U'_…carry the four…Oh, 'you' in Al Bhed!_

"**E CYET, FRU YNA OUI**!" Brother repeated louder. "Yna oui y _veaht_?" (I SAID, WHO ARE YOU! Are you a _fiend?_)

What is he saying NOW? Darius found himself wondering. 

The elderly woman rolled her wheelchair over to Tidus. "**Hu, _drec_ uha muugc ryhtcusa**..." she complemented. Then, as if she was the leader of the blondes, she rolled her wheelchair away. "**LYBDINA RES**." (No, _this _one looks handsome… CAPTURE HIM.)

Following orders, Rikku walked up to Tidus and whispered, "Cunno." She threw her fist into his gut, making him double over onto the floor, and dragged him out the door.

If this were Inuyasha, Darius would have anime-sweat-dropped. But sadly, it was Final Fantasy X, so the most he could do was…well…sweat.

"So…you're just going to leave me here?"

"Hmmmm…" Rikku shrugged. She walked over to Darius and dragged him out as well, making sure to knock him out first.

(Klikk had fallen asleep on the floor a little over five minutes ago….)

_- - - -_

"Hey, Darius, wake up!" Someone shook him ferociously. "Get UP!"

"Uggggg….nya……uh?"

WHACK! 

"OW…"Darius rubbed his head."_Tidus?_" he asked. "Ugh…what are you DOING?"

"Look."

"Look at _what, _you dope?"

"At them."

Darius focused his eyes, noticing a bunch of blondes—among them, a few new blondes he hadn't met before, Rikku, Brother, and The-Old-Woman-Sitting-In-Wheel-Chair-Who-Is-Probably-The-Leader-of-Al-Bheds (T.O.W.S.I.W.C.W.I.P.T.L.O.A.B. for short)—hovering over him and prodding him with forks and knives. Yes, FORKS AND KNIVES. You know, those DANDY little sharp things people use when they are in the mood for eating meat? Yes, THOSE.

"Um, hiya?" Darius greeted with a sheepish smile.

"**KAD RES**!" (GET HIM!)

_"No, wait!"_ Darius shouted, shielding his face with his hands. "I'm not edible!"

"**Ur…**," they all responded in unison. (Oh…)

The blondes all put down their forks (but for safety reasons, kept the knives) and among themselves, began chatting about what to do with Tidus and Darius, now that they knew they weren't edible. Darius didn't even attempt to listen in and try to figure out what they were saying—he now knew how difficult it would be.

"Eh, Darius?" Tidus suddenly whispered, also ignoring the Al Bhed.

"Huh?"

"What is this place?"

Tidus looked around. They were lying on the deck of a ship, surrounded by nothing but sea and ocean. Darius knew it was the Al Bhed Salvage Ship…but…it would seem a bit odd telling that to him, now wouldn't it? What if Tidus asked how he knew what it was? Then what would he say? _Oh, well, you are really a video game character, and I got sucked into the video game, so now I know pretty much everything that is going to happen, up until we fight Seymour!_

NO.

So, Darius merely shrugged and mumbled, "Uh…I dunno…"

"……"

"What?"

"You suck at lying."

A few minutes later, the Al Bhed Blondies turned around. After talking it over, they knew what they would do with the two.

"**Famm, ev fa lyhd AYD oui, oui femm fung**," Brother concluded. (Well, if we can't eat you, you will work.)

Everyone but Rikku left (AND, of course, Darius and Tidus, since they had nowhere to go). After they were all gone, Rikku helped Darius and Tidus onto their feet.

"He said you two can stay if you make yourselves useful," she said, as if it explained everything in the world.

Tidus gawked. "Woah. You speak…_my_ language?"

"Of course I do! You know, for non-Al Bheds, you two are…….quite…….unusual."

"Thanks!"

"Um…it wasn't a complement."

"Oh." Tidus looked confused. "Wait, so….if you understood us, why did you tell us earlier? Right, Darius?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. What he said."

Rikku smiled. "We thought _oui_ were a fiend!"

"Uh….We?"

"Oh. '_Oui_'….it means 'you,'" Rikku explained, using hand motions.

"So…who are you guys, anyways?"

The three introduced themselves.

Darius smiled. "So….Rikku?" he asked, pointing at Brother. "What kind of 'work' do we have to do, again?"

"We found some ancient ruins right beneath us. It's not active now, but there should be some power left. We're gonna go down there and activate it...and then we should be able to salvage the big prize! So, you ready?"

"No, not really, actually—"

Rikku pushed both of them in and, after a few good moments of pointing and laughing, hopped in herself.

_- -Ten seconds later…- -_

Tidus observed the area, looking left and right, while Rikku look the lead in the group and swam past. Darius and Tidus followed soon after.

_Cold._

_Cold._

_Cold._

After about…oh, I dunno…HALF OF A SECOND, a _swarm _of daring Piranhas approached the trio and _scratched_ them. (Yes, you heard me right. SCRATCHED them.) Rikku stole a grenade or two from them, as Tidus pulled out his sword and sawed them in half. While all of this was going on, Darius just laid back and admired the view….(although most people don't consider watching a fish get killed much of a "view", but hey, some people do! Odd ones, weird ones, unusual ones, but hey, what am I but a single-handed storyteller, right?). The fish weren't much of a problem…in fact, Rikku even caught a few of them to eat later that night for supper. What fun!

_Cold._

_Cold._

_Cold._

As they swam, these thoughts continued popping out of Darius's mind. The farther the three went, the colder it got, and the more his body began to freeze. In fact, about halfway deep into the sea, his body froze and began to sink to the bottom.

Rikku had to turn around and thaw him, using the hot and stinky breath of a nearby Piranha.

A few moments and ten more Piranha encounters later, Rikku came to a large chamber and stopped swimming. Tidus and Darius caught up. In the middle of the room was a huge…machina… It was obviously the thing that they were supposed to be looking for all along. And if it wasn't…well…they would just have to lie to Brother when they got back.

Tidus swam up to it and and pressed the "ACTIVATE" button. After a few seconds, a _click! _noise occurred.

And that's when it happened.

That's when a huge, fat, eight-legged MONSTER came squaddling up from no where and smacked Rikku in the face.

Tros.

Darius remembered it from the beginning of the game. He should've known...

And so the battle began.

_- - - -_

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! _Darius thought bitterly, swimming up to it and slashing it with his sword.

The monster only blinked.

_Wha…? _He tried again.

This time, the monster whacked him out of the way and moved closer to Rikku. Tidus, knowing she was still recovering from the rude slap-in-the-face, reached into her pocket and chucked a grenade at its face.

The octo-legged monster screeched and turned away, clawing at its eyes. Tidus tossed another grenade its way, and the monster responded to this attack by moving to the other side of the room. By now, Rikku had recovered from her temporary injury. She growled (as much as possible in the water) and swam up to her with an evil "You-Will-Pay" look on her face, stealing a grenade that it happened to be carrying in one of its many, many legs. The Al Bhed then swam up to its eye (the fiend's eyeball was about twice her size. Quite sad, no?) and hurled the explosive directly at it.

…Which, perhaps, wasn't such a good idea, since the fiend's eyeball was flammable. Yes, FLAMMABLE. As in, the whole place went "BOOM!" Good going, blondie.

But, since this IS the story of an RPG, and since the main characters AREN'T allowed to die this early in the story, somehow Rikku, Tidus, and Darius managed to survive and swim happily back to the Al Bhed Salvage Ship.

- - - - 

"Hey, Darius!"

Tidus and Darius were back on board the ship, just now beginning to heal from the wounds that they'd acquired from the fight with the evil octopus, Tros.

"Yeah?"

"Here, we cooked some food for you," Rikku said, handing him a cooked Piranha.

"Oh…um…thanks…" Darius waited for her to turn her head, and then chucked it overboard.

"Hey, what about me?" Tidus suddenly whined. "Don't I get any food?"

"No."

"Oh. Okay."

"So, Tidus, where'd you come from, anyway?"

Darius slowly drifted away from the conversation, looking out into the sea of waters surrounding the ship. The sun was half over the horizon, casting shades of violet across the area. In some strange, twisted way, the sudden semi-darkness reminded him of when he used to live out on the streets back on Earth. It was strange, but before the age of seven, he never remembered having a parent or family. Is was almost as if…he wasn't…_birthed _by anyone.

_"You must choose," said the woman, calmly, "between life or death. Truth or lies. Fate or misery. Love or hate."_ He still remembered when the strange woman had said that, a moment before he entered Spira. She seemed so familiar…. And it didn't make any sense.

Why did he even enter Spira, anyway?

Oddly, this was the first time he'd thought about it. It was the first time he'd even wondered why he'd been sent to this world. There had to be a reason—and it had to be a _good _reason. Not just because Yevon wanted him to follow Tidus around everywhere he went. No, there had to be a much better reason than that. Like, maybe Yevon needed him for something. Or something like that….

_"You must choose between life or death. Truth or lies. Fate or misery. Love or hate."_

Auron had said the same quote back in Zanarkand, which was strange. Unless he somehow had something to do with the woman who sent him to Spira. And _that _was unlikely. Very unlikely. But still possible. There must've been some kind of….link….between Yevon, the woman, and Auron. Yevon, the woman, and Auron. Yevon, the woman, and Auron….

And it had to be a very strong link.

But the thing was, Darius didn't really care. He didn't really care WHY he was in Spira, but her knew it was a better life than it was back on Earth. He just didn't care. What did it MATTER? What was it to HIM if there was some kind of dark reason why Yevon needed him in Spira? As far as he cared, Yevon could _have_ him. He was already in Spira, wasn't he? So technically, Yevon already HAD what he wanted. Or at least this is how Darius thought of it. But was it really true? Darius didn't know. He didn't even know what he was _thinking_.

And although he didn't know it (or care about it), there wasn't just a "link." He wasn't even halfway there. He had a whole lot of pulling and poking and yanking to get through it all. It was enough to take him from "I DON'T CARE" to _WOAH_…and _WOAH _was about as far away from "I DON'T CARE" as it got. _WOAH _was about a million miles away. He had a hell of a lot of crap to figure out about why he had been sent to Spira, and somehow, he knew it would take a while. A LONG while...

"Yeah, there is no Zanarkand anymore," Rikku had concluded while Darius had drifted away. "Sin destroyed it a thousand years ago. So…no one plays blitzball there."

"Huh? What you do mean a thousand years ago?" Tidus asked. "But I saw Sin attack Zanarkand! You're saying that happened a thousand years ago? No way!"

"It's true, Tidus…."

Both Darius's thoughts and Tidus and Rikku's conversation had been cut short by a sudden scream.

"SIN! _SIN!_"

An extremely large whale came up from under the water, forcing the ship to shake violently. People on both sides of the ship grabbed on to a sturdy object, hoping the ship wouldn't tip over. Rikku looked up and saw that her side of the ship was going underneath the water, and quickly ran over to the opposite side.

"DARIUS! TIDUS!" she shouted. "OVER HEEERE!"

But it was too late. The water had already swallowed both of them, sucking them up into the mouth of Sin once more.

_SHITT… Again! _Darius hollered internally.

* * *

In a faraway distance stood a tall, scrawny servant, scrubbing dishes vigorously. Normally, he was forced to scrub the dishes with rocks, but since it _was _his birthday, his master had allowed him to use a toothbrush instead. 

He had been a forced to be a servant for over twenty years, and he hated it. He wanted to leave. But the problem was that if he did, his family would be cursed for all of eternity. He didn't really have a choice, since he worked for the ultimate Spiran god.

"Someday," he promised himself, "I _will _get out of here. I _will _get revenge on him for threatening my family and forcing me to come here. I _will _obtain my rightful place _as the ruler of the world_! I will escape! _He can't hold me here forever! _I WILL ESCAPE_! I WILL ESCAPE! I WILL ESCAAAAAPE! I WILL—"_

"HAST THOU FINISHED BOILING MY AFTERNOON SNACK YET?"

"….Yes master….." The servant dragged himself over to his master, carrying huge amounts of food in his right hand. "Here you are, Sir Yevon," he grumbled.

"Good boy!" Yevon exclaimed, tossing the man a biscuit. "Now, thou shall start dinner."

"But, sir…."

"NOW!"

Stroking the cat sitting beside him, Yu Yevon watched his servant go back into the kitchen, and returned his attention to the crystal ball in his lap…..while munching on a chicken thigh. He watched closely as Darius (or "Dar," as he liked to call him) and some blonde man struggled to fight a large four-legged fiend in a small temple. Yevon smirked suspiciously.

He wasn't paying any attention to the blonde haired man or the fiend. What he was glaring at was "Dar."

_It seems Nyl hast brought the boy here, _he thought to himself. _Good. I shalt thank her later for her good-doing. It begins _now.

Yu Yevon looked down at his frowning cat. "Don't worry, Fluffy," he said, stroking her long, white coat, and munching on more chicken. "All is going as planned…."

_

* * *

_

-S


	5. Dyrnsyn

Sexy Author's Note- After over a month of serious procrastinating, I got this chapter out. So now you all know for sure that I haven't died………yet. The next chapter won't be too long, so it won't take long to type it up. At all. Thanks, and all of you rock!

Unsexy Author's Note- Well, enough ramblings. That's what xanga is for. Now read! Oh, and as an apology for taking so long to update, I made the chapter much longer. And dumber.

_

* * *

_

Destiny of a Not-So Final Fantasy  
_Chapter Five: Dyrnsyn_

Darius gurgled under the water and then gurgled some more, and after some more gurgling, bobbed to the top of the water and helped out the so-called blitzball star who _should've_ been able to help _himself_.

'Oh well,' Darius sighed, shaking his head free of fish, which he didn't notice to be hungry piranhas.

"You okay?" he asked Tidus, who was viewing the area.

"Hey, I'm the blitz star, remember?" Tidus snorted (not literally snorting, you know), running a hand through his hair.

"And a not-so good one at that…" Darius murmured.

"Wh- Hey, look out!" Tidus suddenly cried, catching a flying blue ball in mid-air. "Beat THAT," he retorted.

"Lucky catch. Hey, I could've done that!"

The world seemed to go silent.

"…..What! It could happen!"

As the world grew normal again, Tidus began to observe intensely at the blue ball which had, with "luck," as Darius called it, flown into Tidus's very very _pruny_ hands.

"Blitzball!" he exclaimed happily, almost jumping ten feet into the air, even though he was still treading water in the middle of nowhere.

Glowing with glee, the seventeen-year-old turned around and saw a bunch of men in orange overalls pointing at them. 'It is rude to point,' Darius thought, narrowing his eyes at them all.

"_Give us the ball!"_ a red haired man in overalls, Wakka, screamed.

"_Say please!"_ Darius returned, ignoring the fact that Tidus had already shot the ball towards them.

"_We already have the ball, you idiot!"_

The two swam up to the shore, where the orange men in overalls stood, balancing the ball on their noses like seals. "Yo! Hiya!" Tidus greeted, waving a very very VERY _pruny_ hand (that's one more "very" than before, mind you).

"You're no amateur, ya?" he nodded. "You wanna try that move again?"

"Su—"

"Yeah, he's an amateur, and no he doesn't," Darius put in.

Tidus blinked thrice. He then took the ball from Wakka and did the move again. "Ha!" he beamed.

"Wow, you really aren't no amateur! Who you play for?" Wakka asked, eyeing him like he had suddenly sprouted two heads.

"The Zanarkand Abes, baby!" Tidus responded almost too cheerfully. "From the best!"

Darius nudged him hard in the shoulder. "Didn't Rikku warn you about that?" he whispered from the side of his mouth. Louder, he said, "He got too close to Sin's toxin. Soooooooooooooooo, he's stupidified temporarily."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand… it worked. People are so gullible these days.

"_Hey_!" Tidus whispered bitterly.

"What? I could've said permanently!"

Tidus glared. "Yeah, and _I _could take this blitzball and—"

"Sin's toxin got to you. But," the man with red hair said sadly, "you're still alive. Praise be to Yevon!" he said, fake-coughing. He then turned toward the other overall-wearing-weirdos. "All right, back to practice, losers!"

"Shouldn't you try being nicer to them?" Darius suggested. "I mean…they _are _forced to wear those repulsive clothes."

One of them turned around. "What? What's wrong with our fashion? These are trendy!"

"………………………………………." was Darius's opinion on this.

"….Anyway!" the red-haired man shouted, after a long pause of silence. "I'm Wakka, coach and captain of the Besaid Aurochs, brudda. And this," he said proudly, pointing to the men running around like insane maniacs, "is the team."

"Are they any good?" Tidus asked, observing one of them as he attempted to catch a ball in the air and missed, falling dramatically to the floor.

"I don't know…." Darius replied. "Let's test his reflexes." He strode over and kicked the man on the left knee.

His right arm flew off.

"Actually," Wakka sighed, "we haven't won a game in all of blitzball's history, brudda."

"Ohhh…that's too bad," Tidus said, shaking his head. "But who knows? Maybe you'll win this year!"

"Yeah, right…" Wakka's stomach suddenly began to grumble. "Oh, you hungry?" he asked himself. "Okay, I'll get you something to eat. Come on!"

Tidus and Darius exchanged worried looks and followed behind Wakka.

* * *

"Hey! It's this way!" 

"Huh?"

Darius and Tidus were abruptly shoved into the water by an anonymous figure, cough WAKKA cough, who cackled and pointed at the two. 'What fun I have,' he thought, happily shaking his head. He cannonballed into the water, splashing wet stuff EVERYWHERE (and no, not THAT wet stuff, you sickos) as two perched birds fluttered away in disgust.

"What's the big idea, Wakka?" Tidus spat, taking his sword out to be ready in the case of a fiend.

"Just some fun, brudda. You don't usually have too many visitor's in a village like this," shrugged Wakka.

"Really? Why not?" Darius stopped moving.

Wakka pointed up to a moon in the sky. It was huge, five times the size of Earth's moon, and had blue streaks covering it, with a white glow that seemed to outshine the sun, which was perched on the opposite side of the sky.

"That's why," he whispered solemnly. "That moon showed up a few days ago, for some reason. No one knows why, but it seems to have something to do with…well… Ah, I couldn't tell ya. You'll have to ask Lu."

Darius stayed watching it for a while. He didn't move.

Tidus quickly changed the subject. "It's true Zanarkand was destroyed, right? A thousand years ago? I mean…it's…not still around, is it?"

"Well, I could go into it deeply and tell you everything, or I could give you the lazy version. Which to you want?" Wakka yawned.

"Whichever holds my attention for more than three seconds."

"Well," he began, "long time ago, there were huge cities with machina, or machines, and Yevon got mad because it was against his teachings and bombed the place. Therefore, Zanarkand exploded. So…Sin's our punishment for letting things get outta hand, brudda. I wish I would just travel back in time and beat up those goofballs for the fate they've given us!" He shook a fist in the air.

Tidus grimaced. It was just as Rikku as said. They wouldn't both be lying, right? Why would they? He didn't know or care; he wanted to go back home, to his fans and teammates and friends—but his father?. It was one thing he was glad to be away from.

Tidus shook his head. 'Forget it.'

* * *

"Strange…" Darius remarked, his voice fading away from Wakka and Tidus's ears as he stayed behind, staring blankly at the moon. "What an ugly moon." 

His eyes widened when a voice came from it.

**Xodan,** a sweet and gentle woman-like voice called. **Come closer.**

"Hot damn! A _talking _ugly moon!" But still, like a wooden dummy, Darius moved a bit closer to the moon. His gaze didn't break.

**Xodan,** the anonymous voice repeated. **Thou..doth thou see me?**

'What the hell?' The thought came racing through his mind. An uncontrollable thought it was. His gaze didn't move, but he was able to snatch out his sword.

**Yeah, right. Like THAT'S going to help, moron.**

It snapped in two.

'…What the f- Who are you!' was the only thing Darius could seem to think. 'I…leave me alone. I need to get to Besaid.'

He tried to turn away, but the moon only glowed brighter. Darius couldn't move.

**I am Nyllia. Don't try to slip away. Doth thou see me, Xodan? He surely cast many powerfull spells to stop you. I wonder… Thou…**

'Did you sa-…Nyllia? I…ah!'

**Xodan, art thou ready for the journeys ahead? We shall see.**

Darius's body began to shake. He tore to the right, then to the left, and soon enough his heart began to stop beating.

Tidus and Wakka continued to walk silently, until Wakka grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Hey, lemme go!" Tidus shouted, tearing away.

"Sorry, got a favor to ask ya," Wakka said, turning around and walking backwards.

Sadly, he didn't run into the tree in front of him like George of the Jungle, but instead dodged it. (Damn, so close!) "A major blitz tournament's coming up. All the teams in Spira'll be there! It's so huge, I'm sure someone there will recognize you! Then you can go back to your old team, right? It'll be fun! What do you say, huh? Come on, come on!"

"Well…sure thing! I mean, with _me _on the team, you won't lose another game again, man! And maybe Darius could help too!" Tidus said cheerfully.

"Great! Our team is gonna rock, eh? Or at least…. it_ BETTER_," Wakka said almost threateningly, as if he had a chainsaw in his pocket (like the rest of us). "Say, where _is _Darius?" he added, looking around.

"…DAMN!" Tidus bellowed, turning around and tearing through the water.

Darius was up in the air jerking uncontrollably, his dark hair slowly growing lighter and lighter with every jolt he made, until it was as golden, if not more, than Rikku. His eyes lost all color and the pupils faded away. He shouted and crashed into the water. His broken weapon was quickly forgotten as his eyes slowly shut.

"&$# IT!"

Tidus hurriedly grabbed the unconcious Darius's feet, and, with Wakka lifting my by the arms, hustled to Besaid village.

* * *

When Darius finally opened his eyes, he was lying on a bed in a small hut with Tidus and Wakka hovering over him. They slowly edged toward him as he slowly backed away. 'WOAHHHH.' 

"Uh…what's going on…?" he asked, rather creeped out, and ready to make a run for it if either one of them came any closer.

"You fainted on the way here, and…well, we had to rush you over here," Tidus said, panting heavily. "It's a good thing this weird little girl assisted us, man, or we wouldn't have had the energy."

Darius looked around. He couldn't remember a thing. "Errrrrrrrrrr…THERE IS NO WEIRD LITTLE GIRL IN HERE," he remarked coldly.

"Yeah there was, ya? She was just in here… Ah, dammit, where'd that girl run off to now?" Wakka shook his head. "But she was here, wasn't she Tidus?"

"Yep."

Darius crawled out of the bed and looked under it. "Nope, no weird little Ring girl here. You must be mistaken." He yawned. "But what is this place?" he asked, observing the overly-happy little children's drawings on the walls, the rainbows on the ceilings, and the smiley face stickers on the bed. 'This place should have been torched years ago.'

"The Besaid hospital!" Wakka exclaimed. "Although it's been abandoned for the past three years… But hey, it works."

"Right… Eh…let's go."

"Are you sure you can walk okay? You don't need more rest, brudda?" Wakka asked, gesturing to the bed. "There's no rush, you know."

"Nope! I'm fine! Good as new!" he lied. "Let's go!"

As soon as the three left the small-as-hell-hut, two young men bumped into Tidus.

"Hey! Watch it, you!" he cried rudely. "Wait, you're the ones attacked by Sin recently, aren't you?" asked the shorter of the two.

'Wow, what superb stalkings!'

"Who is he?" Tidus whispered to Wakka, all the while trying to keep Darius from chucking a nearby rock at the boy.

"They are Crusaders," Wakka whispered back. "Ask 'em."

"Yep, that's us," Darius said to the _thing_, answering the boy's question. "Two idiots impacted by Sin's nastiness."

Tidus raised his eyesbrows and sent a hand through his hair coolly. "Speak for yourSELF," he said, dodging another one of Darius's rocks.

"You two wouldn't be…say…HIDING anything…now would you?" the Crusader, Gatta, asked.

'Of course we are!' Darius thought sarcastically. "Why would we be hiding something, Sir-Farts-A-Lot?"

"…I resent that!"

Wakka pinched his nose.

"Anyway," Gatta quickly said, "if Sin's nearby, it'll attack the island for sure. Soooooooo…we're doomed. IF you are telling the truth, that is."

Darius internally set a bomb on him. "We are telling the truth, you weirdo!" he shouted unhappily. "May the elephants of South Africa trample over you."

Tidus raised his eyebrows again. "South Africa?"

"Uh…forget that."

Gatta folded his arms and whispered something to his giggling PAL, Luzzu, who put a hand up to his mouth and chuckled girlishly.

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Darius thought, utterly and completely creeped out. Wakka and Tidus exchanged freaked out looks.

"What…is a Crusader, anyway?" Tidus asked, almost throwing up from the giggles.

"Sin!" Luzzu exclaimed nastily. "The toxin! Gatta, tell him who we are!"

"Yes, sir! The Crusaders are sworn to battle Sin! We have chapters throughout Spira, accepting all who wish to join our struggle! The hero Mi'ihen formed the Crusaders eight hundred years ago as the Crimson Blades. Later, our ranks grew and we called ourselves the Crusaders. We've been fighting Sin ever since!"

"What, you've been fighting eight hundred years and you still haven't beat it?" Tidus asked, confused as hell.

"Well, we've steered Sin away from towns many times! And that's all we can do."

"Really?"

"Yep. Sin's too powerful for us to kill, so the best we can do is defend against it and try to steer it away from the people of Spira and their homes. Ah, we'd better be going," he said. "It should be nice seeing you again!"

Darius waited for the Crusaders to walk away, then shuddered, 100 percent creeped out. "Are they always so…you know…"

"Only on Wednesdays. Oh shoot! I forgot to introduce you to the gang! Follow me!" Wakka shouted so loud the people on the BEACH could hear him.

Before stepping in, he whispered, "There's a woman with a short fuse in there, and who knows what the Ronso's thinking. Proceed with caution."

Tidus and Darius leisurely followed Wakka into the hut that he had scrambled into.

Inside was a rather…ERM, revealing woman wearing all black, whose black hair was held up by a ponytail and fell back down her back. There was also a blue-skinned being with half a horn standing next to her.

"Wakka! Where have you been!" the woman snapped. "We've been waiting for you for fifteen minutes!"

"Oh, Lu, sorry, I, ah…—"

"Always so unreliable. Have you forgotten the lady Yuna has already goneinto the temple? We were supposed to meet her there minutes ago, Wakka! Who knows if she'll obtain her first aeon by herself now? What have you got to say for youself?"

"I told ya she had a short fuse, ya?" he whispered to Tidus.

Lulu was about to smack him silly when she saw Darius and Tidus. "Burgulars?"

"No! They were brought here by Sin! Poor guys don't have a place to stay! I swear!" Wakka promised cowardly.

'Er, 'scuse me, but we weren't BROUGHT here, thank-you-very-much. We were dropped on our asses out in the sea and almost slaughtered by a BLITZBALL! DO YOU SEE A DIFFERENCE!'

Lulu slowly looked them both up and down. "What…are your names? And WHY are you kicking my walls! We just painted those!"

She glared at Tidus and Darius for a moment. "Fine," she eventually said, "but only if the daughter of the High Summoner Braska agrees."

'Oh, Lulu, cut the drama,' Darius thought. Tidus, of course, was FIRST to say something! Oh, joy!

"What's a high summoner again?" Lulu raised her eyebrows, and Tidus quickly added an excucse. "I...I got too close to Sin's, uh, toxin."

Darius couldn't help but fall on the floor laughing. 'You have REALLY got to learn to lie!'

"Wow, you really have been infected by Sin's toxin, haven't you?" she sighed, shaking her head. "Oh well. That much I fugured."

"HE might have, but I'm perfectly fine," stated Darius, standing up and scratching the wall. 'AND I remember this from the strategy guide!' "The summoners are practitioners of a sacred art, sworn to protect the people of Yevon. Only a chosen few become summoners, who call forth entities of great power: the aeons. The aeons hear our prayers and come down to us. They are the blessing of Yevon."

Lulu nodded in satisfaction. "I like him." (AND DAMN IT, NOT LIKE THAT, PEOPLE.) "They can stay. For now. But how did you know…"

"Oh, forget it. Long story."

Lulu shrugged. Kimahri grunted and left as she followed him into the temple.

Wakka was ready to follow them, but he stopped to glare at Tidus and Darius. "I gotta go help Lulu and Kimahri out with Yuna in the Cloister of Trials. Beyond that is where the apprentice summoner prays. If the prayer is heard, the apprentice becomes a fully-fledged summoner. That's her goal today. Hey, you two stay here for a while and wait for us to come back from the temple, okay? Don't. Move. Got it?"

They nodded and he left.

Five minutes afterward, Darius grew tired of waiting and went INTO the temple.

* * *

"What do you MEAN we can't go inside!" 

"The cloister of trials is for sexy people only!"

"But what about guardians!"

"Them too!"

"Then let us in!"

"No! You aren't guardians!"

"But…ARGH!"

The priest scowled and kept a close eye on the two as they sighed and moped aimlessly around the temple. Strange hyroglyphics were on the walls and the place seemed…ancient. Like, very ancient. Too ancient.

Darius turned to the priest to try once more. "Why can't we just go in and help Lady Yuna.in the Cloister of Trials?" he _asked the priest kindly…_okay, more like shouted frantically at the priest.

"There are guardians in there and, besides, it is forbidden!" he barked back, growing angry and spitting all over the room, forcing all of the random people wandering aimlessly to give him nasty looks.

Tidus wiped his face and glared unhappily. "But what if something goes wrong!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "What if the summoner dies!"

"The precepts must be obeyed!"

"But nobody likes the precepts!"

"You aren't going in that that's _that!_"

After a while, Darius grew tired of waiting. "Screw this, I'm going in," he whispered to himself.

Tidus nodded in agreement.

The two slid over to the door in a James Bond 007 spy-like way and dove inside.

"We made it!" Tidus shouted, hoping from one foot to the other and making strange caveman noises.

"Nice victory dance, Tidus!" Darius laughed sarcastically.

Then he stopped and gaped.

The place was filled with glyphs, strange markings, pedestals, and complete and utter non-sexiness. 'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, sneaking into the Cloister of Trials…' thought Darius. It was like a maze. Only larger, fatter, bigger, nastier, harder, and much more realistic.

Tidus walked forward and randomly prodded a glyph on a wall, which in turn opened up a new room, earning it multiple shouts and yelps from him.

"SHHH!"

Throwing a quick glance of irritation Tidus's way, Darius blinked and suddenly became very thoughtful and quiet. Which glyphs opened up the doors and which pedestals had to be used? He stared at the air, pondering.

In all of the stillness, a tumbleweed rolled by…

Tidus kicked it and gave it a mad karate chop.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What!"

After a while, Darius gave up and realized he wouldn't be able to remember anything in the guidebook if he wanted to. And even if he could, things would be different. He suddenly remembered the strange Moon of Nyllia that had mused to him earlier, and he shuddered. If one huge thing was different, who knew what else could be different in the real Spira than in the videogame?

"Crap… We seriously have to get through this maze," were the words that came out of his mouth.

Tidus nodded and searched one corner of the room for strange signs or anything, while Darius swung into the other room.

After a while, Tidus found a staircase to another room. "Hey Darius! Over here!" he called, waving an arm above his head.

Darius jogged over and leaped down the stairs, going 10 steps at a time for the staircase was freaking long.

Tidus almost fell to the floor after seeing all of the pedestals and glyphs on the new lower level. 'This…is one…ANNOYING puzzle!' he screeched mentally, getting started on the searching.

But Darius was quick to find a Besaid Sphere lying by his feet, and he picked it up, ready to place it on a nearby pedestal. Only, he was much too lazy and tired to laborously walk over to the pedestal, so he booted it over. As soon as the thing hit the other thing (…I SWEAR you people have sick minds!), Wakka sprang from nowhere and startled them both to death.

"Have you lost your minds!" he shouted, clutching his hair like a monkey. "Only summoners, apprentice summoners, and their guardians can enter here! It's a tradition, and is very important!"

Tidus folded his arms "Oh sure, so YOU'RE allowed to come in freely? And we had to sneak in like snakes?"

"Me? Oh no, I'm a guardian. I'm allowed in," Wakka boasted, sticking his chin up to the air, as a platform raised at the end of the hallway and he stepped on it.

"_Sure_ you are," mumbled Tidus quietly.

The platform floated in the air and took the three to a new floor with Lulu and the Ronso waiting patiently for something. "What are _you _doing here?" Lulu asked bitterly, turning away. "Didn't think we'd be able to handle it?"

"No, it's just… We ah… I…missed you…"

"…That cute love act doesn't fool me," she flung back, staring blankly at a shut door. Tidus took a glance at the Ronso, who angrily snatched out his spear and pointed it menacingly at him.

"Is the summoner all right?" Darius questioned.

"You! What are you d—"

Just then, as Darius was sure Lulu was about to stand up and start screaming, the door slid open and revealed a young woman with short brown hair and light skin wearing a summoner's robe with a staff in her hands. 'Yuna!'

She collapsed on the floor (of course, our kind and reliable Kimahri caught her in the air) and gasped, "I've done it. I've…become a summoner!"

Tidus only stared. 'Wow. And here I thought summoners were all fat old men with gray hairs poking out of their asses.'

* * *

"Hey, you two! Over here! Wait'll ya see this, ya?" Wakka called from outside, shoving Darius and Tidus forward. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Darius yelled madly, clawing at the ground. "Get OFFA me you dirty FREAK!"

"I'm just taking you two to see Yuna, ya?" Wakka replied, giving a look that said, 'I would never do anything like that!'

"Yeah, right, Wakka, and I'm a pregnant cow," said Darius dryly. "You know what you were doing."

"Oh, shut up, ya? Yuna's calling her first aeon!"

There she stood, in the middle of the village, holding her staff upright and facing the moon.

"Ready!"

Yuna smiled and nodded. "Okay!" Twirling her staff this way and that, a HUGE bird came flying from the clouds and landed next to her, stroking her hand with its feathers.

As soon as she did so, the entire village seemed to clap and applaud and yell and scream and do cartweels and flips all over the place like insane idiots. "Lady Yuna will defeat Sin!" one of them screamed, breaking windows in the process.

"CAN YOU BE ANY LOUDER!" Darius screamed back at him/her/it, rightfully earning him curous looks from half of the townspeople.

"Congradulations, Yuna!" Lulu cried, hugging the new summoner tightly. Even Kimahri cracked a smile. Okay, well, no he didn't, but that's beside the point.

Everyone in the town, save Darius and Tidus, gathered around the summoner to congradulate her and smother her with unwanted hugs. Knowing how Tidus and Yuna felt about each other, Darius _accidentally_ on purpose pushed Tidus forward, into the crowd of sweaty villagers.

"Stay away from the summoner!" an old woman croaked as he edged by.

"You heathen!" a wrinkly man added.

The two old people looked at each other. "Hey, you're hot, old woman."

"Hey, you're hot, old man."

They both made long moans and groans (this time, it WAS in a nasty way) and left, hand in hand, kissing.

Shrugging and shuddering at the same time, Tidus continued on into the crowd until he saw Yuna, and stopped.

Seeing him, Yuna smiled. "Hey, thank you so much for you help earlier…Tidus, is it?And Darius?" she asked sweetly.

He smiled back. "Yeah, in the flesh!" he joked. "And uh…about that whole temple thing… Yeah, I really shouldn't have gone in…I mean, tradition, and all."

"Oh no, it's okay. I was overconfident and needed the help," Yuna grinned, fully happy.

No one spoke for a moment. The crowd had slowly faded away, and the guardians (and Darius) had all gone inside to sleep. Yuna and Tidus were the only ones still outside, strolling aimlessly through the village. "I saw that whole aeon thing. It's amazing!"

"You think so? Hey, do you think I could become a high summoner, like my father?"

"YUNA! IT'S COLD OUT THERE! HURRY UP AND GET INSIDE! NOW!" Lulu barked from ao nearby hut, and slammed the door shut again.

She laughed uneasily. "It is getting kind of late, you know. I'll see you on the boat? We can talk more. You can tell me all about Zanarkand!" He nodded, and with that, Yuna went running off into some random place that no one cares about.

'Boat? We're all getting on a boat?' he asked himself as Wakka opened the door to his hut and walked up to him.

"I saw you two strollin' down the street, ya?" he chuckled. "Hey, don't get no ideas!"

"Hey, no promises, big guy. I mean, what if _she _comes on to ME? What then?"

"Trust me. That won't happen. But don't worry about it. Right now, you should get some sleep," Wakka suggested. Tidus nodded in agreement. "But don't sleep in too late! We have to get up early to go the Kilika in the morning."

Tidus yawned and went into the hut across from Wakka, which, by the way, was a small motel, NOT some random person's house. Darius was already snoring loudly.

Tidus lay down on the small bed and stared up at the ceiling for a while. Slowly closing his eyes, his last thought was of Yuna. And when you think about something constantly just before falling into a deep sleep, you all know what happens, right? You dream about it. That's kind of what Tidus did that night. Actually, it was more like a nightmare to him. He didn't tell anyone about it. Interestingly enough, Darius had the same dream:

_Yuna and Tidus had been standing together, looking out into the sea with worried looks plastered onto their faces. The boat hadn't come yet, and time was moving on faster and faster._

_"Where's that boat?"_

_Yuna looked worried. "Everyone will find us if it doesn't come soon…"_

_"Do you really think this is okay?" Tidus asked._

_"Yeah, it's fine." Yuna nodded. "Oh, Tidus…, could you take me to Zanarkand?"_

_Rikku suddenly appeared from behind. "Hey, you said you'd go with me!"_

_"What?" Yuna shouted angrily. "He's not going with you!"_

_"And why not, huh?"_

_"Because I said so!"_

_Rikku strode over and snatched out Yuna's hair. "He likes ME!"_

_"BITCH! He likes ME!" Yuna slapped Rikku hard in the face._

_"BASTARD! No he DOESN'T!" Rikku exclaimed, taking out her earrings._

_The brunette pulled out her staff and got into a fighting stance. "Oh, what? You wanna go?"_

_"Bring it, bitch!"_

_"It's been brung!"_

_Suddenly, Rikku stopped. "But wait," she said, stroking her chin, "what about Darius? Who's going to go with him?"_

_Both were silent for a moment. Then, they both grinned and Yuna said, "forget Tidus. Darius is mine."_

_"What? No, he's mine!"_

_Tidus gaped. "What about me?"_

_"…what ABOUT you?" the girls asked in unison. "Darius is much better."_

_Happily, they strode off, calling for Darius._

Darius awoke with a grin at the sound of two familiar voices screaming outside.

"He's DEAD, okay? DEAD!"

'Ooh, this oughta be good,' he grinned maliciously, surreptitiously, A.K.A. slyly, peeping outside.

Wakka and Lulu were pointing fingers and barking nastily at each other.

"He does look a lot like Chappu. I was surprised, too, the first time I saw him. But no matter what he looks like, he isn't Chappu. You shouldn't have brought him here in the first place! And what about the other one? Haven't Sir Auron's talks had any affect on you? Don't you remember what he said about the girl?"

"Yeah, I DO, but…they needed our help!" Wakka protested defensively. "And they still do! Just LOOK at them!"

"Thanks a lot, Wakka," Darius murmured quietly to himself.

"Excuses again?" Lulu snapped.

"Yeah, but…"

"I don't want to hear it. That's enough, Wakka! I'm going to the beach. You," she ordered, "go wake up Darius. The rest of us are waiting." She stomped off.

"…And don't come back, either!"

"What was that all about?" Darius asked, fully confused, and walking outside. "Another fight?"

"Oh, it was nothing… Just conversation is all, ya?" 'Oh, right, CONVERSATION, that's what it was.' "But that's not important."

"I guess..."

"Oh, I got somethin for ya! I found it by your bed when you were asleep!"

Wakka laborously pulled out a long, narrow sword. Standing straight up, the gleaming sword reached his chest-level. Its sharp edge, Dar guessed, could most likely tear down the entire village without a scratch made on it, and its handle was surrounded with tight leather. The word, "Dyrnsyn" was engraved lightly on its handle.

"What the...?" he stumbled with bulging eyes.

"I thought you would know…. I suppose its name is Dyrnsyn, since, well…you know, ya? But anyway, I'm giving it to you, since the incident… it seems very powerful.."

Darius snatched it. "But, you said it was on my bed, right?"

"Yeah."

"But...that doesn't make any sense. How could it just show up on my bed in the middle of the night? Someone must've either placed it there, or..." He stopped, looking up in the sky at Nyllia. "That, or...something else happened."

"Hey, well, I certainly didn't see anyone else there but you and Tidus, ya? It was surrounded by pyreflies when I first saw it, but...they're gone now..."

The fourteen-year-old turned it over. "It...fits into my hand perfect... Like, I feel like a true swordsman," he whispered.

"But you're not."

"I could be!" he laughed. "Hey, can I try it out on you?"

"No need to be so eager!" Wakka said hurriedly with bulging eyes. "But anyways, we're already late. We'd better hurry and get to the boat, ya?"

Darius nodded. The two powerwalked to the beach, but halfway there, stopped and stared at a ten foot tall blue being standing in the way. "Hey move it, Godzilla, we're trying to get through!" Dar shouted impatiently.

The being squinted through cat-like eyes and instead of politely moving to the side of the path, he raised his spear. "You no worthy!" he bellowed loudly to the skies.With that, he charged with all might toward Dar's body.

Darius was wide-eyed for a moment, but then regained his common sense and nimbly dodged the attack. The beast swung his lance swiftly and powerfully at him, ripping his shirt and forcing him to stagger back.

"Don't touch me, you asshole!" Dar snorted, pulling out Dyrnsyn. 'Let's see what this baby can do!' He charged toward the fiend, about to lash the sword across his face, when Wakka began crying out.

"No! Stop! Quit it! That's Kimahri!" he yelled, jumping between the fight and holding up his hands. "He's Yuna's guardian! What are you _doing_?"

"What am _I _doing? _He _charged at me and swung at my clothes, the bastard. I was just defending myself!" Dar cried, silently putting away Dyrnsyn. "The question is, he was _he _doing?"

"Kimahri no allow Yuna to be hurt," he barked back simply. "Kimahri no trust Tidus or Darius."

"What did we do to Yuna, damn it! _Nothing!_ Back off!"

Wakka kicked the ground. "STOP it! NOW.. We're going to be late. And the last thing any of us needs right now is _this_. Got it?"

Kimahri grunted and left, while Wakka still glared at Darius as if he had just shot someone.

"It wasn't me who started any of it. Stop staring at me, Wakka," he said bitterly. "Yuna needs us, anyway."

"You're right. And I'm walking in front from now on."

'Good. The perfect spot for me to maim you from behind.'

When the two arrived at the beach, there was gigantic crowd of musty, stinky people screaming and waving to Yuna and her guardians on the deck of the boat. Darius had to push them all out of the way for him to get to the pier. "Pardon, ma'am! Excuse me, sir! Move it!"

He also noticed the same old man and woman from yesterday, but kept walking.. "Heathen!" they yelled at him from behind. "Stay away from the summoner!"

He turned around. "Oh, bite me!"

The boat had already started to take off, with Wakka, Kimahri, Tidus, Yuna, and Lulu already on it, and the second Darius saw this, he broke into a frantic sprint, and had to leap from the pier to the side of the boat. Half way in the air, time slowed, and he rolled onto the deck skillfully.

"Yu-na! Yu-na!" the crowd chanted, rolling their eyes at Darius's superior skills.

"Goodbye, all!" Yuna waved cheerfully.

"BYE, YUNA!" they all shouted in unison, quite creepily indeed.

"Oh, brother…"

* * *

_-S_


	6. The SS Sexy

Author's Note of Importance-

I'm so sorry…honestly, I am. I told you all I'd update soon, and it took me almost four months. It's so sad, I know. Just—the problem is, when I update a fan fiction, I tend to keep updating it and updating it, paying no attention to my other fanfics for a while. Yes, I know, bad. Which is why I plan to immediately start chapter seven after this one receives a couple of reviews, instead of allowing laziness to keep me from updating for months…again.

…Enjoy!

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Destiny of Not-So Final Fantasy, by Shadray

_Chapter Six- the S.S. Sexy_

"Welcome aboard the S.S. Sexy!" a crewmember greeted, waving merrily to everyone on the boat. "We hope you enjoy your tri- …oh, forget it." He left, humped over.

But for a ship that was supposed to be so sexy, there was an awful little to do.

The boat had now taken off, and the Isle of Besaid was only a small speck in the midst of a vast view from the deck of the boat. The guardians and not-so guardians had all separated themselves from each other, each of them mostly thinking quietly to themselves.

_Mostly._

"Oh, binoculars…"

Out of boredom, Dar kindly took the binoculars from a rather large man standing in the way and peered into them, paying very little heed to the portly man jumping up and down angrily beside him, trying to furiously grab the binoculars back.

It was a good thing he didn't pay him said attention—the sight of this particular man jumping up and down like that was enough to make anyone fling themself overboard.

"Hey, give me those!" the man, effectively named "Man," ordered angrily, chucking a sofa at him and missing. "They cost me some serious Gil!"

He reached forward, but moved much too quickly and fell off of the boat.

There was a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong screaming noise, and a thud.

Dar winced and mouthed the word "Sorry!" to the sinking man, but the only response he received was the sight of the man making a very rude sign with one of his fingers.

However, this particular sign was the last one he ever made, as a clan of famished piranhas were sneaking up on him. A moment later, there was a munching noise, a scream stifled by the water, and a burp.

No one noticed, so Darius decided immediately to keep this whole episode to himself.

He used the binoculars to look out into the sea. The sun had just peaked above the horizon, spreading a golden light out onto the waters. The water reflected the bright sunlight beautifully, and the sky was clear of clouds. Birds fluttered about the boat, chirping blissfully and carefree-ily. It was a lovely, relaxed, pretty moment.

Suddenly, angry waves in the sea began to shift the ship around unpleasantly, a thick cloud spread across the sky, and the birds imploded.

Dar was about to implode as well, when a hand clasped hard on his shoulder.

"Gah! _Who is it?_" Darius shouted with alarm, and instinctively turned around and kicked Tidus in the place where the light didn't go.

"OW! What was _that _for?" he yelped, clutching himself and jogging-in-place like a seven-year-old having to use the bathroom.

Dar frowned greatly. "You shouldn't have sneaked up on me in the _first_ place," he said dryly.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Tidus coolly, running a hand through his spiky, golden hair. His eyes then fell on the binoculars, and he grinned and ripped them from Darius' neck. Darius gagged and choked vigorously.

"HEY! GIVE—ME—THOSE—" he fumbled, attempting to regain the object, but Tidus smirked and pulled out of the way, causing Darius to tip over most unpleasantly, falling flat on the floor.

Darius' expression greatly resembled that of a "-.-;" as he picked himself up from the floor and muttered something about unkind videogame characters.

Tidus scanned the boat with the binoculars. He wrinkled his nose, disgusted, when he came across the un-good-looking sight of a short woman passionately sticking a long index finger deep into her nostril, rotating it, scooping out a peculiar greenish-yellow object, and flicking it into the air.

"Oh, _that's_ attractive," he said loudly, causing the woman to hear him and flee hastily.

After gagging appropriately, Tidus directed his gaze toward another part of the boat, where Lulu and Wakka happened to be arguing, using plenty of hand motions.

The dark-haired mage, Lulu, was apparently snapping at him for something, her hands on her hips unhappily. Wakka responded with a shrug and a few inaudible words, which resulted in Lulu screaming even more and backslapping him. Wakka clutched his cheek and muttered something under his breath, which Lulu evidently heard—her eyes grew wide, and her nose flared, and an extremely loud smack echoed consequentially. Kimahri, who was standing somewhat close by, folded his arms grumpily, as if making it known that he highly disapproved of the behavior of some humans.

Tidus quickly looked elsewhere. His eyes fell on Yuna, who was standing in the middle of a small crowd at one end of the boat.

This, however, was all that the blitzer had time to see as a bird dropped down to his level and began pecking at the binoculars in his hand, which almost immediately fell off and soared downward, to the sea.

"Hey! Come back here!" he shouted at them, but sadly the binoculars ignored him (…yes, non-living objects can ignore people, you know).

The binoculars slapped the bloated piranhas (who previously had previously munched on the previously oversized man that had previously fallen overboard) on the head—and they all blew up. It was a very pleasant sight—you know, seeing fish body parts flying aimlessly everywhere, smacking people on the head, and arms, and cheeks, and buttocks, and—

"...Nice," commented Dar, dodging a flying brain.

There was a long silence. Then, the sound of a blink. And then the sound of fish buttocks landing on Darius' shoes. Then the sound of a yell. Then the sound of him kicking the buttocks into the air. Then the sound of people screaming at the sight of a flying fish butt. Then the sound of the buttocks falling on the floor again. Then the sound of someone irritably stomping on it. Then the sound of various "Oooohhhhh…"s and "Aaaahhhhhh…"s from a group of people watching what was going on. Then the sound of another blink. Then the sound of someone carefully picking the previously-flying-fish-ass up from its end. Then the sound of it flying through the air. Then the sound of it slapping the water. Then the sound of about 50 sighs of relief. Then the sound of the author of this story stopping his endless babbling. Then the sound of the author starting up again. Then the sound of—

"_WILL YOU STOP!_" Tidus shouted irritably.

"Oh, sorry," said an unknown teenager with a shirt labeled "Shadray," scurrying off the scene.

There was an awkward silence, during which everyone on the deck exchanged odd glances, and the story proceeded on.

"_Anyway_—" Tidus began, but he was abruptly cut off by a tall, rather desperate-looking man with red hair and a worn out, leaf-colored backpack slung over his shoulders. He had walked up to the two, performed the all-too familiar Yevonite bow, and was now on the floor, kneeling imploringly. Apparently the man had previously been the one to fling the fish ass back into the sea.

"Excuse me, sirs—but, erm—could you spare a bit of change for O'aka? Business may be low, but I tell yeh, things will pick up again! Or my name's not O'aka the 10950392457349867943727690823424398768492053485728690485748960243857289602498562479582340876908472590749082684790275904672067023475485974350430730817304702347012357047371239057319057390471239759075347913759137413794712347193084794837295239047125612309856137403965981457947358941375390415734891047913740395445290147851974390157250817239047233rd!"

Darius tilted his head curiously, frowning. "What was that again?"

The man looked shocked as he said, "Er—you haven't heard of me? You know, the famous merchant? O'aka the 10950392457349867943727690823424398768492053485728690485748960243857289602498562479582340876908472590749082684790275904672067023475485974350430730817304702347012357047371239057319057390471239759075347913759137413794712347193084794837295239047125612309856137403965981457947358941375390415734891047913740395445290147851974390157250817239047233rd?"

Dar blinked. "_Who?_"

Tidus smacked his forehead.

"What! I forgot!"

"He SAID," Tidus started impatiently, "he's O'aka the 1095039245734986794372769082342439876849205348572869048574896024385728960249856247958234087690847259074908268479027590467206702347548597435043073081730470234701235704737123905731905739047123975907534791375913741379471234719308479483729523904712561230985613740396598145794735894137539041573489104791374039544529014785197439015725081723904723rd!"

Darius gaped at him. "How did you memorize that?" he asked warily.

"I've been practicing…."

O'aka, apparently realizing that he was groveling to two maniacs, immediately leapt to his feet and brushed himself off.

"Er—forget that. Call me O'aka." He held out a hand, and Dar, after spending much time inspecting the man suspiciously, raised his eyebrows, for he, sadly, was NOT about to shake hands with a guy who just touched a fish's uber unsexy butt-cheeks.

Therefore, Dar merely nodded politely. "Erm, sorry, but we kinda have no Gil for you," he said sorrowfully, shrugging.

The man named O'aka eyed the both of them warily, eyebrows raised above his hairline. (Which was quite odd-looking, really. I mean, have YOU seen someone with eyebrows in their hair? Quite unsexy-looking, I know.)

"_Don't hold back on me_!" he roared, grabbing Darius' collar and shaking him back and forth like a Magic 8 Ball. "_I—need—Gil—you—selfish—morons_!"

"WE'RE the selfish ones?" Tidus bellowed. "WE'RE not the ones begging for Gil!" he pointed out.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The merchant began shaking his head wildly, and started foaming at the mouth. He picked Darius up and literally flung him 20 feet into the air. Luckily, however, solar wind steered him back into place, and he landed perfectly in the same spot as before.

"Of course _that's_ natural," Tidus commented.

Dar quickly searched his pockets for something—anything—to give to this man. He found ONE Gil. _Yes! _he shouted internally, proudly handing O'aka this change.

The foaming abruptly stopped, and the untamed shaking of the head did as well. O'aka now looked calm, peaceful, tranquil, cheerful, kind, jovial, and a bunch of other good words that Darius couldn't think of at the moment.

_Dang…he now looks calm, peaceful, tranquil, cheerful, kind, jovial, and a bunch of other good words that I can't think of at the moment! _Darius thought gratefully, praying to Yevon for the gift of solar wind.

"Works every time!" said O'aka, grinning, and happily dropping the coin into his backpack, which, Dar noticed, was already crammed with excessive amounts of Gil from other customers.

"Well thanks, chaps!" he said, patting both young men on the backs. "I won't let you down, I won't! Watch—I'll be back, and with great items and prices!" He then paused and learned forward to whisper, "Did you know you two are the first to donate any money? Can you _believe_ that?"

"But—"

But there was no time to respond to this question without speaking like a chipmunk, as O'aka had continued, saying, "Well, I'd better be off!"

And the man walked downstairs, whistling merrily.

"…Dang," Tidus mumbled, watching as the merchant continued to stroll farther away like it was no one's business.

Dar nodded approvingly of said mumbling.

Then there was silence.

"Well, is there anything _else_ to do on this thing?" Tidus asked, kicking the side of the boat with his foot, which almost forced the entire ship to collapse.

"If you keep doing _that_, there won't be anything for _you_ to do for a while, brudda," Wakka grinned from behind him. He was holding some kind of fish, and was nibbling on it unsexily. "Sahagin?" he offered, flopping it in the air.

"Does it have an ass?" Darius questioned carefully, not wanting to have to go through another episode with flying buttocks.

"Well, of course! Who doesn't, ya?" Wakka replied with a smile, shrugging.

At that precise moment, a buttless woman dashed by, screaming something about the fashion-police never taking her alive.

All three of the men's eyes twitched. (Luckily for you, this person was indeed clothed fully on their front side.)

"_Her_," said Tidus, pointing at this woman, who was now being cuffed and dragged away. Dar nodded.

Wakka shrugged lazily with one shoulder. "Yeah…well, anyway," he said leisurely between bites, "what do you think of the boat ride so far? Nice, eh? They only make ships like _this_ in Besaid, you know: Large, spacey, roomy ships with plenty to do, brudda. Chappu and I always dreamed of going on ships like this, ever since we were little."

"Um—" Darius frowned. "No, offense, Wakka. But erm…well…um…eek…ug…eck…"

"GET OUT WITH IT!" Tidus bellowed intolerantly.

"…this boat sucks."

There was a silence. Then Wakka said quietly, "Yeah, I hate it too. Lulu has been screaming at me all day for 'inviting' you two inside the Temple. I TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR US! I just _had_ to get away from her for a while. Told her I was going to the bathroom—" He stopped short and eyed the two in front of him. "_Why_ did you go in the temple?"

"IT WAS HIM!" Tidus yelled unconvincingly, pointing a finger at Darius, who shook his head vigorously and started babbling incoherently about being forced inside the temple by a pack of man-eating fiends.

"—and—'cause they threatened to molest us if we didn't go, and THEN! …so we went, but then what had happened was, was that someone had eaten a slug, but and the priest was like—"

He was whacked in the head with a rock by a very annoyed passerby who just happened to be quite tired of overhearing his rambles.

"HEY!" he shouted, chasing this passerby around the ship for four laps, until the rock-thrower collapsed on the floor, dead.

"Having fun?" Tidus said, raising his eyebrows, and pointing to the man on the floor with large X's over his eyes.

"Yep!"

"You know, you two have got to be the most unusual people I have ever come across," Wakka commented, quite truthfully indeed.

"_Thanks!_" said Tidus optimistically, his eyes widened with pleasure.

Dar would've put in a word or two on this, when a sudden random thought came to him. About that moon…Nyl-…something. He had almost forgotten what had happened…except for the part where Nyl BROKE HIS SWORD, THAT LITTLE…. But he was getting off track. Moons weren't supposed to talk…unless they were sexy moons, of course. But THAT moon—was as far from sexy as it got. That moon was one uglyyyyyyyyyyy piece of—

"Fantasizing?" Wakka asked, noticing that Dar's eyes were unfocused, and he was doubtlessly drifting off.

"Yeah, um—Wakka… What did you say about that Moon back in Besaid? Something about it having to do with—"

"_Moon_?" The blitz ball captain rested his hands on his head leisurely and leaned back in the air a bit. "Oh…that thing…right. Well…all I know is it has something to do with…Sir Auron. Probably doesn't really matter, though, ya?"

The 14-year-old gaped. Auron? _Auron? _Wasn't he the guy who accidentally _on_ _purpose_ TRIPPED him into Sin's mouth? What could he have to do with this?

"AURON?" both he and Tidus shouted incredulously, their eyes widened.

"Hey, how do _you_ know him?" said Tidus, turning to face Darius with some suspicion.

Darius grimaced enormously. "Have you forgotten about Sin dragging my ass down from Zanarkand?" he questioned, receiving a group of posters and a pointer from his back pocket. "Observe."

He aimed the pointer at a diagram on it that looked like a picture of a bunch of sinscales chasing three males. "This was when we were being chased," he narrated matter-of-factly. Then, he switched this poster with another one and aimed the pointer at a picture of Auron tripping the two remaining males. "This was when we were being tripped," he said. He then switched to a different poster and pointed at the picture on it that looked like these two remaining males falling into the mouth of Sin. "This was when we were falling," he continued. Then, he switched to a different poster and pointed at a picture of Luigi bitch-slapping Mario.

"Um, wrong game," Shadray indicated under his breath, taking this poster away quickly and fleeing, before the readers noticed anything.

"But…don't you know anything _else_ about this moon, Wakka?" Tidus proceeded to ask. He gazed up in the sky, where said moon was still residing. (Hey, it _could've_ gone out of orbit or something.)

"Actually, no, brudda. I don't keep up with the news. Nobody really does around here. I mean, who _listens_ to updates about death, gore, violence, attacks, bloodshed, and money?"

"I do!" cheered a random little boy who had walked up to them. He, however, was snatched away by his mother, who scolded him fiercely, saying something about "NOT _AGAIN_, CALVIN!"

"But what does any of that stuff have to do with the _moon_?" Darius inquired wonderingly, his brow furrowed.

There was a pause. "…good point." Wakka nodded toward Lulu, who was standing alone, looking out into the sea on the other side of the ship. "You should ask Lu, though. Maybe she knows somethin'."

Heh. No point in _not _asking, right? Darius shrugged and decided to walk over to her and ask. Tidus would have as well, but he had the sudden urge to use the Little Video Game Character's room, in which he dived immediately. A group of startled women screamed at the sight of him entering their rest room, however, and he quickly entered the male one next to it.

Lulu sensed Darius immediately. "Hello," she said sharply and unsmilingly (as if disapproving somewhat of him), still gazing out into the sea. "What is it?"

"Erm—I was asking Wakka about the moon," he replied, pointing at the blue-streaked circular object glaring at him up in the sky, "and he said I should talk to you about it." Darius scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably as Lulu snorted and glared at him. He had the sudden urge to either (A.) leap off the boat, (B.) run back, or (C.) read Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix.

But seeing as he was (A.) much too lazy, (B.) much too lazy, and (C.) much too lazy, he just stood there and continued sheepishly, knowing that Lulu was still pissed about him entering the Temple when he was not supposed to.

"Do you know anything about it? Like—where it came from or something? It…kind of…" But he stopped. He would've told her about it speaking to him, but was afraid the mage would either (A.) not believe him, (B.) kick his ass, or (C.) read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Lulu glared at him hard. "No," she said firmly, "I do not. I don't know where Wakka would think I knew anything more than he did." She stopped for a moment. "Although I _do_ plan to find out…"

And with a very menacing expression, she marched off in Wakka's direction. She grabbed his arm abruptly and dragged him off to a small room in the middle of the deck, slamming the door shut.

Still, Darius could've sword he heard her say, "Why would you _tell _him about the moon, Wakka? You _know _what Auron told us about it and the 'Children of Yevon'! Not just _anyone _is supposed to know about it. It could lead to—"

"Hey! Darius isn't just anybody!" a male voice argued. Dar smiled and cheered him on, thinking, _GO WAKKA! _However, this was in much vain, as Lulu's voice rose dramatically.

"YOU JUST _MET_ HIM!"

"But Yevon's teachings tell us to be kind to _everybody_!" Wakka exclaimed in a rather innocent tone.

But Lulu was _not_ pleased.

"No, it doesn't, Wakka! Your antics have caused _too_ many problems for us. First Chappu, now THIS?" There was the distinct sound of a foot stomping the floor. "This is ridiculous!"

"Alright, alright, I'll—" But Lulu had already left the room. Wakka looked around. "Helloooo?"

_- - - - -_

Tidus walked out of the Little Video Game Character's room, refreshed. When he walked out into the open, the first thing he noticed was a lone blitzball sitting innocently in the distance, calling to him.

_Come, Tidus… Come… Come… You know you want to… Just a few more paces…_

He wanted to try to perform a certain move on it. The Jecht Shot…. It was his father's famous move, it was. Terribly difficult and hard to master, but Tidus always wanted to try it out. His father only laughed when he made a mistake—but look who was laughing NOW?

Well, no one. But that wasn't the point.

Tidus started to walk away, owing to the fact that he was much too tired to do anything concerning a blitzball at the moment. The thing kept calling to him…

_Come, Tidus… You know you want to try that move on me…_

"No. Go away." He began walking off.

_GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW, BLONDIE, BEFORE I KICK YOU UP AND DOWN THIS BOAT._

"HEYYYYYYYYY!" he screeched. "_No_ _one_ calls me a blondie!" Tidus fumed nastily. "_That_ makes me kinda angry."

"_HULK_ _TRANSFORMATION!_" His skin began to turn green, and his muscles became immense. He grew three times his normal size, and his clothes all ripped due to small size and fell off.

A bunch of over-excited fangirls screamed and trampled over, swooning.

—No.

Instead, Tidus shrugged and walked casually up to the blitz ball, picked it up, bounced it a couple times, and threw it into the air.

As it came down, he went up, his feet moved to kick the ball, and—they missed, and he came crashing down on the floor, creating an extremely large dent in the wood.

Yuna giggled.

"Wh- Wha?" he stumbled, bouncing back up as if he had landed on a trampoline. "Oh, it's you!" he beamed, strolling over, and limping. However, this limping looked more like strutting, and Yuna smiled.

"Don't _too_ get full of yourself," she laughed quietly, turning back to face the edge of the boat. Tidus did the same.

After a while of silence, Yuna said quietly, "The wind…it's nice."

(Well, owing to the fact that the wind happened to be rocking the ship back and forth violently, and causing various women's skirts to fly up, this was not very truthful. Tidus made no comment on this.)

"So…you're a blitz ball player, right? From Zanarkand?" Yuna continued.

Tidus raised his eyebrows, not daring to believe that someone actually believed him when he told them that he was from Zanarkand. "Yeah, how'd you know? Wakka probably told you, huh? He doesn't believe me."

The summoner's eyes glistened. "But I believe you! I know all about it…in Zanarkand, there is a great stadium, lit with lights…the stands are always full. Right?"

"Woah! How'd you know that?"

Yuna smiled and said, "A man named Jecht told me, of course. He was my father's guardian…. During the days when he was on his pilgrimage."

It was interesting, hearing from another person whose father was famous. Tidus felt like he could talk to Yuna about it for hours. But—he didn't. He didn't know why, but it had something to do with the alignment of the planets.

But something else was on his mind…. Jecht….

"THAT'S MY FATHER'S NAME!" he shouted piercingly, causing the fish in the sea to glare at him.

"Um—?"

"Jecht! That's my dad!"

Yuna seemed suddenly amazed.

"Wow! What a destiny, for us to meet like this, then!" she cried, still stunned. But Tidus wasn't smiling at all. He looked rather disbelieving.

But…It _couldn't_ be him, could it? I mean…since WHEN do dead people come back from their graves to assist people in their pilgrimages? "But…I doubt it," he said. "My father died 10 years ago, off the coast of Zanarkand. He went out to sea to go beat up this kid, but…he never came back."

"Oh my God." Yuna's eyes went wide, as if she were just realizing something very important. Which, indeed, she was. "But…that's the day Jecht came to Spira! It's true!" She clapped and hopped up and down energetically. "It was the day my father left… I first met Jecht 10 years, 4 months, 25 days, 5 hours, 57 minutes, 27 seconds, and 88 milliseconds, 47 billiseconds, 50 trilliseconds, 21 quadrilliseconds, 34 quintilliseconds, 54 sextilliseconds, 49 septilliseconds, and 98 octilliseconds AGO!"

Tidus slowwwwly backed away.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing!" he exclaimed suddenly. "I just—I mean, like…well, how would he _get_ here?" The idea was absurd to him.

Yuna frowned. "YOU'RE here, aren't you?"

"No."

But that was all that anyone had time to say, as the ship took a giant lurch to the side, and loud, piercing screams were heard. Tidus heard a distinctive shout: "_SIN!_"

_Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh crap, _Tidus thought, from his side of the deck.

_Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh crap, _Darius thought, from _his_ side of the deck.

_Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh crap, _Wakka thought from _his_ side of the deck.

_Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh crap, _Lulu and Yuna thought from _their_ sides of the deck.

...,Kimahri thought from his side of the deck.

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIO!" Mario cried from Super Smash Brothers Melee.

"_WRONG. GAME, DAMN IT!_" Shadray cried once again, dragging the Super Smash Brothers videogame far away from his fanfiction.

Everyone gaped, luckily not noticing either Mario or the author; a hugs, large whale-looking figure had burst from above the sea. Only its fin was visible over the water.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Many people ran for cover. And tripped.

Darius cackled at this, but was swept out of the way by Wakka, just in time to save him from an immense wave of water that was splashed into the ship by the gigantic monster. "Hey, that wasn't very nice!" Dar yelled at the fiend, but it rolled its nonexistent eyes and smacked the back of the boat violently, as if telling him to shut the hell up.

Yuna stumbled as the ship rocked back and forth, but Kimahri was by her side in an instant, preventing her from tipping off the edge of the boat. Yuna smiled at him quickly as thanks and ran over to Wakka's side. "What is _he_ doing?" she asked, pointing to a very unsexy passenger who happened to be readying a harpoon.

"Oh, no." Lulu smacked her forehead with pity as she power-walked to the others. "If they stick a harpoon in that thing, we're all going under. Idiots," she mumbled, shaking her head.

Wakka, apparently a bit too dense to figure this out on his own, widened his eyes and screamed at the stupid passenger. "HEY! STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO—"

But it was too late. The harpoon was now hooked onto Sin for good, thus connecting the S.S. Sexy and Sin as one.

"Oh, dear," Yuna murmured.

The ship lurched again, this time more powerfully, but Lulu shook her head. "Looks like we have to fight," she said gravely, pulling out a moogle from nowhere. The others got into their stances. Dar whipped out his newly gained sword, Dyrnsyn. This was going to be a piece of cake.

"Let's see what you got," Tidus mumbled, snatching out his sword. He lunged forward and being slashing viciously at the fin of DOOM, but said fin of DOOM was extremely thick, and apparently did not take much damage. It barely flinched.

While Tidus continued to attempt to attack harder and harder, two flickering Sinscales dove to the ground and stared menacingly at the group. Wakka shouted, "YOU WANT SOME?" and flung his blue blitz ball at the first scale, forcing it to explode into thousand potions.

"HEY! AN INVENTORY!" O'aka, who had burst in from nowhere, screeched, throwing the potions into his bag, and fleeing before anyone had a say in it.

Sin suddenly swung to the left, forcing the ship to swing to the left as well.

The other Sinscale tiptoed up to Yuna and flicked its wing at her, giving her a scratch on the elbow. "Ugh." She kicked it unconscious.

"_Yuna! Watch out!_" A whole new batch of Sinscales had approached, and was gaining on her nastily. She took this alert, and kicked them all off the ship. She grinned to herself, pleased. For the next few minutes, she was busy kicking the Sinscales off the ship while the others concentrated on Sin itself.

"_You_ are about to get your BUTT whooped," Darius said loudly, ready to show everyone just what the Dyrnsyn was made for (even though he didn't even know himself, since it just sort of…appeared in Besaid…). He held the lengthy, reflective, silver blade in the air and thrust himself at Sin, spinning around and hacking hard at the fin.

But, it wasn't the effect he had expected…. Instead of instantly forcing Sin to keel over and die, the so-called "powerful" sword caused very little damage; only the very tip of the blade had made contact, Dar noticed as he inspected the small mark he had left on the monster.

_WHAT? _he shouted internally.

He attempted to attack again; this time, he flicked his wrist to get the blade to fully make contact. But, the problem was—when he did make this sudden movement, it took away from the speed of his attack.

The fiend, this time, dived underwater, forcing the boat to dive with it. Dar looked around desperately for Yuna, and took her with him above the water. They panted desperately, and Tidus, Lulu, Kimahri, and Wakka sprang from the depths of the sea as well. A few moments later, Sin glided upward through the water, back into its normal spot, allowing the other passengers on the ship to breathe, and allowing the companions to grab on to the edge of said ship as it rose above the sea.

Kimahri leaped on the back of the monster and stabbed at it with his spear, using almighty strength. The monster attempted to wiggle its way free from it, but Kimahri stood steadily and continued his constant attacks.

Darius sprinted frantically to the back of the ship, where he could whack at Sin's backside without having to deal with it whacking back, and swung Dyrnsyn at it ferociously. It sped through the air, and at the last moment, he snapped his wrist to the side, and the slim sword slashed with great power. _ALRIGHT! _he thought loudly, gaining sudden motivation.

One of Sin's fins suddenly flapped at Wakka, forcing him to fly to the left side, right into Tidus. Lulu sighed and quickly cast Thunder on the angry fiend, before cueing Yuna to heal the two. Yuna understood immediately. (Well, not THAT immediately…. She had to finish off one more Sinscale first.) She raised her staff and muttered, "Heal!" A white shroud of mist surrounded both men, and they both slowly rubbed their heads and stood up.

"YOU FREAK!" Tidus screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He flew through the air at Sin, and began punching it furiously, forgetting all about the usage of his sword. Wakka, however, jumped high into the air, spun around, and pegged his blitz ball at it. It soared through the air, and skidded a bit on the fin of Sin, before turning around and zooming back into his hands. He cheered for himself, and tried it again, but missed.

"Yuna!" Kimahri called shortly from his place at the top of Sin's back, stopping his stabbing for a second. "AEON!"

There was a pause as everyone on the ship stared, amazed at what Yuna was beginning to do. She raised her staff to the sky, and called gracefully, "Valefor!"

The large, colorful, attractive bird soared down from the skies, and stopped, waiting for applause from someone. No one, clapped, of course, due to the current circumstance, and the bird frowned greatly. Yuna ignored this, however, and pointed determinedly at Sin, yelling:

"ATTACK!"

And almost immediately (as the other companions dived out of the way), a thick, blue beam of light burst from Valefor's beak, directly at the monster. There was a weird-looking mark on the skin of Sin for a moment, but it disappeared as this skin exploded massively, and forced it to flee.

Or—Darius realized with great dismay—instead of fleeing, it really was gaining on the village of Kilika. "NO!" he screamed, pointing furiously at the direction it was not taking.

Kimahri had dived off the being just in time to prevent him from being carried away to Kilika with it. Yuna saw what it was doing immediately, and as she was the only one who could attack it at such an extremely long range, she called for Valefor to attack once more.

The bird groaned, apparently annoyed. It rolled its eyes, and opened its beak once more, but the beam that came out was nowhere as powerful as it was before. Valefor was tired and sleepy, and so it attacked very weakly, and then flew into the sky before anyone could have any say about it.

The beam hit Sin right on time, but it only caused the fiend to flinch a bit. Everyone stared, horrified.

There was a roar, a shaking noise, and the collapse of a large section of Kilika.

No one spoke.

Then—Yuna looked down at the floor and said:

"I will defeat Sin. I _must_ defeat Sin."

The chapter was just about to end on this very dramatic quote, but a short, red Italian dude suddenly appeared from nowhere, screaming, "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIO!"

"_I **THOUGHT** I TOLD YOU YOU'RE IN THE WRONG GAME!_"

_->-_


	7. Town of Rather Unfortunate Events

Author's Note- Thanks, all, for the awesome reviews! I do have to say to Reyavie, though, that you are all going to have to wait for the reason behind the weird moon. I'm sorry, but it is much too early to reveal the main plot yet, so—BEAT IT! No, no, don't beat it! I was kidding!

Oh yeah—and guess _what_? For making it this far in the fic, you all get an OC!

Tidus: About _time_. Who _is_ it?

…just wait, crap it. You're IN the story! And soon someone else will be too… (cackles darkly) Oh, and um, before you read, I should probably warn you that this chapter is perhaps the weirdest so far. And now, with no further adieu…chapter seven of:

* * *

Destiny of a Not-So Final Fantasy 

Sin was now long gone.

The crewmember of the ship was now escorting people off the boat who were too nasty to do it themselves.

"Everyone! We would like to thank you for sailing with us here on the S.S. Sexy! We hope you have a…um…_wonderful_ day…and we hope you see you again!"

"Why are _you_ so happy?" Dar growled most unpleasantly at him, as the crewmember grew tired of assisting a particular elderly woman, and picked her up and flung her off the boat. "Half of Kilika just went '_boom!_' "

"Actually, it went, '_sizzle_'. And why should _I_ care about Kilika? _I _thought the whole place was fugly anyway! _I'M_ disappointed the rest of you didn't blow up _with_ it!"

Dar was ready to chuck knives at this person when Lulu, who had apparently overheard this, cut in, casting a particularly strong Fire spell on him, and he himself "_sizzle_"d.

Yuna, however, seemed to disapprove of Lulu sizzling people. The black mage frowned and reluctantly cast Water on the crewmember (who was now running around frantically, clutching himself, screaming, and attracting much attention); however, a few moments later, everyone realized that the spell had missed by a mile.

"Oh DARN," she said in an extremely innocent tone that fooled nobody.

Dar, who was starting to become quite irritated at the constant, never-ending screaming noise protruding from the frantic crewmember's mouth, cried, "WILL YOU SHUT—_UP!_" but the bothersome man continued screaming and running around in circles. Darius was about to "_accidentally_" fling a strangely shiny and pointy object right at him, but at that moment a sudden meteor went hurling down from the sky and pummeled the crewmember to the ground. The meteor, having successfully completed its task, bounced off cheerfully into the ocean, giggling happily.

The group of companions stepped off the boat with very troubled faces; a large section of Kilika had collapsed, and people were screaming from the death of their "loved" ones. (A few people cackled at the sight of these "loved" ones dying, and were thrown a very contemptuous look by Yuna.)

"'Welcome to—Kilika, the Port City of Unfortunate Circumstances,' " Darius read aloud, pointing questioningly at a welcoming sign that had seemingly propped up from nowhere. "Unfortunate circumstances? What's that mean? This isn't some kind of bad luck place…like Transylvania, is it?"

Kimahri rolled his eyes from a distance.

"A bit," Lulu answered matter-of-factly, nodding, now that she had finished with the crewmember from before. "A lot of—lets say—_regrettable_ incidents occur in this town. In fact, Sin"—she shuddered—"has attacked here _multiple_ times."

Yuna nodded as well. "Yeah…they keep having to rebuild the place—it's terrible! And I also hear that a lot of really unlucky things happen to the _townspeople_ here too."

"Like WHAT?" Darius said warily, beginning to realize that perhaps the _real_ Spira wasn't quite as similar to Final Fantasy X's Spira _after_ all…. First off, since when did a moon named Nyllia appear in Final Fantasy X? And SECOND AND THIRD AND FOURTH off, who ever heard of an unlucky town?

"Just—really unlucky things," Yuna continued quietly. "Like—" She began to speak so quietly that Darius had to lean in to hear her; this caused him to accidentally run into a random bystander, who meow-ed at him and scratched his arm.

"…like that," Kimahri uttered shortly.

A small number of people suddenly made their way to the group. "Hiya!" Tidus greeted as the group in front of him began performing the irksome Yevonite bow, beaming at Yuna as if they had been praying all their life that she would come to meet them.

"…WE DON'T KNOW YOU," sneered an extremely tall, burly, manly woman, who happened to be named Le'tasha, and was nastily peering down her nose at him. She snorted, and would have most likely bitch-slapped Tidus to hell, if he hadn't backed away nervously.

In fact, the only people who didn't look frightened were Kimahri (surprise, surprise…not), and, well, Le'tasha's mother, who had suddenly appeared with a very long whip.

"Oh…Mom…" The burly girl's eyes widened greatly. "I was just… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" And she scrambled off the scene, for her mother had begun to lash the whip against her body angrily, yelling something about defiant children.

"Well. Isn't THIS town pleasant?" Darius observed in very, very sarcastic tone that earned him a kick in the shin from about five Kilikans who had overheard him. "I mean—I didn't mean _this_ town, I meant…THAT one!" He pointed to the right.

"Uh—" Wakka ran a hand through his hair nervously as he whispered, "That IS part of Kilika…"

But before any more kicks could take place, Yuna, obviously annoyed, held up a hand to silence everyone.

"Greetings, all! I am the summoner Yuna…. Most of you have heard of me…." She curtseyed. "Anyway, um—I've come from the strip bar in Besaid."

Everyone gaped.

Lulu leaned forward to whisper something to Yuna.

"_Oh!_ Whoops, sorry. I meant to say—I've come from the _temple_ in Besaid," Yuna continued.

Everyone's faces cleared in relief.

Yuna smiled politely and bowed once more. "If there's no other summoner here, please allow me to perform the sending…."

Everyone exchanged glances; they knew that no other summoner really cared enough about Kilika to actually VISIT. However, they did not want visitors to know this, so one of them said, "Um—of COURSE there are other summoners!" However, he quickly explained to Yuna and company that the other summoners were all currently using the restroom.

_Oh God… WHY are they in the bathroom at once? _Darius thought curiously, hoping against hope that the summoners weren't busy doing what he THOUGHT they were doing in there. Tidus and Wakka seemed to have guessed what he was thinking, because they shot him extremely disturbed looks that clearly said 'GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!'

Still, Yuna, Wakka, Lulu, and Kimahri were soon guided into the sending site by the Kilikans, who were whispering excitedly amongst themselves about a summoner finally visiting their unlucky city.

"Oh, thank be to ye!" a woman cried as she took the lead and led everyone away, to the site of the sending.

* * *

Five seconds later, Tidus said, "_Ohhhh_, are we supposed to _follow_ her?" noticing that everyone else seemed to be playing a very dull game of Follow-the-Leader, with the woman as the Leader. 

"Hmmmmmmm…" Darius pondered stupidly. "Nah, we're probably supposed to just…well…sit here." He nodded. A moment later, the sound of crickets chirping followed, and a tumbleweed rolled by.

"…TUMBLY!"

He and Tidus ran off, following the tumbleweed in an extremely stupid and OOC manner. Interestingly, the tumbleweed ended up leading them to the exact spot where Yuna was beginning to perform "the sending." They would've continued to follow the rolling plant, but, sadly, it blew up, and they were forced to join everyone else.

The area didn't look much like a sending site, really…. It looked more like a, well, dump.

_But that's because it IS a dump, _Darius thought, kicking a nearby piece of mold, which kicked him back.

There was a very large stack of dead bodies sprawled out on the ground of the sending site, and beside them was an extremely small kiddie pool. Beside THAT was what looked horribly like the skeleton of a cute, nice, poor little—tarantula. And, as if this wasn't unsexy enough, Wakka had suddenly decided to chuck his blitzball at it, creating a rather loud "CCCCCCCCCRRRRUUUUNNCHHHHHHHHH" noise that forced Lulu to snatch the blitzball away and angrily cast Water on Wakka.

The woman who had led everyone to the site blinked and cleared her throat, stepping forward.

"You have no idea how glad we are to have the Summoner Yuna here," she yelped, bowing. "We thought our loved ones would become fiends!"

Tidus laughed. "Why would you think _that_?" he chortled, resting his hands on his head casually, and beginning to randomly jog in place.

"…because all but ONE of them have _already_ become friends, idiot. AND STOP JOGGING! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!"

"_Thanks_, old woman." Narrow-eyed, he observed Dar, who was coughing in a _tremendously_ fishy manner, and he kicked up a large amount of dust in his direction.

Kimahri folded his arms. "Kimahri disapprove of interrupting the sending," he muttered, nodding toward Yuna, who was standing in the middle of the crowd silently, waiting for a signal.

(Everyone seemed to ignore the unintelligent question that Tidus had posed: "Woah! You can _talk_?")

The woman nodded in agreement. "Shall we begin?"

The whole town seemed to have begun watching now—and everyone abruptly stopped talking as Lulu and Wakka, grinning, sent the summoner a thumbs-up sign. The crowd went very tense. No one moved, no one blinked, as Yuna grinned back at her guardians. Her eyes then fell upon Kimahri, who nodded with much unspoken support. In the very uncomfortable silence, she beamed anxiously up at Tidus, who pumped a fist into the air cheerfully. She looked like she was about to turn to Darius next, and everyone stared and waited eagerly for her to do this and begin the sending. The souls who had died in Sin's attack were just about to be sent to the heavens to live peacefully where they belonged. All of the townspeople's worries had floated away. This was what seemed like a moment of life or death. Then—

"_ACHOO!_"

Everyone turned to glare menacingly at Darius.

"_What? _I had to sneeze!"

The entire Kilikan village performed the infamous anime sweat-drop.

Lulu signaled Yuna to begin; she smiled and peered down into the tiny, round kiddie-pool that sat in front of her, and cannon-balled _head_ _first_ (and YES, that's possible) into it. Tidus and Darius stared in horror and quickly covered their eyes with their hands, waiting for Yuna's head to go "CRAAAAAACK!"—but interestingly enough, there was no such sound, and as they slowly peered ahead, they saw (with much surprise) that Yuna had landed perfectly in the pool, on her feet.

People broke out into applause.

"Oh, cool!" Dar whispered to Tidus, who nodded with wide eyes. But then Darius stopped and stared. "Waaaait a minuteeee…" He walked forward to glance at Yuna's feet in the water, and he gawked immediately—

_She was walking on water._

But this was all that Darius had time to see, for he was shoved back into the crowd by a random Kilikan.

Two minutes later, the clapping had still not ceased, and it was quite obvious that Yuna was becoming rather tired of waiting for the ovation to end: She had fallen asleep, and was now snoring. Lulu had to shove her way into the center of the crowd and scream "SHUT THE HELL UP!" before the applause began to die out.

"THANK YOU," she shouted, irritably turning back to Yuna. "Now continue."

Darius found it hard to tell what was going on after that. Yuna had begun to dance oddly, waving her staff around like a wand. Elegant, blue, swirling souls began to dance around her slowly, making the whole scene look a lot more...well...goodlooking. However, most of this goodlookingness was immediately taken away when one of said souls turned around and smacked her in the face. Then, the rest of them began to attack the crowd, causing mayhem.

People were now screaming, women were now clutching their babies close to their chests, men were now running forward to battle the livid souls (who flicked them out of the way), and birds were now releasing strange, white substances from their behinds. Five seconds later, Yuna fell into the kiddie-pool with a splat, and 98.9999 percent of the crowd fled, screaming.

"Er—that wasn't supposed to happen, was it?" Darius asked, noting that the remaining 1.1111 percent of the people who had _not_ fled only consisted of him, Tidus, Lulu, Wakka, Kimahri, Yuna, and a strange-looking 94-year-old woman who was batting at Wakka with her buckled purse.

Lulu shook her head with much pity. "Like I said, this town is known for its—shall we say—_unfortunate_ occurrences," she muttered lowly, folding her arms. "I wouldn't be surprised if the whole _place_ blew up." She snorted disapprovingly.

"I'm—not—too sure—you should—talk—about that—happening—ya?" Wakka shouted over at her while dodging continuous swings of the woman's purse. "You'll—jinx us!" Then, obviously angered, he snatched the purse from the woman and threw it far away. She glared at him and ran after it. "Besides, we still have to get to the Temple tomorrow, ya? We should get there in one piece!"

"…_temple_?" Tidus stared at him, and then at Yuna, who merely nodded. "You mean there's another one of those?"

Lulu chucked a moogle at him.

"Of _course_ there is. Without temples, how _else_ would we get the Final Aeon to destroy Sin?"

At this, Tidus looked completely baffled. Darius could easily determine what he was thinking, and he said, "Final Aeons are used to kill Sin—they're the only way. The most powerful, sexiest Aeon there is—in Zanarkand."

Everyone gaped.

"SEXIEST? And how did you know that?" they asked simultaneously. It was an understandable question, really; they all had previously thought that his being close to Sin had resulted in partial memory loss. Of course, they had also thought that Oprah was a type of Hungarian fish, but that was very much beside the point.

"Um, I…I…er…I guessed?" Darius said in a very shifty manner that fooled no one. Only Yuna seemed to believe him. How she was so easily deceived, he didn't not know. And neither do you.

Kimahri eyeballed him suspiciously. "Kimahri think not."

"Hey, it doesn't matter." Yuna smiled, gazing dreamily in the direction of a wide structure that was labeled, 'THIS IS THE KILIKA TEMPLE, IDIOT -.-;;;;'.

"At least we'll be earning our second Aeon soon!" she beamed, pointing at the temple. "I can't wait!"

"Yes you can, ya? You'll have to! We have to have another good night's rest before we can go in there," Wakka exclaimed in a matter-of-fact tone. He seemed quite proud that he had said something that didn't cause Lulu to bitchslap him this time. He did a little victory dance.

However, his spirits were quashed as Lulu stepped forward and bitchslapped him.

"Don't be so blunt, Wakka!" she said fiercely, her eyes flashing. "Don't worry Yuna, we just have to rest and stock up on items before we go in. You know the kind of danger that lies in the Cloister of Trials."

"Danger? DANGER? There's DANGER there?" Tidus shouted suddenly, his eyes widening. "What kind of danger?" He most certainly was not about to face another bout with Sin, nope nope nope.

"Well, sometimes you step on a dust bunny or two…. And sometimes the air gets a bit warm…. Not to mention the ants—"

"Oh yeah, and THAT'S going to cause a horrible, fiery death," Darius muttered sardonically.

He was the next to be bitchslapped.

"Yes, actually, those ants put up quite a good fight!" Lulu snapped truthfully. "Now, I suppose we should all be readying ourselves for when we obtain the Aeon. Especially since the unluckiness of this town is bound to cause a few fiends to show up…. So—_GET TO BED_."

Wakka winced, clearly not wanting to face the wrath of Lulu (and THIS was on a GOOD day), but still said, "But, it's only midday! We'd be sleeping for 24 hours!"

"If you think we'd be sleeping for 24 hours, Wakka, then I'm guessing that you normally sleep until around midday—which is quite ridiculous," Lulu snapped.

Darius grinned sheepishly. He wasn't about to admit that he usually slept until 3:00 p.m. on the weekends (and that's on a day when he _wasn't_ tired), so he kept his mouth shut.

"Wow, so there _is_ a first time for everything," Tidus muttered under his breath, referring to the silent Darius, which resulted in Dar glaring at him.

"But in any case, Wakka's right," Lulu continued, evidently paying no heed to neither Darius nor Tidus, who was backing away from the evil stare that Darius was sending him and accidentally stepping on an ant which angrily whacked him in the face. "And once SOMEONE shuts UP, I can _continue_," Lulu said impatiently, annoyed at the "OUCH!" that Tidus had uttered.

Tidus stifled himself.

"_Thank_ you. As I was saying, Wakka may be right; we shouldn't wait until morning, it would delay our journey by far. We'll gather necessary materials and meet at the entrance to the Temple in exactly 60 minutes…. Yes, and remember: Only the _official_ guardians can enter the Cloister of Trials; the others must wait outside."

Everyone nodded.

"Oh—and if you're _one_ minute late," she added, casting an unpleasant look at no one other than Darius and Tidus, "suffer the consequences."

She brandished a moogle threateningly, which wouldn't have been so creepy if only the moogle didn't look like the devil reincarnated: It grinned maliciously with unnaturally wide eyes that reminded Darius strongly of a cross between the Ring girl and his mother, and its head slowly rotated 360 degrees as it cackled malevolently. The sky suddenly went dark and cloudy, and lightning struck 15 inches away from where he stood.

"…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Wakka screamed promptly, for he had been standing in the exact spot where the lightning struck.

Tidus broke out in hysterical laughs while Lulu rolled her eyes, putting the moogle down her shirt (hey, I'm just telling it as it happened). The darkness and cloudiness went POOF! and things were back to normal. Darius heaved a long sigh and wiped a trickle of sweat of his forehead with the back of his hand. Kimahri was not amused by any of this.

Yuna giggled softly at the sight of the red-haired guardian sizzling, but, in the end, cast cure on him to save everyone the agony of having to listen to his never-ending "OUCH!" "EEK!" "OW!" and "AHHHHHH!"s.

"So, we're meeting at the temple in an hour?" Darius recapitulated while awkwardly edging away from the redhead, who was now _moaning_ (eww) with pleasure that he had been healed.

"Oh, and um, Wakka?" Darius added, turning to face him. "Lets _NOT_ have an orgasm."

A nearby flower withered and died at the sound of these words.

"Oh! Oh, oh sorry…. It just feels so much better now…."

And at the sound of THOSE words, every plant within a radius of 5 miles withered and died immediately.

"Um…I'm leaving now," Yuna said very quickly, sweeping away while making sure to stay as far away from Wakka as possible.

"Yeah, me too."

"Same."

"Good bye."

"Hn."

And in that very speedy instant (everyone had said their short goodbyes at the exact same moment), Wakka was left alone, bellowing, "HELLOOOOOO?" and listening to about 40 echoes _of_ it.

* * *

_- - -_

"Hey, _watch_ it, random guy!"

Darius looked downward and stopped walking; a fairly small, black-haired girl with dark brown eyes, who was wearing a pair of dark jeans and what looked like a smooth-textured, black shirt, was standing in front of him.

"FIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND! YOU ARE GOING _DOWN!_" he cried, snatching out Dyrnsyn so quickly he almost tore his pants open (and, as sorry as I am to say it, NO ONE wanted to see THAT). He waited for the Command System to come up so that he could attack, but the girl suddenly screamed, "Wait, no, I'm not a fiend!"

Darius eyeballed her. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…um…hello," he greeted awkwardly, putting Dynsyn away. She was a bit more than a head shorter than he was.

"You interrupted my walk!" the girl continued sexily and unsexily. "I was _trying _to impress someone…."

Darius stared at her inquiringly. "Oh, yes, and um, who would that be?"

But before the girl could point to anyone, talk about anyone, glomp anyone, or do 'The Nasty' with anyone, Tidus came jogging up from nowhere. "Hey, Dar! Guess what—?" He stopped, noticing the girl, and peered at her. "Oh! Hey there!" he greeted, grinning boyishly. "Who's this?" he asked Darius.

"Hey, don't I know you?" the girl exclaimed suddenly, her eyes widening animatedly. "You... Isn't your name 'Tidus'?"

Tidus didn't say anything; he was busy wondering just how the heck this random girl had known a portion of his name. Had Darius said something to her before about it?

She _un_-cocked her head to the side. "Anyway, although you DID interrupt me while I was trying to impress someone"—her eyes flickered over to an exceedingly old man who hornily gave her two eyebrow raises ("NYAHHHHHHHH!" Darius shouted, hoping against hope that this man was NOT, AND NEVER WOULD BE, the person she had been attempting to impress)—"you _did_ entertain me…. Here, you can have this gil!" she exclaimed blissfully, flicking a coin into the air.

But before either Darius or Tidus could catch the thing, the old, horny man came sprinting over in a miraculously fast manner, caught the coin in his teeth, and dove off, yelling something about "HAHA, SUCKERS!"

"Heyyyyy! That wasn't for _you_—!"

But the girl was cut off by the "Plop!" noise that had ensued, indicating quite bluntly that the man had imploded before he could get away.

Darius wasted no time in collecting the gil that the man had had.

But Tidus hadn't taken his eyes off her. "How—how did you know my name?" he asked her warily.

"Why, she's a stalker of course," Dar answered instinctively, earning him a kick in the balls by the girl.

"…I don't know where I know you from…but I could swear I met you before. I think," she said to Tidus, who had now rested his hands on the top of his head, and was leaning back leisurely, "that you're a warrior or swordsman of some kind."

"Alright…." But he didn't look very believing.

"Oh! Hey, I've been talking to you guys this whole time and I haven't even told you my name! Isn't that funny! Uh—don't answer that," she added to Darius, who looked like he was about to say "NO." Which, of course, he was. "I'm...Brynna."

"That hard to remember your own name, huh?" Tidus questioned.

"No, it's just...um... Oh, look! Distractions!"

Darius didn't know what she meant by this, but was sure that she couldn't have been talking about her name still—unless she was THAT much of a stalker. But then again, what does being a stalker have anything to do with names? But then _again, _why doesn't 1 plus 1 equal 11? But then AGAIN, why were planetariums so popular in Venus? And who, exactly, came up with the term, "obliviation"? Was it a dog? A cat? A your-mom? Why is the word "phonetic" not spelled the way it sounds? All sorts of questions lingered in Darius mind, most of them not making any sense what-so-ever. He decided to forget about all of the questions, however, when he realized how long he was making this particular paragraph. Luckily, he _did_ forget about them when he remembered suddenly that he had to meet Yuna and the others back at the Temple in less than five minutes now, and he hadn't gotten any materials.

"What about you guys?" said the girl optimistically. "Who are you? I haven't really met any decent people here in a looooong-ass time…most Kilikans are fatally fugly. You two must be foreigners, right?"

"Yeah, this is Darius, and I'm Tidus," Tidus said. "We're aiding—uh—_Summoner_ Yuna with her pilgrimage. S'posed to meet her and the others at the temp—OH SHIT…sorry about the language," he added to the girl, who rolled her eyes, muttering something about people always treating her like a five-year-old.

"You realize we're supposed to be at the Temple, don't you?" Tidus whispered to Dar, knowing that Lulu would chop off their asses with that evil moogle of hers if they were the tiniest bit late. "What time is it?"

Dar grimaced at him. "Does it LOOK like I have a watch? Are there even watches IN Spira?"

"Yeah, actually…."

"What are you two whispering about?" Brynna asked suddenly. "It's _me_ isn't it? Well, you can SHOVE IT—"

But the girl did not have enough time to finish her sentence, for Darius had clapped a hand over her mouth, and the only sounds issuing out of it were "MMM! MMMM! _MMMMMMMMMMM!_" and then a sudden "OUCH!" that had come from Darius, for she had licked the palm of his hand to get him to remove it from her mouth.

And yes, I do realize that that entire paragraph was just one long run-on. Get over it: Nobody likes grammar these days.

"That—is—NAASTY," Darius commented, snatching his hand away faster than you could say "Abakazabadooliceynamentalishnesslierestafoolbiaccakiewnlostev."

"Yeah, but it never fails," Brynna smirked, slower than you could say, "……I'm sexy, bitch." But this smirk faded away almost immediately when she noticed a piece of parchment fall to the floor next to Tidus. "Hey, is that yours?" she asked him, but before he could look down to see what it was, a very disgruntled voice barked seemingly from nowhere:

"_**DARIIUUUSS! TIIDUUUS! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE BEFORE I KICK THEM UP AND DOWN THE PIER!** _…please."

It was undoubtedly Lulu, from the Temple.

A few seconds later, Brynna shrugged at the lone paper that had drifted to the ground. She picked it up, pocketed it, and gazed, amazed, at the trail of dust that the two "guardians" of Yuna had left when they had zoomed away, toward the Temple.

* * *

"Oh no, no, NO, NO, NO! THERE ARE WOODS HERE?" Darius shouted internally, externally, and unsexy-ternally, knowing very well that Lulu would most certainly chop of his butt and roast it for supper if he was any later than he was now. _I should've remembered that from the real game…_, he thought, kicking a nearby tree and consequentially causing much pain in his big toe. 

"Looks like it!" Tidus cheered, obviously oblivious to the fact that the woods would slow them down on their way to the Temple. "Not to worry, though, man—these woods look easy to get through… Here, follow me…."

He peered around a corner, as if to check to make sure there were no fiends around, and he then peered around another corner, and then he peered around another corner, and then he sniffed his armpit, and then he peered around one last corner before saying, "Good, coast is clear. This way!"

"Tiiiiiduuussssss…! I swear: If you get us lost, I'm going to KILL YOU—"

But such threats were useless, as three seconds later, Tidus furrowed his eye brow and stopped moving altogether. "Uh…we're lost," he said, ignoring the anime-sweat-drop that Darius had produced from behind him.

"That's it! _I'll_ be leading us from now on." And with that, Darius took out the slim, silver sword, Dyrnsyn, and ambled forward. He was determined to get there _now_ in _one_ piece. Oh no, Lulu would not be munching on his butt-cheeks tonight, he'd make sure of it. _Nothing _was going to distract him from—

"HEY, IS THAT SIMON _COWELL_?" Darius shouted suddenly, scrambling forward. Tidus smacked his forehead, half-wondering who Simon Cowell was, half-wondering why he was _wondering_ who Simon Cowell was, and half-wondering how it was possible to have three halves of something.

The next few events happened so quickly that Darius didn't know what hit him—literally and figuratively.

What he had seen had _not_ been Simon Cowell, I'm very sorry to say. But it _was_ something extremely similar: a huge, extremely overgrown, fat, butt-ugly, venomous plant with vines sticking out of its torso and a tremendously large mole protruding from its face, with a very helpful label over its head that read, '_LORD OCHU (Optional); HP: 4649; AP: 40 (60); WEAKNESS: YOUR MOM; STEAL: YOUR MOM _'.

"……………………………………………………………………………………….crap."

Darius was about to flee hastily, but Tidus had stopped him from doing so. Tidus looked more closely at the label of the fiend. "Hey, I think we can beat it!" he said encouragingly, grinning. Dar, however, knew this would only delay things even more.

He pointed this out, the golden-haired 17-year-old only kept grinning, and said, "We can steal a 'your mom' from it, and then use that same 'your mom' as an attack to kill it!" He pointed at the particular parts of the label that stated that the fiend's weakness was 'your mom,' and that it was possible to steal a 'your mom' from it.

Darius, amazed at how quickly this situation had come about, shrugged and decided to try. "Fine! And this had better work!"

"_BATTLE TIME!_" the narrator boomed. "WHO WILL WIN? THE POWERFUL, ALMIGHTY LORD OCHU? OR THE WEAK, FOOLISH YOUNG LADS WITHOUT A CLUE? FIND OUT WHEN WE RETURN!"

"SHUT UP!" Tidus shouted in the background, beating the narrator down.

Darius ran up to the fiend, quickly stealing a box that was being gripped in one of its protruding vines. "Got it!" He smashed open the box, and a 51-year-old popped out.

"_MOM?_"

"What the…?" She looked around. "Where am I?"

Then her eyes fell on Darius. "RAISHAD! DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK YET? AND WHERE'S TRUNX? YOU DIDN'T STUDY FOR THAT ALGEBRA TEST, DID YOU? I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR—"

But Darius quickly shoved his mom toward Lord Ochu.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THIS SOME KIND OF _SCHEME_? HEY! WHAT THE—?"

But both Lord Ocho and Darius's mother had suddenly exploded, causing Darius to win the battle. He cheered for himself, as a weird, blue, rectangular screen came up that he immediately recognized from playing RPGs in the past. _It was time to collect the spoils!_ On the screen, the words "**Level Up!**" were shown, and beneath that, it read, "You've earned 354 Gil," "76 AP," and "Items: Thunder Ring."

It was quite unusual that this happened, he thought as Tidus gaped at the huge screen in front of them. After all, none of the other battles that he'd taken part in lately had culminated with such a screen. But then again, he realized, Kilika WAS known for weeeeird, unusual events to occur….

After the spoils were collected (yes I know—I have no idea why these random animals are carrying 354 Gil and a Magic Thunder Ring), he and Tidus quickly proceeded to the Temple. They climbed a set of steps and kicked the door to the Temple down, causing a nearby priest to run over, screaming about the "proper" way to enter a temple:

"You must caress it! You must touch it softly and ask it if it is okay for you to open it! And if it responds with a 'yes,' you must bow and kiss it. If it doesn't, you bow and kiss it before leaving. And if it does both, you must hug it and slurp it and—"

But he was left standing there, talking to himself as the two ran past, looking about for Yuna and the others—but they were nowhere to be seen.

"They must've already entered," Tidus concluded, after searching inside a trashcan for them.

"Nice theory, Einstein." Dar frowned heavily, and a few burly men began to repair the door he had previously kicked down. Interestingly enough, they were finished within a matter of—well—_seconds_. "And um…WHY would they be in a trashcan!" Darius proceed to ask Tidus.

"Some people hide well in those, you know…."

"I'm quite sure."

He was about to ask someone if they had seen Yuna and her guardians enter the Cloister, when the door that had just been repaired was violently kicked down for a second time. This time it was thanks to a half-naked, dark-skinned woman with black hair, who was followed by a tall muscular man, flexing his biceps in a very disgusting manner that attracted no one.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DOOR? YOU MUST _CARESS_ IT!"

But she merely snapped her fingers dismissively, and the muscular man behind her stepped forward, lifted the door-lover into the air, and quite literally snapped him in two.

The woman swept past, suddenly coming to a halt when she reached Darius and Tidus, who were, like everyone else in the building, staring at her.

"My, my, my, my." The woman smirked horribly. "_So. You're_ the two idiots who were keeping that girl Yuna waiting, are you? Hmph. Figures. I haven't seen a pair of filthier-looking fools in my life, _including_ Barthello," she spat, sending a sly look at the brawny man behind her, who seemed to have no clue that he had just been insulted.

"How do _youu_ know Yuna?" Tidus inquired suspiciously. "Who _are_ you?"

"Why, the summoner Dona, of course. And I just met the girl a few minutes ago; they were waiting for two young men who they called 'Dar and Tidus.' They _described_ to me what you two looked like, and I must say I'm not surprised." She scowled at them. "Anywho, I'm just the messenger here—you've been told to stay and wait here until they return."

"We KNOW, Dona," Darius snorted, his eyes stinging from looking at her ugliness too long.

Her smirk only grew wider.

"Oh do you?"

Dona snapped her fingers again, and Barthello immediately stepped forward and shoved Darius down to the elevator platform that lay ahead.

"Hey, biatch! Just _what_ do think you're doing? What—_hey_!" he shouted, for the elevator had started going down and he didn't have enough common sense to jump off. Tidus was rudely shoved into the elevator as well, and as it came to a stop at the bottom, creating a loud "THUD!111111oneoneoneone111!one" noise, the only thing Darius could still hear was the cold, merciless sound of Dona's laughs.

Lulu was sure to kick their asses to hell _now_, and there was really no way to go back up since the elevator had miraculously broken once it had finished taking them to the bottom floor (damn those elevators!). What luck, eh? So, Dar, with Tidus following not too far behind, stepped forward, into the Cloister of Trials.

- - -

"I hate doing this," Tidus muttered, approaching a nearby sphere and examining it. "Hey, I think I found one we need!"

"Uh, Tidus?"

"Yeah?"

"THAT'S NOT A SPHERE."

Tidus raised an eyebrow. "Then…what is it?"

"THAT'S SOMEONE'S EYEBALL."

"No it's not," Tidus laughed quietly, staring closer at it.

And to his horror, it stared back.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He flung the thing at a nearby wall; as it made contact, it went _Splat! _and a white gooey substance oozed down the wall.

"Uuuggh…" both Darius and Tidus grunted in unison, gawking at the oozing eyeball material—but then, to their complete surprise, the wall slid open like an elevator door, and revealed another corridor. They exchanged flabbergasted looks and grinned, then stepped forward.

Tidus immediately ran forward when he saw what was awaiting. "Hey, tick-tack-toe!" he cried, exuberantly leaping onto one of six small squares that were carved onto the ground. It seemed, however, to be a trap, or some kind of randomly odd game for the mental, so Darius quickly screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" in a suddenly and unnaturally deep and sluggish voice, thrusting him aside before the entire temple collapsed or something.

"Hey, what was _that_ for!" Tidus yelled, getting up to his feet.

"You IDIOT! It's probably a trap!" Dar examined the squares closely without touching them.

"Sorry, but you will _never_ be a detective," murmured Tidus perfectly audibly. He was ignored.

"Hey, maybe…." A light bulb had just popped out of Darius's head; he just got an idea.

He beamed, then scowled, noticing the rather weird-looking light that was floating nastily over his body. He snatched the light bulb and was about to smash it on the ground when yet another idea came to him. What if there were six spheres that had to be placed in each square? And he could use the lightbulb to guide him through the dark passageways…. "Yeah!"

"'Yeah' what?" Tidus asked, clueless.

"I'll bet you anything we have to place six spheres on those squares. Here—we'll search"—he pointed to the right—"I'll go this way"—and he pointed to the left—"and you go that way. Okay?"

Tidus nodded and trailed off to the right while Darius trailed off to the left, completely unaware that they were both GOING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS of what they had agreed to, the idiots.

"Spheres, come out, come out wherever you areeee…" Darius called as he looked about for some _round_…circular objects (and NOT the body parts, perverts). "Come on…come on…" He was beginning to lose his patience after about two minutes of this. "GET YOUR FUGLY ASSES OVER HERE, DAMN IT!"

"…FINE! But WE'RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT!"

And with that, three spheres came rolling along toward him. He picked them up and went back to the tick-tack-toe area, where Tidus was now standing again. When asked why he hadn't returned with any spheres, Tidus shrugged and said, "I was too lazy. I came right back here after a second or two," and Darius chucked one of the spheres at him, narrowly missing his arm.

"Here, just place them on it," Tidus said reassuringly, most likely only to prevent more objects from being thrown at him. "Maybe it only needs three…."

Darius hoped he was right, for if he wasn't, he could always maim Tidus right then and there. There would be no witnesses of course, except for the talking spheres, which he would have to dispose of immediately once the public had found out about them—

"SOME TIME TODAY?"

"Oh, sorry," Darius mumbled sheepishly, lazily dropping the three balls on the ground. The room suddenly began to grow brighter and brighter until the spheres evaporated.

"Wait, how can solid objects EVAPORATE?" he suddenly yelled into the light, and as if on cue, everything suddenly went back to normal, and a staircase that had not been there before appeared on the right of the corridor.

The two not-so guardians warily walked into the room that the staircase had led to, looking behind them to making sure that the spheres had not triggered anything else to occur.

When they entered the room, the first thing they saw was Lulu, Wakka, and Kimahri glaring at them.

"What are you doing in here?" Lulu asked sharply, apparently taken by surprise, "and _why_ didn't you wait outside for us, like you were told?"

"Hey hey hey, it was NOT our fault!" Dar declared proudly. No one seemed amused, and he quickly added, quite truthfully, "That Dona woman, it was her! She _shoved_ us in the elevator." Tidus nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Kimahri still no approve—not guardians."

Dar was tempted to make it known just how little he gave a crap that Kimahri didn't approve, but he didn't, for Wakka had begun to speak, shaking his head. "You just can't go around breaking the rules of Yevon like that, brudda," he said. "It could get us in trouble!"

"_Trouble?" _Tidus repeated incredulously, raising his eyebrows. "What _kind_ of 'trouble'? Are the priests gonna come after you with mallets?" he said sarcastically.

Wakka looked very thoughtful. "They've actually done that before…. But anyway, you still can't do that. It's not good, ya? Isn't that right, Lu?"

And for the first time, she fully agreed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, well I think the whole thing is a load of shit anyway," Darius mumbled, becoming irritated at the matter.

Lulu's eyes flashed angrily and she stepped forward, but had no time to say anything, for Yuna had just stepped out of the Chamber of the Fayth was now collapsing on the floor. Kimahri leapt forward to catch her before her fall, and he carried her all the way outside, with Darius still in an unpleasant mood as he followed.

* * *

Outside, when Yuna had regained consciousness, she thanked all of her guardians for helping her, then turned to Tidus and Darius. "Hey, I heard what you two did," she said quietly. "Thanks. You came to help me even if it meant breaking a Temple rule." 

"Yeah," Tidus mumbled with a slight smile, choosing not to mention that he had been forced to go down there by of that old hag, Dona. "It was nothin', really!"

Yuna beamed, then looked at the ground awkwardly and said, "Hey, um…I feel like I know you a lot better…and—I know I can trust you. I was hoping you two could become my official guardians."

"_Seriously_?" Darius asked, breaking out of his quiet state (yes, Darius being quiet, quite a surprise, I know).

But Tidus looked uncomfortable.

"We don't have to, like, do any ceremonies or anything, do we?"

"Of course not! Why would you think _that_?" Yuna giggled, resulting in Tidus heaving a long sigh of relief.

"Oh, good…." The two nodded at her, and she ran off to tell Lulu, Kimahri, and Wakka almost immediately.

But when they descended the steps that led the path back to the forest, Darius stopped dead, staring wide-eyed at yet ANOTHER, huge, green, scaly, butt-ugly monster that hade seemingly popped up from nowhere. It was taller than Lord Ochu, however, and it seemed to have been waiting to ambush them there all along. The fiend, which, LUCKILY (sarcasm) turned out to be a sinspawn, grinned.

_Not another FIGHT!_ Darius thought. He groaned.

It grinned wider.

He groaned louder.

It grinned WIDER.

He groaned LOUDER.

"WILL YOU STOP MOANING HORNILY!" Tidus boomed at Darius, but then finally noticed the huge fiend that had appeared, blocking the path to the woods. "Oh, damn."

"Great," Lulu grunted under her breath, taking out a moogle. "Yet another fight."

"This town really DOES suck, ya?"

"Hn," Kimahri put in.

Darius whipped out his sword—he was quite sure that _this_ fiend—Sinspawn Geneaux—wasn't going to be kind enough as to tell him what its weakness was, unlike Ochu.

_Time to kick some sorry ass, BIZNOTCH!_

Yuna immediately cast Haste on Lulu, who smirked in gratitude and began shooting frantic Fire spells at its tentacles, which were long and menacing enough to strangle 1500000000 sharks to death and still have time for lunch. After a few seconds, the tentacles had all disappeared, and the tough exterior of the Sinspawn unwrapped into its true form: A 20-FOOT TALL PIECE OF NASTINESS WITH SIX EXTRA-LONG FINGERS, AND YET ANOTHER MOLE ON ITS FACE.

Darius was the first to attempt to lunge forward and attack. And he was DEFINITELY going for that damn mole first! He waited for the Command Screen to come up and quickly selected the Attack icon.

However, it took him about 15 seconds until he was able to attack, since he had to wait for the Active Time Bars to fill up.

"STUPID ATB SYSTEM!" he cried, thinking very much of how he longed to get fffaaaaaarr away from this unfortunate little town.

He lunged forward, raised Dyrnsyn, and slashed down on the Sinspawn, forgetting that (A.) in order for his weapon to attack at its full potential, he had to flick his wrist at the last possible moment, and (B.) that he had left the sink running back at home.

"CRAP!"

But the Sinspawn Geneaux whacked him brutally with one of its terribly long, curly fingery-looking things; the result was Darius was knocked far away from it, where he could no longer attack or BE attacked.

Wakka sprung into the air, and, with two hands, thrust the ball through the air—it soared right onto the skin of the monster, skidded for a second, and shot back into his hands. He cheered, "YEAHHHH!" but, unfortunately for him, was so busy cheering himself on that he had fallen to the ground with a deafening crash, creating somewhat of a crater in the ground.

Yuna decided to put her newly acquired Aeon to use—it seemed as though everyone were losing the fight so far anyway.

"_Ifrit!"_

An enormous Aeon with dark brown fur, humungous claws, and what looked like red flames protruding out of its head at different angles sprang from the ground. It roared dramatically, causing everyone to stop and stare at it, quite amazed.

"_METEOR STRIKE!" _

The Aeon of fire produced a huge, glowing, fiery orb from its hands and aimed it at the Sinspawn. It roared, ready, and began to thrust the meteor at the fiend—

But a less-than-5-foot-tall girl had suddenly flung herself onto the battlefield, and the Aeon, surprised, accidentally dropped the meteor on its own foot, killing itself immediately.

"HERE!" she screeched, chucking a strange object at the Sinspawn. Darius and Tidus recognized her immediately.

"_BRYNNA?"_

The object finally made contact with the spawn of Sin, and a huge explosion immediately commenced. Everyone dove for cover, narrowly avoiding the flying particles of the Sinspawn's mole, which had been blown off its face promptly. And as for the _rest_ of the Sinspawn, well, let's just say the mole was the only remaining part of its body left.

"Whooooooooooo! I did it! Oh, come on out already, it's gone!"

Everyone gaped at the little girl who was now doing a victory dance, cheering excitedly for herself.

"What—are you doing here!" Darius and Tidus shouted at once, hardly believing what had just happened.

"What am I _doing_ here? You should be _thanking_ me! I just saved your lives, BUCKO. Oh yeah, and you should thank the merchant over there, while you're at it; he was the one who sold me that rare mega-grenade. Cool, _huh_?"

"Who's this?" Yuna asked Tidus politely, carefully walking over.

"Oh, sorry, I'm Brynna," the girl said, bowing to the summoner. "Met those two earlier." She nodded in the direction of Darius and Tidus. "You're Summoner Yuna, right?" She watched Yuna nod, and then grinned and said, "I've always wanted to meet you."

Yuna's suspicions seemed to float away. "Oh!" she beamed.

"Uh, why'd you come here, Brynna, anyway?" Tidus asked.

"Oh, right. You dropped this behind you when you left earlier on." She handed him the parchment that had floated to the ground from earlier on. "Something important?"

While Tidus held it and gaped at it, the others glanced over his shoulder at the thing—even Kimahri seemed curious. It was very odd. It had a 5 different phases of the moon on it: one showed the whole moon; another showed three-quarters of the moon; then half; then one-quarter; and the last showed a dark blue outline of the moon, but it had no center. He stared blankly. _What the _hell_ was this? _

"Huh? Uh—no, that's not mine, unless SOMEONE'S been hiding something from us," Tidus replied, looking straight at Darius, who shook his head 'no.'

"Then who—?"

But Lulu, who had also been observing the piece of parchment from over Tidus's shoulder, abruptly snatched it away. "Where did you get this from?" she asked sharply.

"I thought Tidus dropped it…."

Lulu frowned and put the parchment away. "I see. Forget about it."

Darius eyeballed her skeptically, knowing vaguely that it had something to do with Nyl and the moon. AGAIN. What was going on? And why did it seem that Lulu was so determined to hide something from them all? This whole thing was becoming very annoying.

"D'ya know what it is?" Wakka asked her, furrowing a brow slightly.

She hesitated, and then said shortly, "No." And the matter ended as quickly as that.

Brynna looked from Lulu to Darius, and back again, but didn't say a thing, except for a quiet and thoughtful "_Hmm_…." She then smiled once more. "Anyway, where are you guys going now? You must be off on your pilgrimage, huh?"

"Well, we _were_ just about to leave for Luca—" Wakka began.

"LUCA? The blitzball tournament's starting there soon!" the girl cried gleefully. "Is that why you're going?"

"Well, kinda, see," he continued, running a hand through his hair heavily. "I'm the captain of the Luca Goers, and Tidus here…" There was a pause, as if wondering just why he was explaining this to someone he'd just met. "Well, it's on the way to the Mi'ihen Highroad," he summarized.

Brynna beamed and said, "AWESOME! Can I—um—tag along?"

No one responded to this immediately.

"Er," Darius said. "But it's dangerous, and…you could hit your head or something! Or be raped," he added, but to no one's surprise.

But Yuna seemed to disagree. "I think she'd be a wonderful addition to our group! The more the merrier, right?"

The black mage behind her did not smile at all.

"She's a little kid, Yuna! The pilgrimage is for people close to you only, people who are willing to protect you. Not some nine-year-old—"

"_Nine year old? _That's 11 and a half, _thank_ you! And did you not just see me save your ASSES?" she reminded the woman, who considered this.

"Whatever the summoner thinks, I'll go with."

Kimahri snorted. "Kimahri disagree too. Kimahri no think random little girl—"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? I AM NOT LITTLE!"

But she seemed to forget that she was about 3 feet shorter than Kimahri, who peered down his nose at her reproachfully and snorted once more. Yuna, however, ignored the thoughts of her guardians and welcomingly said, "Welcome! You can come along with us for now at least, okay?"

"WHOOOOOO!"

Darius grinned; he could tell by the look on Lulu's face that she was quite unhappy about having to deal with what looked like yet another insane child.

Still, Wakka seemed to be the most cheerful. "Off to the tournament then? ALRIGHT!" he shouted, pumping a fist into the air.

Soon thereafter, just before they had reached the 'city limits' of the unlucky town of Kilika, Darius, Tidus, Darius, and Brynna all began chanting what they called the "Blitzball tournament song," causing Lulu's mood to worsen, as she screamed, "SHUT UP!"

They would have, but suddenly, another tumbleweed rolled by, and all four of them ran after it, stupidly screaming:

"TUMMMMMMBLY!"

"THAT'S IT!" screamed Lulu, snatching out the moogle once again from her shirt that looked like the devil reincarnated. "I _said_—SHUT _UP_!"

At this threat, all noise immediately ended.

It would be quite a miracle if the group made it to Luca alive and in one piece.

Quite a miracle indeed.

_->->-_

_-S_


	8. Auron!

* * *

_Chapter 8: Auron!_

Yevon, a fat, short, and bald man with no eyebrows, frowned and stroked his kitty, Fluffy, while looking around his throne. "**Whereth art my servant?**" he boomed, agitated. "**SERVANT! GET THY ASS OVER HERE.**"

The servant shuffled into the room, scowling.

"What is it THIS time?" he questioned. "I just finished scrubbing your toenails, waxing your scalp, and, yes, plucking your cat's eyelashes! I have fed both you _and_ the cat, cleaned out the litter box, done 'The Nasty,' eaten five types of sushi, made an appearance in the fourth chapter of Destiny of a Not-So Final Fantasy, and cleaned the dishes with a rusty toothbrush! What MORE is there,_ O_ _Mighty One_?"

"…**you dare speak rudely to _me_?**" Yevon raised his eyebrows in a calm manner. Fluffy brandished her claws. "**I do not tolerate such behavior**." He then looked down at the cat in his lap and said, "**Fluffy? You know what to do**."

The cat abruptly flew off the fugly man's lap and towards the servant, who stared. Fluffy opened its huge, gaping mouth—and a good ten seconds later, the servant was no more and Fluffy's hunger had been greatly satisfied. Fluffy rubbed her tummy and strolled outside to pee.

Yevon smirked and looked down at the crystal ball in front of him. In it, Darius and six other people were entering a faraway city, Luca, and had no idea that they were being watched stalkingly.

"**Well, well, well…. So the bitches and bastards art finally getting a move-along. Good! It is about time**." He then looked up into the sky, where the blue-streaked moon still resided. "Ah, I see-eth Nyl hast been watching over them**_… _THE FOOL!** **_AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH! EVIL FEELS SO GOOOOOOOOD!_** **YES**!"

At that moment, the blue-streaked moon disappeared from the sky, and a pissed-off woman with red hair suddenly materialized from thin air and glared at Yevon.

"My god, I can hear thee moaning from all the way in the Moon. Thou art not _playing_ with yourself again, art thou?"

Since when was _she_ allowed in here? Yevon thought grouchily. "**_NYLLIA!_ You know very well I don't play with myself on weekdays! HOW _DARE-ETH_ THEE ENTER-ETH MY VICINITY! **…**eth**."

"Oh-eth, drop the fake Bible accent, Yevon," the woman, apparently named Nyllia, snapped back. "_My _Bible accent is REAL. Yours—is not. AND WILL THOU STOP WITH THE BOLD FONT?"

"…fine. Now leave; you are not welcome here, Nyl. You're just lucky my magic can't affect you, or you'd have six extra heads by now. GET OUT, hoe."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, thou never _were_ a good lover. I'd exert all my force, and thou would do nothing. And, regarding Darius and his group, I shall be exerting all my power-ETH to be protecting them from thy direct mischief!"

"Try it, biznotch!"

"I will, f--ker!"

"WATCH YOUR F--ING LANGUAGE, FOOL."

"I AM NOT A FOOL, YOU PIECE OF—"

"_WHY YOU LITTLE—"_

_

* * *

Notice: I am sorry, but our online Parental Control system has forbade you to read the rest of this scene. Please enter the correct four-digit lock code to continue. Until then, we shall skip the vulgarity of this scene, and continue with the part in the story after Nyl exits. _

* * *

Yevon rubbed his hands together maliciously. 

"_Finally_ Nyl is gone gone. But it is almost time… Dar, and the others, will be in my clutches soon. And then…the plan will succeed." He picked up Fluffy, who had returned from her peeing session, and stroked her back. "Yes…."

* * *

_Back in Luca…_

Well, after many arguments, threats, and bitchslaps, the group of seven actually DID end up making it to Luca alive. If that wasn't a miracle, I don't know what _is_. In fact, after one hour of enduring insane actions from Wakka, Darius, Tidus, and Brynna, Lulu had gotten to the point where she couldn't stand it anymore and cast a Silence spell on the entire group.

However, this only worsened things, because precisely one minute after the said Silence spell was made, Darius's head had blown up from the pressure, spraying out confetti. Lulu looked like she wanted to celebrate—but luckily Yuna was able to heal him, because it was quite obvious that Lulu would not have done a thing. Kimahri, apparently the only normal one in the group, merely strode alongside Yuna and kept to himself, casting unpleasant looks Darius's way.

However, in due time, the group finally arrived at a large, modern-day city with plenty of occupants. Yuna took a step forward, and immediately a small crowd started to circle around her.

"Summoner Yuna is here!" a two-month-old baby cheered.

"Wait, I thought two-month-old babies couldn't talk, ya?" Wakka muttered, confused. "Are we at the right place?" He scratched his hair, which died and turned gray immediately.

"Of course we are, _Wakka_." Lulu grimaced at him. "Now someone get these people away from us, so we can proceed!"

"I'll do it!" Darius strode forward and opened his mouth importantly to tell everyone to shut the hell up and move out. However, he stopped when he noticed that the majority of the crowd was not looking at Yuna, but at Lulu. He followed their gaze to the exact part of Lulu they were looking at—and gaped. _PERVERTS! _he thought.

Unfortunately, the crowd was now drooling all over itself, staring at a particular area of Lulu's…top half. They wouldn't notice Darius even if he tried. _I know what I'll do, _he thought, and pointed ahead. "EVERYONE! FREE ORGIES AT THE HOTDOG STAND!"

"ORGY? WHERE!"

And with that, the entire crowd jumped over each other to reach the "hotdog stand" in time to join in on the fun and pleasure.

Darius turned around and faced the others, who were staring at him in horror. "What?" he queried. "Everyone loves a good orgy!"

Kimahri stroked his chin and glanced up at the sky, apparently having a pleasing flashback.

"Well, where's our first stop?" Tidus asked after enjoying his own flashback, attempting hastily to cover up the drool.

"We must first see Maesters Mika and Seymour up at Dock Three!" Yuna exclaimed, beaming. "Brynna has said that they are supposed to be here soon. Right?" She turned to the smaller girl, who thrust a fist up into the air and cried, "Yep!"

Unfortunately, this thrust of her fist into the air hit a nearby bird, which had been, at the moment before its death, pooping. The bird's droppings, regrettably, landed directly in Wakka's mouth (he was just in the middle of a very robust yawn) and Lulu, once again, had to cast a sad Silence spell at him to get him to shut up.

Wakka hastily spit out the nasty liquid, which, he later declared, tasted just like chocobo feathers. Sick in the stomach, he led to the way to Dock Three, utilizing helpful signs to aid him.

The dock was filled with a very large swarm of people watching what looked like a tall, blue-haired he/she with loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong-ass nails step out of an elegant ship, onto a platform.

_Seymour, _Darius thought, marching forward to kick him. He still didn't forgive the nasty man for constantly killing him whenever he played Final Fantasy X back on Earth, resulting in a screen with the words "G-A-M-E-O-V-E-R" flashing over and over again and Tidus sprawled out on the ground, dead.

How dare that long-nailed fiend kill him! Darius kicked him once more and then realized what he was doing. The crowd stared at him in disbelief, and Maester Seymour batted his long, curvy eyelashes and flicked him away.

Darius went flying 10 feet in the air, and landed back with Yuna, Tidus, and the everyone else, who blinked.

"Uh, hi!" Darius greeted, waving.

Yuna's face greatly resembled a "-.-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;", and she looked like she was ready to summon Valefor on him. "_What_ are you doing?" she questioned.

Luckily for Darius (and you too, since Valefor surely would have kicked his ass to death, and then there would be no more story for you), Darius was not able to reply, for another maester had stepped onto the platform. Apparently this maester was the main attraction, because the second the crowd saw him they all burst out into applause.

Tidus leaned over to whisper to Brynna and Darius, who were the closest to him. "Who—the HELL—is that?" He pointed at the new maester, who looked a lot like a miniature prune on legs.

"Oh, that's Mika," Brynna replied, nodding energetically.

"The oldest man in the world," Darius put in, causing Lulu to "accidentally" step on his foot and claim that Wakka made her do it.

"_Grand_ _Maester _Mika," Kimahri corrected, making sure everyone spoke of him respectfully. "Humans must have respect for elders."

Yuna nodded in agreement. "He has beeen the Grand Maester for over 50 years now!" She beamed and bowed in his direction, although the maester could obviously not see her from his position up front. Before Tidus could ask anything, she added, "He is the leader of all the people of Spira. He's come all the

way from Bevelle! The tournament is being held to honor his fifty years as

maester."

Darius squinted to look more closely at the wrinkling man, but Tidus asked, "Fifty years? Shouldn't he be decay and dust by now?"

"Well, naturally, he is," Darius responded, still squinting, without turning around. "Only, someone's put all the decay and dust together, in the shape of a man!"

SMACK.

"OUCH!"

Lulu withdrew her hand and smirked as the entire crowd turned to glare at Darius for making such noise. "Oh, shove it!" he yelled at them, and they did, indeed, shove him. Maester Mika, realizing that he needed to regain the crowd's attention before they all beat up each other, hurried forward to receive a nearby microphone on the floor, which was about 10 normal paces away.

The maester walked as fast as his legs could carry him to the voice-amplifying device.

But naturally, being 555,555 years old _would_ require you to move "at a snail's pace." And interestingly, a snail on the floor was indeed beating him to the microphone. Oh, Mika would be there soon, don't worry. Soon…. Soon…. Oh, it won't be long now…. Eh, only a matter of time…. Another minute or two…or three…or…four? Oh, hurry UP, it's been five minutes now. Six? Seven? Eight? Nine? Ten?

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD." Brynna shoved her way through the crowd, which was now on top of Darius, pounding the living daylights out of itself. She picked up the microphone and shoved it toward Mika, who snatched it away, peeled off the snail that was now wrapped around the handle, and spoke into it.

"**AHEM!"**

Silence.

"Good. Now, people of Spira, I thank you for your _generous_ welcome." He turned to Seymour. "Rise, Maester Seymour. And all of you as well. I present to you...the son of Maester Jyscal Guado, who departed for the Farplane a fortnight past. As some of you already know, he has been officially ordained a maester of Yevon."

The area broke into applause, and a particular girl took one glance at Seymour and died.

"I am Seymour Guado," Seymour stated. ("No—you're Michael Jackson," Darius said sardonically, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.) His eyes met Yuna's. Tidus noticed this and scowled.

"I am honored to receive the title of maester. In life, my father Jyscal worked to foster friendship between man and Guado. I vow to carry on his legacy, and to fulfill my duties as maester to the best of my abilities."

"Hmph," was Tidus's comment on all this.

"Butt-nasty," was Darius's comment on all this.

"Shut the hell up before I cast Thunder on you," was Lulu's comment on all this.

"_QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEET!_" Mika shouted in the microphone, causing it to have the right temperature to circle you from the storrrrrrrrrrrrrm.

"The blitz ball tournament celebrating the half-century of my title as Grand Maester shall commence in approximately one hour. Good day to you all, and I hope you see you later." He flung the microphone into the sea. "Now I must utilize the restroom," Mika added hurriedly and suddenly, and he rushed off, supplying horrible odors from his rear end.

Seymour followed, and Darius was sure he saw Seymour give Yuna a wink before he turned the corner.

"Was he winking at YOU?" he, Tidus, Brynna, Wakka, and Lulu inquired, appalled.

Yuna tilted her head slightly, surprised. "_Me? _No! Why _would_ he?" Lulu and Wakka seemed relieved and completely reassured, but Darius and the others weren't so sure.

"Because his fingernails are the size of Manhattan," Darius murmured.

"Because his eyelashes are as long as noodles," Brynna muttered.

"Because his stomach pokes out more than Lulu's br—"

But luckily, before Tidus could finish, Kimahri said, "Have respect for maesters and summoners," and Yuna smiled, agreeing.

"So, we'd better mosey on, so you guys can meet the blitz team, ya?" Wakka said, apparently trying to change the subject. "'Specially if Tidus here's gonna help us win!" He gave Tidus a noogie, and Tidus backed away, not wanting his hair to fall out. "Follow me!" Wakka exclaimed, attempting to do backflips in his excitement, and eventually led the group to a musty room filled with musty people.

Darius and Tidus slipped inside and when Brynna attempted to, Wakka cried, "This is the MENS' locker room!"

"Awwww, but—"

SLAM.

_- - -_

"Hey! It's Cap'n Wakka!" Datto screamed from inside the locker room. Then he saw Darius and Tidus. "And…you two. Grrrreat."

"Don't look so glad to see us!" Darius exclaimed sarcastically, performing an anime sweat-drop. "How've ya been?" The blitzers in the room were all sprawled out across the area, attempting to do push-ups. Unfortunately, not ONE of them was able to do this correctly, and so they all looked like idiots.

"We've been terrible. We're all pissed off! We're NEVER going to win this tournament! We lost every other time, and we'll KEEP losing until pigs start flying!" Datto exclaimed, ripping out his hair and chucking it on the ground.

"LOOK! A FLYING PIG!" Darius cried, pointing in the sky.

Tidus frowned pensively. "…wait a minute…. There IS no sky; we're INSIDE. How can you be pointing in the sky?"

"Um…plot twist?"

**BOOM!**

Datto blew up from the stress.

Darius blinked and exchanged unworried glances with everyone else. "Ah well, he was ball-hog anyway," Wakka said, shrugging. He then turned to talk to the team. "Everyone! This is the last meeting before the match! We've been seeded, so we only need to win against the Luca Goers to win the tournament!"

Everyone cheered.

"Yeah, and then you won't be losers like you are now!" Darius exclaimed encouragingly. "You'll be HEROES!" He then stopped and thought for a moment. "Well, actually, you'd still be losers."

"Yeah, but that's okay, people will still acknowledge us somewhat," Wakka said. He grinned and said, "So what's our team goal, bruddas?"

"TO LOSE HORRIBLY AND SHAME OUR ANCESTORS!" they all cried in unison.

"EXACTLY!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—!"

"_NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!_" Tidus stomped on the ground and stood on one of the benches. "Our team goal is to WIN! You play for victory, not to be spat on by some stupid Luca Goers! People just _like_ THEM because…well, I don't know! But that's not the point, Aurochs! We will go out there, swim our asses off, fling blitzballs at the other goal, surreptitiously foul the other team, and at least _attempt_ to win! So when I say, 'What's out goal?' you say 'VICTORY!'"

There was a murmur among the Besaid Aurochs. "Nah, we better just stick with shaming our ancestors," another Blitzer, Jassu, said.

Everyone turned to face him. "No, we're going to win, and that's that!" Tidus bellowed forcefully, jumping down to shake Jassu like a rattle. "I'll be helping, don't YOU worry. Got it?"

Jassu nodded fearfully and fled to the other side of the room.

Darius shrugged. "Well, are we ready, guys?" he asked.

The whole room was shocked. "WE?" they shouted, as one. "YOU ARE _NOT _PLAYING WITH US!"

_Hey, why not? _"Butt-butt-butt—"

"Sorry, but the rest of us have come to the conclusion that you suck," Wakka said, shaking his head. "So no butts."

Just then, a woman with an exceedingly large butt walked in and out of the locker room, winking at each and every blitzer.

"Except for that one," Tidus commented. The others nodded. "But other than that, NO BUTTS." And with that said, Darius was quite literally kicked out of the room, and he landed outside of it, on his ass.

* * *

Grumbling incoherently, Darius walked over to the closest chair he could find, which happened to be in a bar. He plopped himself in the chair, and watched the TV overhead. 

He had previously thought he'd be out there playing blitzball with the rest of them, and now that he wasn't going to be, this made him a bit disappointed. Uuuurggghhhhhh.

_But wait a minute, _a voice said from within him. _You DO suck. _

_No I don't! _he thought back stupidly.

_Um…yeah, you do, fool. _

_Oh SHUT UP. _

He kicked himself in the shin, causing this voice to go away. He realized soon afterward that he must have gone crazy a long time ago, but didn't have time to contemplate this because of a sudden loud noise coming from not to far away. Darius looked up—and saw—

Kimahri and two larger Ronsos engaged in a verbal battle. Well, actually, since the Ronsos weren't very good with correct speech and grammar and all that crap, it wasn't very verbal. But it did consist of:

"Why not talk, Kimahri? Not see Yenke for ten years! Say something! Kimahri forget Yenke? Forget Biran?"

"Leave Kimahri alone, Yenke. Kimahri too fugly to talk to us."

Kimahri said nothing, but stared at the ground. "Hey! Kimahri can kick your asses anytime!" Darius said, walking over. "Show 'em, Kimahri!"

Kimahri blinked. "Kimahri have to use restroom." And he fled, leaving the two tougher Ronsos, Biran and Yanke, to munch on Darius's flesh.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Dar tore out of the place and ran until he hit a pole and fell over. He then looked behind him and saw that the Ronsos were gaining on him— He jumped back up and continued to flee until he hit yet another pole and fell over. When he looked back again he saw that the Ronsos were starting to gain on him once again, so he leaped up and starting fleeing again until he hit _another_ pole and fell over. This cycle continued for a good ten minutes, until Biran and Yanke came across an attractive female Ronso and decided to hit on her.

Of course five minutes later, in the middle of their conversation with her, the female Ronso's 15-foot boyfriend stomped over to them and kicked Biran and Yanke's asses all the way to Mt. Gagazet—but that's beside the point.

"Phew," Dar said, wiping a bead of sweat of his forehead, which flew off and hit a bystander in the eye. "Good thing I have such superb running skills!"

The entire planet stopped to crack up at this.

_Orrrrrrrrrr not, _the voice said from within him. He mentally threw a stick at the voice, but unfortunately the voice only threw the stick back. Darius proceeded to walk around until he stumbled upon—oh, what LUCK!—the blitzball stadium!

Apparently the game was about to start, as Maester Mika and Seymour were in their high, royal, leather seats, and everyone else was seated in rusty, dusty lawn chairs. Dar looked around for a good seat, but found none. Except for… Hmmmmm.

Down the aisle was the commentator box, where the commentators, Bobba and Jimma, sat.

(Which brings up a good question: Why, in God's name, does every single character associated with blitzball in Final Fantasy X have FIVE LETTERS in their name? Tidus, Datto, Letty, Jassu, Botta, Keepa, Wakka, Bobba, Jimma…. The list goes on. I, the narrator of this story, shall give you a cookie if you know the answer. But for now it seems I have strayed off topic…AGAIN. Back to the story…. Wait, where was I? Oh yes, the commentators…)

_Hmm… Commentators, eh? _Dar thought, contemplating a plan. He strode to the commentator's box, kicked down the door, and cried, "THERE'S ANOTHER ORGY AT THE HOTDOG STAND!"

And at hearing this, Bobba and Jimma exchanged excited glances and immediately dashed to the hotdog stand.

Darius smirked. _The commentator's box is mine! It's all mine! _he shouted internally, performing a victory dance. Unfortunately, what he thought to be a victory dance actually turned out to be a rain dance from olden times, and a storm came and he was struck by lightning.

But that's not the point.

Anywho, Darius looked downward to see that the Besaid Aurochs were now strolling out of their locker room and to the stadium.

From the opposite side of the stadium, the Luca Goers appeared, rudely sticking out their middle fingers at the opposing team. Darius noticed that a team of hot cheerleaders on the side were waving pom-poms and doing flips excitedly and cheering for the Goers.

Unfortunately, the cheerleaders that were cheering for the Aurochs consisted of a dozen old, overweight ladies in spandex.

Darius's eyes nearly ran away from his sockets at this terrible sight, but he managed to keep them in perfect condition as both blitzball teams got into their stances in the arena. A loud whistle blew, and the game sprang into action.

The finals for the tournament—had begun.

* * *

"KIMAHRI!" Brynna screamed frantically, searching for him everywhere. "KIMAH—" 

Kimahri appeared, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Kimahri, Yuna's been captured by some Al Bhed bitches!" she screamed.

The Ronso's eyes bulged in alarm. "How do you know this?" he questioned.

"I just saw them carry her off—THATAWAY!" She pointed to another street. "Hurry, we have to find Lulu first!"

Kimahri nodded and broke off into an extremely fast sprint, faster than Brynna had seen him bother to do before. She assumed that Kimahri only deemed it necessary to dash this quickly when it seemed like Yuna's life was at stake, but she didn't care and didn't dwell on the matter. In a matter of just a few dozen seconds, they caught sight of Lulu who was searching hysterically for something.

"THERE you two are!" she cried, revealing her stressed features. "Where have you _been_? Yuna's been—"

"Kimahri and Brynna know," Kimahri interjected anxiously. "Came to get you."

"Good. We must make haste. I don't know what they want Yuna for, but I have a feeling it involves virginity, sex, and very sickening details. This way! They were headed for Dock Four." The trio headed toward a street to the right at a very brisk pace, pushing their way through a particularly humongous crowd at the hotdog stand.

When they came near the designated dock, an Al Bhed man leaped in front of them to stop them from passing. "_Aha!_ **Vneahtc uv** Yuna!" he cried, brandishing a sword. "**Oui crymm hud bycc**."

Brynna scowled. She did not know what the hell he had said, but she HAD heard the word "Yuna" in there. She quickly whipped out a dagger from seemingly nowhere and attempted to leap forward, but Lulu held her back. "

"Little girls should not fight in death battles—or play with knives," Lulu advised. "I'll made quick work of him." She took out a moogle and made a hand gesture—and the Al Bhed was suddenly engrossed in a thin sheet of fire. They hurried past him before he could recover.

"And I am NOT A LITTLE GIRL! Now many times to I have to tell you!"

But she was ignored. Along the way, few machina attempted to slow the trio down, but Lulu was quick to cast Thunder on each one, causing them to sizzle and malfunction wonderfully.

Finally they made it to the heart of Dock Four, where the trio looked around helplessly. "Where is Yuna?" Kimahri asked, searching right and left madly.

"Calm down! She's around here somewhere!" Brynna exclaimed. And, as if those words triggered it, a sudden wave of machina swarmed toward them, from behind a stacked set of cargo. "Oh, I'll show you to mess with ME," Brynna muttered, and before anyone could do anything about it, she leapt into the air and swung the dagger full force from left to right, effectively cutting one of the machina in half.

Lulu and Kimahri were stunned. But, still, this would not do; there were just too many to handle.

"…we're screwed," Brynna observed.

Still, the three of them readied themselves with a protective stance, ready to endure the attack of the machina, but just in time, Kimahri caught something out of the corner of his eye: a crane.

"…so?" Brynna asked.

"Use crane to attack machina!"

And then suddenly it made sense. The group could somehow jumpstart the crane to either scare off the machina, or beat them down. Brynna preferred the latter of the two. But how could they start it?

"Magic!" Kimahri cried, fiercely kicking a machina at his side. "Quick!"

Lulu understood. "Eat THIS, machina!" And witih that, she used a Thunder spell to give the crane a jumpstart. The crane moved—and crashed down on the ground, flattening the machina. It then lifted and went back to its immobile state on the side of the area.

Brynna jumped in the air and cheered. "Whoooooooooooooo! Go Lulu!"

"But, remember, Yuna has not yet—"

And as if on cue, a brunette summoner innocently tapped them on the shoulders.

"YUNAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Brynna cried, glomping the 17-year-old and crushing her lungs. "What did they _do_ to you? Are you alright?"

Lulu and Kimahri nodded in agreement, wanting to know the answer to the same question.

Yuna furrowed her brow. "_Hmm?_ What did _who_ do to me? And of _course_ I'm fine! I was _only _out using the bathroom!"

* * *

"IT'S A CLOSE GAME, FANS! With the Auroch's score at 2, and the Luca Goers score at 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999, WHO WILL WIN? Now, Botta passes it to Jassu, who goes for the goal…AND—misses terribly, while hitting Letty in the process…." Darius commentated, wincing. "Letty gets pissed off, whips out a wooden mallet, and SLAMS it in Jassu's balls! Oh, dear Yevon, that has GOT to hurt! Yeah, looks like Tidus is now so busy shouting at Letty and Jassu that he fails to notice Bickson from the other team swoop down at get a goal. Oh, this is NOT going good for the Aurochs. Pity, pity." 

Tidus turned to glare at Darius before resuming the blitzball game. "…Wakka gets the ball," Darius soon continued, "goes in for the shot, and stops to wink at a nearby cheerleader— Oh, damn, are my eyes deceiving me, or is that LULU storming into the stadium and kicking Wakka's ass? Oh dear, I can see THAT slap mark all the way from _her_e And… W.T.F.? THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND LIKE THAT!"

"Oh, but it WILL," Lulu mouthed, ripping off Wakka's limbs. "DON'T YOU EVER WINK AT ANOTHER WOMAN!"

And with that, she stormed off, apparently muttering curses under her breath. Yuna, who was now in the stands, was forced to cast a regretful healing spell on Wakka (for, what, the tenth time now?) for him to regain arms and legs.

"And the game continues!" Dar shouted. "Alright, the Aurochs are still in possession, Botta goes in for the shot, but it looks like Tidus is snatching the ball away from his own teammate just in time! Good move; we all know Botta can't kick a blitzball for magic BEANS. So anyway, Tidus has got the ball…he dashes past Doram from the other team…he tramples over Balgerda…he pauses and munches on a slice of cheese…he moves forward AND—SCOOOOORE!

"With that 'WONDERFUL'"—cough cough—"goal, the score is NOW 3 to 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999! THE AUROCH'S VICTORY IS SO CLOSE, I CAN SMELL IT!"

He took a very large sniff out of the air, attempting to be dramatic. Unfortunately he ended up choking on oxygen, and keeled over and died. But, luckily, since the main character in a story can't die so quickly and stupidly (…YET… -shifty eyes-), he revived and started back commentating.

But when he did, he noticed something was wrong. Now there really WAS a peculiar smell in the air, and the entire stadium (the blitzballers AND everyone in the stands) stopped to determine what exactly it was.

It smelled of…a bit like paste…a bit like cheese…some noodles, macaroni, chocobo, toenails, all mixed together in one huge pot of boiling stew. Unlucky for him, it turned out NOT to be a smell of any of those thingies, but, instead, it was—

"_SEYMOUR'S FAAAAART!"_ someone, who was indeed sitting beside Seymour in the stands, suddenly bellowed into the arena.

Immediately chaos occurred. The smell of the said fart had slid around the entire blitzball stadium, and before anyone knew it, the stench created a huge forest fire.

And yes, forest fires CAN occur in outside of forests!

The blitzballers tore out of the arena, forgetting all about the game, and all of them, except for Wakka and Tidus, abruptly stopped running when they saw Darius. Lulu, Yuna, Kimahri and Brynna sprinted over, too, and gaped at the scenery.

The fire was slowly spreading throughout the entire place, and there were very few people in the place who were not running around and screaming frantically. "What _happened_?" Brynna asked, noting the utter chaos.

"Seymour's fart is about to kill us all!" Darius wheezed, pinching his nose to stop him from being able to smell the odor. But this barely helped because apparently the fart was just too strong to be overthrown, and also, Darius realized with horror, the stench was beginning to generate fiends. Various monsters formed from within the area and roared, stampeding everywhere and attacking the helpless.

"What can we do?" Yuna cried.

Dar whipped out a bag of popcorn. "Watch till the world goes boom."

SLAP.

"Heyyyyyyyy!"

But needless to say, the slap had not come from Yuna, but, once again, from Lulu. (Damn, Lulu has GOT to get some other means of physical attack.) "No, we must go out there and fight the fiends off! We ARE meant to save Spira, after all!"

"Kimahri agree."

"Yes, but Darius lazy," he whined.

Brynna rolled her eyes, said, "We _have_ to fight! Come on, bucko," and began dragging Darius off to confront a fiend. The fiend looked at the bag of popcorn in Darius's hand and began munching happily on it, belching. "Here, kill it like THIS," Brynna instructed, slicing the thing in half with her blade.

Popcorn spilled out of its sliced-up stomach. Before anyone could eat any of it, however, Brynna marched off to another fiend and began to attack it as well. The rest of the group spread out along the stadium and got into their own separate offensive stances, ready to strike and kick some serious ass. _Or_ get _their_ asses kicked—whichever came first.

* * *

A shady figure in a red robe stepped inside the stadium and looked around darkly. Flames engulfing almost everything, fiends roaring, people screaming and running away from the site…. He should have known. 

The man slowly unsheathed his long, heavy sword and walked ahead. Immediately a Vouivre, a four-legged fiend, pounced and ambushed him, striking. The man shook his head pityingly before uttering, "Hmph," and slashing the fiend with his weapon. What weak monsters.

He pressed on, avoiding both fiends and flames, until he caught sight of a blue-haired male and a pruny old man hurrying past him, evidently attempting to make a quick exit. _Seymour and Mika. _Apparently the creators of this mess had found it wise to flee before anyone could catch on. He was disgusted. Moving onward, he batted his sword at an approaching fiend, causing it to soar away.

"There they are," he murmured, quickening his pace as he glimpsed a group of seven attacking the fiends and trying to extinguish a few of the fires.

Darius was the first to turn around and recognize him.

"Auron!"

_- - -_

"AURON?" everyone else echoed, whipping around at the sound of the name. They gaped as the red-cloaked man, Auron, nodded gravely.

"So you guys DO know him," Tidus concluded, eyeing them all.

"_Yeah_!" Wakka exclaimed, distracted from killing off the fiends. "Best guardian there ever was."

"AURRRROOONNNNNN!" Brynna cried, leaping into the air and flinging herself onto his leg. "You're so much hotter in person!"

Lulu was quick to attempt to pull her off of his leg. "Get—off—of—him—!" She was finally able to wrench the reluctant girl away from him. "So sorry, Sir Auron," she huffed.

Darius furrowed his brow. But if Wakka, Lulu and the others did indeed know Auron, why wasn't anyone surprised that _Tidus_ and _Darius_ knew who he was, since they were both from Zanarkand? Surely Yuna had told her other guardians of Tidus's and Darius's origin—so, shouldn't anyone be startled by the news that they were aware of Auron?

No?

"FIEND!" Brynna suddenly shouted, pointing off into the distance. A huge, colossal monster immediately stomped its way into view, and before anyone knew what was coming—a blue beam of energy issued out of its hand, which only narrowly missed Tidus by inches.

"Um, guys?" he said, scratching his head.

"Yes?"

"Should we scream and run now?"

"Yes."

Pause. Then—

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The eight of them scrambled toward the exit, planning to leave the stadium to burn and blow up—but just before they could shove open the exiting doors, Seymour ambled leisurely inside the stadium and called out to the skies—

"_Anima!"_

A vast Aeon materialized out of thin air, thrashing about angrily. Darius gaped and immediately recognized it as the huge thing he had continually lost against in FFX. The Aeon made a raging gestured with its hand, and there was a blinding flash of light—and before anyone knew it, the flames, the fiends, and the naaaasty odor—had vanished into nothing.

* * *

"That was a close one, ya?" Wakka said, wiping off a trickle of sweat from his forehead and exhaling. "We almost got out butts kicked!" The group was now seated at the bar, resting well after the sudden excitement. 

"Speak for yourself, Wakka," Tidus grumbled. Then he turned on Auron, who was leaning quietly against the wall. "This is all your fault! It's all your fault me and Dar are here, instead of where we're supposed to be, in Zanarkand. It's all your fault either of us got INTO this mess!"

No one said a thing. Yuna, Lulu, and Wakka only exchanged questioning glances. They obviously hadn't been informed of the part that Auron had played in sending both Darius and Tidus to Besaid.

Auron looked meaningfully at Tidus. "Do you feel you would be better _off_ in Zanarkand?" Tidus couldn't reply to that; he apparently knew the answer was no. "Or you?" Auron turned to Darius, who couldn't reply either.

Darius's home was back on Earth; he wouldn't have been any better in Zanarkand than he was now. But he didn't say this aloud, for no one knew this but him—not even Tidus. But as he looked more closely at Auron's meaningful expression, he got the distinct impression that Auron knew perfectly well about his prior life on Earth. What did this mean?

Darius thought back to when he first met Auron in Zanarkand. He, Auron, had called him by the name "Raishad." …_Raishad? _Darius thought. _I never told anyone in Spira about my birth name… How did Auron know? _Darius knew he would have to talk to Auron personally about this, but he couldn't now; he didn't want any of the others hearing about Earth just now. _In due time. _

"Who are you, anyway?" Tidus asked suddenly, glaring at the cloaked man, who had no reaction. "You knew my old man, didn't you? Just like Yuna did? And you know Yuna's father?"

Auron exchanged looks with Yuna before answering. "That's correct. Jecht, Braska, and I…together, we defeated Sin, a decade ago. I later went to Zanarkand to watch over you, so that eventually I could bring you to Spira."

"ME? WHY did it have to be ME?" Tidus was getting furious now. Everyone else was dead silent, very interested in the conversation. They apparently wanted to know why Auron had come to help Yuna as well.

"Mh. Jecht asked me to."

"What! But—!"

"I shall explain it all very soon. Well—as much as I can tell you, at least."

"Um—" Yuna didn't want to interrupt, but seemed to deem it necessary. "Sir—if you mind me asking, why have you come here?" Everyone else nodded, still eager to know the answer to this very question.

"I promised Braska I'd help you on this journey," Auron answered solemnly. "We should skip the talk, the cut to the chase— Yuna, I wish to become your guardian." Everyone except Darius, who saw this coming, stared at him in disbelief. "Do you accept?"

"WHAT?" Wakka burst out, narrowly avoiding a random smack from Lulu.

"You refuse?"

"Oh, no, no, no! We accept, right everyone?" Yuna said. She didn't wait for any responses, but ran up to embrace Auron in a tight hug—then realized what she was doing, and looked a bit embarrassed. "Sorry…"

Auron's eyes feel on Brynna. "Oh, and on one condition: she comes too. For good."

"FOR GOOD? YOU MEAN I CAN DO THAT? WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—!"

"_SHUTUP!" _Tidus bellowed, rubbing his sensitive ears.

"This is so cool!" Brynna exclaimed. "First we're gonna kill all the baddies—then we're gonna get Aeons—then we're gonna be famous—then we're gonna kill Sin—then we're gonna all do a victory dance, and party all night long!"

Darius blinked. "—no."

"Rrriiight…" Auron then turned to Lulu. "We should leave as soon as possible. What's our itinerary? Where are we headed?"

"First, Mi'ihen Highroad. Then, Mushroom Rock, and Djose. I'll tell you the rest from there," Lulu said. Then she considered and asked, "Shall we leave _now_?" Everyone looked at each other, and finally, Yuna nodded.

"Let's go!"

The all left the bar, but suddenly an idea popped in Darius's head. "Hey, wait, can we stop by a shop here before we go?" he asked Lulu, who shrugged and said, "Fine, which shop is it?"

He exchanged knowing glances with Tidus and Brynna, who caught on and grinned.

"Oh, nothing special, just a Hotdog Stand…."


	9. An Evil Half

I think Molly Burly Fools truly IS my biggest fan! (glomps her) Oh, and there are a lot of references to previous chapters, in this chapter.

(Note: originally, there was a huuuge one-paged author's note here...but it's been deleted! Hoorah!

* * *

_Destiny of a Not-So Final Fantasy—_Chapter Nine

"Well, here we are," Lulu sighed. "The Mi'ihen Highroad." Auron nodded.

"THIS is the Mi'ihen HIGHROAD?" Darius asked, gaping at the land in front of him, which was nothing but a massive hole filled with dead, rotting corpses, and slugs crawling up and down the sides of it.

"Eewwww," Brynna commented.

"FINALLY! DINNER!" Wakka whipped out a container of salt, dumped all the salt on the slugs, and began to dive in the hole, but Lulu grabbed him by the feet in midair.

"No, idiot, _that's _not Mi'ihen Highroad!" she exclaimed wearily, pointing to the right. "THAT is."

Darius looked to the right and frowned. The Mi'ihen Highroad was just as he had feared: just a long-ass terrain of grass, pathways, and chocobos, which eyed him warily as he passed. Of course, whenever a chocobo eyed him he made sure to eye it right back and start a staring contest, all of which ended with Lulu grumpily casting Thundara on them both.

After being healed (how many times has this happened now?) once again by Yuna, Darius sighed. "Well, let's get this over with, I suppose."

Kimahri grunted. "Kimahri think Darius need to be patient."

"Darius think Kimahri need to learn proper English," Dar returned unpleasantly.

"Brynna think Darius AND Kimahri need to shut their traps before I kick their asses!" Brynna declared.

"LULU THINK ALL OF YOU NEED TO SHUT THE HECK UP."

And, terribly afraid of what the sorcerer might do, everyone abruptly followed orders. Unfortunately however, Darius noticed a shriveled-up and wrinkly man with a long beard dragging on the floor, walk up to him and the group. _MAECHEN! _he thought, gaping at the only man in the world to be _almost_ as old as Mika.

"Do you know where the Zanarkand ruins are from?" Maechen asked, starting a conversation out of nowhere and not bothering to introduce himself to anyone.

Tidus's eyes widened dramatically. "ZANARKAND RUINS?" But then he remembered what Rikku had told him back at the Al Bhed Site—that apparently, Zanarkand was destroyed. One thousand years ago. "Oh…"

"Aren't the Zanarkand Ruins from _Zanarkand_?" Darius said.

"No, no, the Zanarkand Ruins are from the _Thunder Plains_," Wakka joked. "And—who are you, sir, anyway?"

"Maechen, right?" Brynna put in. "…or is this just Mika, reincarnated?"

"Yes, I am Maechen, a scholar." Maechen turned to Yuna, who bowed. "At your service, m'lady. I am on a journey, studying the history of our world, Spira, seeking its stories and secrets... My travels have taken me to many places, and I am troubled by what I've seen: fragile smiles on people's faces crumbling at the mere mention of Sin. They are counting on you, m'lady. Give them a reason to rejoice once more. In doing this, Spira shall be saved and nothing shall happen to anyone ever again. I have lived through many events and know things that most would not understand, m'lady. I foresee dark, evil times ahead of you all—and only one of you can stop them…and that one would be—"

_BOOM!_

Evidently the man had detonated from talking too much in one paragraph.

"That's…unfortunate," Yuna murmured, performing the Yevonite bow for him.

Auron shook his head. "No, he'll be back."

"H-how do you know?"

"Maechen isn't…what he seems to be," he replied shortly, not realizing that still, no one knew any more on the subject than they had known five minutes ago. Still, this reminded Darius of something…something important that he had to ask Auron…something Lulu had said earlier… He looked up in the sky and saw Nyllia the Moon looking down on him, frowning. He abruptly remembered that the strange moon could talk.

**Thou idiot,** it said suddenly, causing him to jump in the air. **If thou want to know more about me, Nyl, thou should just ask-eth. **

"Um…Dar?" Tidus asked. "What are you looking at?"

"Huh? Oh—erm—nothing!"

He realized that apparently not everyone could see Nyllia the Moon. Therefore, it would look strange to them if he were caught talking to her. For this reason and some more, Darius decided he would hold off on questioning Nyl until later. But he could still ask Auron!

The group was now walking down the Highroad at a somewhat leisurely pace, and Kimahri had taken up the job of killing off all of the fiends before they attacked anyone.

"Erm…Auron?" Darius said. Auron raised his eyebrows. "How did you know my birth name was Raishad? I don't think I ever told that to anyone…" He thought it was best to start off with that question.

"You're…real name is Raishad?" Brynna asked skeptically, observing Kimahri's fighting style up ahead. "I think I used to know a Raishad."

"YOU DID?"

"Yeah… He—"

Auron grunted. "…I…won't tell you too much. But—you're birth name is not Raishad _or_ Darius. Raishad is merely one of your three first names, given to you by…your mother. Of course, _you_ gave yourself the name Darius, because it is merely a nickname. But your other name…your _real_, birth name—"

"What does that have to do with my question?"

Auron frowned. "Well, if you don't want to know what I have to tell you…"

"No, no, continue!"

"Good. Well…I have known about you for a while. And _no_, I haven't been stalking anyone!" he quickly added, for it looked like Darius was about to interrupt. "Yunalesca told me a bit about you, long ago, and since then I have known you by all three of your names: Darius, Raishad, and—"

**And 'Xodan,'** the Moon, Nyllia, added.

"D-did you hear that?" Darius questioned, now feeling _more_ insane than usual (and THAT was SAYING something.)

"Hear what?"

"Um…her!" He pointed upwards, at the blue-streaked moon named Nyllia, and he suddenly sensed that everyone in the group was looking at him like he was a crazed maniac. But hey, since when _wasn't_ he a crazed maniac?

"No…" they all slowly replied in unison, taking one large step away from him.

"But—HEY! Don't step away from me!" He took a large step toward them. They took another large step away. He took another large step toward. They took another large step away. He took another—

**STOP! THOU ART PISSING ME OFF! **Nyllia screeched.

"Alright, alright," Darius said, deciding it was best to stop and try to clear everything up. "Tell me—_when_ did Yunalesca tell you about me? And…how did she know? And _why_ would it matter, anyway?"

There was definitely something fishy going on here. Darius remembered that when he first met Brynna, she had hesitated to tell them her name. Why would that be? Did she have something to hide? He also remembered that she, Brynna, had found a strange piece of parchment with the different phases of the moon on it, before Lulu hastily snatched it away and hid it. _That_ implied that _Lulu_ ALSO had something to hide.

He also remembered the conversation he had overheard Wakka and Lulu talking about, back at Besaid…

"_You shouldn't have brought him here in the first place!" _Lulu had said to Wakka. She was obviously referring to the fact that Wakka had brought Darius with him to Besaid Village._ "And what about the other one? Haven't Sir Auron's talks had any affect on you? Don't you remember what he said about the girl?"_

_WHAT girl? _Darius wondered. _And…what does she mean when she says, 'Sir Suron's talks'?_

But then it dawned on him. He, Darius, had encountered Nyllia back at Besaid, too! And, a few seconds later, Nyllia had caused him to start levitating in the air, and had caused his hair to turn…golden? And then, after all that, she had caused him to drop on the ground and faint!

And after that, both Wakka AND Tidus had claimed that there was some little girl that had helped them save Darius's life. But…what little girl? _Could it be—?_

His gaze fell on Brynna.

_Oh, something is going on here, _he thought. He meant to find out just _what_ it was.

"Oh, your birth name _matters,_ alright," Auron muttered. "I cannot tell you how Yunalesca knew about you…or when she told me about you; for some reason, I—don't remember the details."

"Awww! Auron, you're so HOT when you're mysterious!" Brynna cried.

"Not particularly," Tidus commented.

"…Sir Auron?" Yuna intervened, curious. "Could you please tell us a bit more about this? I feel like there is just so much we don't know…"

"I'm sorry. I have said all I have to say."

_No! _Dar cried internally, about to try to force Auron to tell him more. He pulled out Dyrnsyn, his long, silver sword, but Lulu said, "That isn't very wise."

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid I would kick your ass," Auron stated.

**Horribly, **Nyl added.

"WILL YOU SHUT _UP_?" Darius shouted at her, annoyed at her intrusions. (_You_ would be, too, if a moon the size of Mercury was continually interfering in your daily affairs.)

**Fine—for now, **she replied calmly, and the moon abruptly vanished.

"...who are you TALKING to!" said Tidus. He wondered if Darius was hearing voices. Which, of course, he was.

"You alright, brudda?" Wakka said.

"Oh…um…yeah. I'm fine! Don't worry about me." But out of the corner of his eye, Dar could've sworn he'd seen Brynna looking into the sky, at Nyllia. This was strange, for he had thought _he_ was the only one who could constantly perceive the strange moon. Apparently not…

Kimahri, who was up ahead, pointed his spear to the right. "Yuna!" he bellowed. "Fiends!"

Lulu gasped. "They look _much_ more powerful than any of the others we've encountered before!" She brandished a moogle.

"KILL THEMMMMMMM!" Brynna roared, snatching out her daggers.

"Everyone! Protective position! Now!" Auron called out, going into a defensive stance.

But as the "fiends" grew near, everyone realized that they were merely…a bunch of chocobo-riding idiots. Not fiends. Yuna and the rest of her guardians exhaled in relief, but Darius shrugged. "I still say we kill them."

"No, no! We come in peace!" a woman cried, shielding her face with her hands. "We are the Djose Chocobo Knights, charged to guard the Highroad! Lady Summoner and her guardians, I presume?"

Yuna nodded. "Yes, I am Yuna."

The woman smiled and nodded kindly. "And I am Lucil, the captain of these bitches." She gestured to the other two Chocobo Knights behind her, who scowled.

"But we're not bitches!" the female one argued. "Oh, and I'm Elma," she decided to add to Yuna.

"Yeah! We're BASTARDS! Bitches are _female_; bastards are _male_," the male one said.

"BUT I _AM_ FEMALE, CLASKO!" Elma screamed, apparently not in a good mood. "And you're just a _Junior_ Chocobo Knight! You do not have the authority to say such things!"

"You're right… I'm such a loser…I have no life…" Clasko sighed.

"Exactly," Lucil agreed. She turned back to Yuna and her guardians. "Anyway, we've come to warn you all about a large fiend strolling around the area, with a taste for chocobos…and blonde people. Do take care, Summoner Yuna, if you are to rent any chocobos…or blonde people."

"Thank you. We will all be careful."

Lucil turned as if to leave, then hesitated. "Oh yeah, and this random woman wanted to have a word with you." She gestured, and suddenly a woman clothed in plenty of different shades of green, with her hair held up in two two buns on the side of her head, walked forward. "We hope to encounter you again sometime soon!" Lucil said, and she and her followers trotted off on their chocobos.

"Hello," Yuna greeted, waving at the woman who had appeared, and she performed yet another Yevonite bow. The woman did the same.

"I am Belgemine, a summoner like you. Tell me, how are your Aeons coming along?"

"Hm? What do you mean? My Aeons are doing fine, I suppose, but—"

"Let me test them."

"Let you—?"

"Let me test them," Belgemine repeated patiently.

Yuna looked at all of her guardians, who smiled and urged her to confront this challenge. "If I cannot defeat your Aeons, I shall reward your nicely. However, if I do, I shall not. Are you ready?"

"Well, no, not particularly—"

"Great! And the challenge begins."

_- - -_

"GO YUUNNNAAAAAAAAAAA!" Darius cheered, pumping his fist in the air. The other guardians were all on the side of the road, jumping up and down and cheering her on as well. Darius was sure Yuna would win, for she was much less unsexy than Belgemine, whose nose was off-center. Not that there was anything WRONG with that, really.

Belgemine immediately summoned her own version of Ifrit, who roared and immediately took a piss. Yuna apparently did not think it was wise to ALSO summon Ifrit, so, instead, she summoned Valefor, who also immediately took a piss.

When the creatures were all good and ready, and had cleaned up their messes appropriately (interestingly, all of the yellow liquid had ended up on Lulu's dress…), the battle actually started.

"_Valefor! Energy Ray!"_ Yuna called out.

Valefor opened its mouth, and a large ball of energy materialized inside of it. Suddenly a beam of energy protruded from it and made contact with the ground beneath Ifrit. The ground exploded. A cloud of smoke emerged and shrouded Ifrit from sight.

"I'll bet you three gil Yuna wins," Darius whispered to Tidus, who smirked.

"Then I'll bet you three gil _Belgemine_ wins."

They shook hands, and Darius smirked, already considering himself three gil richer…although he technically still wouldn't have enough gil to even rent a dead, pale, cold green-colored chocobo.

The cloud of smoke cleared up, and Ifrit emerged, unhurt. Ifrit tilted its head to the side and blinked. Then it shrugged and strolled over to Valefor, jumped in the air, and—flicked it.

Valefor keeled over and died.

"**KNOCK OUT!" **the narrator boomed, and the huge, bold initials, "K.O.," appeared in the middle of the screen.

Auron, pissed off at them, leaped into the air and sliced the initials into bits. Darius picked up the initial's pieces and flung them at the narrator, who fled.

"Gee! You really _do_ suck at this!" Belgemine giggled, and flew off into the distance.

"…you owe me three gil," Tidus murmured.

"Well, at least we can continue through this place now," Yuna sighed. "Come, everyone, let us finish traveling through the Mi'ihen Highroad." Darius and the others all strolled ahead leisurely, and interestingly, they didn't encounter ONE fiend. Obviously the Chocobo Eater had scared all of them away, quite sexily indeed.

But after walking, say, for one minute or so, Darius noticed a chocobo on the side of the road doing nothing, saying nothing, and, yes, sexing nothing (thank god).

"CHOCO!" he shouted at it, dashing over to glomp it. Unfortunately, however, the chocobo was quite creeped out, and so it decided to cast a particularly powerful Meteor spell on him, resulting in Darius's untimely death.

But once again, since this IS a fanfiction, the main character STILL can't die yet. (Everyone: "DAMN!") So, somehow, the soul of Darius jumped into a plot-hole and everything went back to normal, the way it was before he saw "Choco."

"Idiot," everyone murmured in unison, shaking their heads with much pity.

But, since they still had a LOOOOOOOOOOONG ways to go before they actually reached the end of the Mi'ihen Highroad (because, instead of spending valuable time traveling, they had spent the entire chapter having boring conversations and boring battles with Belgemine, thus making the author of this story look bad), they decided to use the same Plot-Hole to travel to the end of the Highroad.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Brynna cheered, while leaping into the plot-hole.

"This better not make me throw up…" Tidus muttered, but nevertheless warily stepped into the thing. Darius shrugged and sniffed the plot-hole to make sure it wasn't a trap, and then hopped inside.

And the others had a one-hour party, happy to have gotten rid of Darius, Brynna, and Tidus so easily. Unfortunately for them, however, Choco the Chocobo got pissed off and kicked their asses into the plot-hole anyway.

* * *

The sun was setting. Yuna was sitting on the edge of a cliff by the Rin's Travel Agency Slash Motel, which was a travel agency/motel. Everyone but Tidus (and obviously Yuna) was inside, so he decided to have a talk with her while he could. He sauntered up to her and said, "Hey there!" 

Yuna turned around and screamed, and hid something in her in her bra, where she doubted Tidus would look. Of course, Tidus, being a pervert, got all the details of the object she was hiding, and learned that it was a sphere of some sort.

"IT'S NOTHING! NOTHING, ALRIGHT?" Yuna screamed frantically, literally ripping out her hair.

Tidus stared in horror at the newly bald Yuna. He hastily took out a container of Super-Super-Super-Super-Super-Super Glue to paste the hair back on.

"Ah, much better…" he moaned, plopping down next to her.

Yuna patted her hair and smiled, returning her gaze to the sun. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Not particularly—er, I mean YEAH!" he agreed, nodding fiercely. "…wait, what are we talking about?"

"…**-**.**-;**" Yuna replied.

(And YES, it IS possible to have an internet face in dialogue!)

"Rrrrrrright… Listen, I was wondering, um…what is 'the calm'?" Tidus said. He had heard the term spoken before, but had never grasped what it was; 'calm' was an adjective, not a noun!

"Oh, the Calm is a time of peace," she said, not removing her gaze from the sun. (Of course, one would wonder how Yuna was able to stare at the sun without it frying her eyes into sunny-side-up eggs, but then again, one would ALSO wonder how it is possible to do a whole bunch of OTHER things in this story as well.) "The Calm comes after a summoner defeats Sin, and lasts until Sin reappears."

"Oh. But then—what do people DO during the Calm that makes it so special?"

Yuna _would_ have said, " 'The Nasty' of course! People can finally get their freak on in bed without worrying about Sin accidentally stepping on them in the middle of an orgasm," but it would have been _way_ OOC, and besides that, extremely disgusting.

So instead, she merely tilted her head to the side like a ditz.

"And…if Sin just keeps getting reborn…" Tidus continued, "then, what's the—"

She stopped tilting her head and frowned gravely. "Don't say it's not worth it, Ti … Because it is. Even for a little while…people can sleep in their beds without being afraid. That kind of time is worth anything. Don't say it isn't worth it."

Tidus knew he would remember those wise words for the rest of his life. "Alright."

* * *

"You sure we aren't too rushed to stay in this hotel, ya?" Wakka asked Auron, inside the Rin's Travel Agency Slash Motel. "I mean, we shouldn't keep going—?" 

"No, Wakka!" Lulu snapped. "If Sir Auron deems it wise to spend the night here, we'll all spend the night here! Please, _please_ don't be so stubborn…" She put a hand to her face and shook her head helplessly.

"Alright, alright! Don't get your panties in a bunch!"

Lulu glared at him. Wakka was quick to dash into his room and lock the door. Lulu, satisfied, ambled into the corridor and took the room across from his, not bothering to lock her _own_ door.

"Sir Auron, I would like to thank you again for joining us on our pilgrimage," Yuna said.

"I need no thanks. I did it because…I made a promise to your father. And 'it was the right thing to do,' as Jecht would have said." Auron laughed. "Good night."

After saying all of the appropriate goodbyes, everyone ended up walking down the hallway to their own separate rooms. Darius, however, stopped when he noticed a sign on the wall that had all of the motel's current occupants written on it.

On the sign were Darius's name, Tidus's name, Yuna's name, Brynna's, Lulu's, Wakka's, and Auron's…and, interestingly, the sign also named all of the occupations of the occupants: Beside the names was the words "a guardian of Summoner Yuna."

Darius, bored, decided to continue to look at the sign for no apparent reason. Apparently there was one other occupant of this motel, who he had not heard of before:

"Seer Jade."

_A Seer? Whose name is Jade? Heh. _He shrugged and walked into his "room," which was really nothing but a teeny one-room thing with one teeny bed. He leaped on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, which, nastily, was crawling (literally) with cockroaches and ants.

He kicked them off the ceiling and chucked them out the nonexistent window, and got back in the bed, ready to fall asleep.

But he couldn't. There were too many questions looming in his mind. Questions about what Auron had told him earlier… _Why didn't I ask Nyl?_ He had been so stupid. Who _cared_ if everyone thought he was crazy? He still should've asked Nyllia about everything…surely, she would know. But NO, he had told her to go away. _Great_.

Well, he thought, he would have to find out about the mysteriousness of everything when the time was right. Knowing this, he pulled the covers over himself and closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep.

But sleep never came.

There was a voice in his head screaming at him: _What do you mean, 'When the time is right'? The 'time' is NOW! _

_But…how can I find out right _now?

The voice sighed irritably. _Don't you remember? 'Seer Jade'! If she's truly a Seer, she will surely know what is going on. And she'd foresee you coming to ask her, so she wouldn't be surprised when you woke her up in the middle of the morning. GO._

That was true… But…_should_ he? Was it _right_? He _did_ have morals, AND a conscience, you know.

_Idiot! I AM your conscience! _the voice bellowed angrily. _Get the HELL over to Jade's room, NOW!_

But something told him that it really wasn't the right time to find out about everything. Something told him that if he learned about all of the things going on around him, he would be much worse off. Something told him—

_Who CARES what 'something told you'? If you won't do it yourself, _I'll_ have to take over. _

And suddenly, his sword Dyrnsyn began to glow with a powerful intensity, lighting up the room—and he felt an angry, vengeful presence enter his mind and body. He could no longer control his actions or his words—it was like he was being controlled…by some dark presence deep within him.

"I'll find out what I want to know," the dark presence said forced him to say. He couldn't control anything now—it was as if he was watching himself from a 3rd person point of view, and couldn't do anything about what he was being forced to do and say. "Or else, I'll just have to burn down this place. DYRNSYN! COME!"

The sword flew magically to his hand. The dark presence forced him to point his sword at the door—and immediately, the door was engulfed in flame. He made a gesture with his hand, and the flame abated, leaving an open entrance to the hallway.

_STOP! STOP! _he screamed mentally at himself. But he knew it wouldn't do a thing.

"I don't _think_ so," the dark presence said cruelly. "I—no, _we_—will find out what we want to know—or this whole _building_ will face my wrath…one life at a time."

----------------------------------

"It begins _now_," Yevon laughed, from far, far away, looking down at Darius as he magically burned down the door with Dyrnsyn. "_The Son _has now finally, truly, been born."

* * *

_-S_


	10. The Son and, yes, a Prophecy

Thank you for the most amazing reviews! (glomps everyone) I might as well tell you straight out that this chapter is A.) short, B.) not as funny, C.) uneventful, D.) muy sexy, and W.) the chapter we've all been waiting for.

Well, for me, at least. n.n;;; Please review!

* * *

_Destiny of a Not-So Final Fantasy_

Chapter 10: "The Son" and, yes, a Prophecy

_Will you STOP? It's not THAT important, you fugly piece of crap, _Dar shouted internally at himself, trying to get whoever was controlling him to listen.

"You have no idea how important it is," the evil presence murmured. "And by calling ME fugly, you're just insulting yourself."

_Then how important IS it?_

"Important enough to kill for. Literally." And with that, he burst into the hallway.

_Who ARE you!_

"Who am I?" he said darkly. "Who am _I? _Why, I am you! Just—from another part of your soul. They call me—Xodan."

XODAN? Wasn't that the name Nyllia had told him about? Who—?

But Darius stopped himself; he was only burdening himself with even _more_ questions. Why, in Yevon's name, did he have to be sent to Spira in the first place? Yeah, it was nice and all that good stuff, but—

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" Xodan cried. "I'M TRYING TO ADVANCE THE PLOTLINE!"

_SO AM I! _he shouted back, which was all he could do, for he could no longer control his body. Wow. Talk about molestation… But then he realized that there was nothing he could do to stop this Xodan fool, so he thought, _If you're not going to listen to me, could you at LEAST bring someone WITH you to Seer Jade's room? _

Sorry, but he did NOT want to be stuck in a room with a body-controlling (no, not _mind_-controlling) murderer.

"If it will shut you the #$!& up, then YES."

And Xodan stomped up to Brynna's room, and held Dyrnsyn up, using some sort of powerful magic that Darius couldn't understand to cause the door to Brynna's room to dematerialize.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO! DON'T—RAPE—ME—!" Brynna saw him immediately and picked up a nearby baseball bat (why would she have a baseball bat, if baseball wasn't played in Spira?) to whack Xodan on the side of the head.

Unfortunately the baseball bat also dematerialized. "Darius! What are you doing!" Brynna cried.

And then Darius suddenly realized that he still had the physical appearance of…well…himself, even though Xodan was controlling him. It all made sense now! Okay, well, not really. But that's getting off topic.

Apparently it was impossible for anyone to tell Darius apart from Xodan, so they had no way of knowing that it wasn't really Darius.

"I am not Darius, you fool," Xodan spat, and dragged the little girl ("I am not…a little…GIRL!" Brynna cried) out of the room. "Don't worry, you won't be hurt. _Yet_," Xodan "assured" her.

"Oh, THAT'S comforting," she muttered, kicking her legs defiantly. "Get OFF!"

"No." Xodan then strode to Tidus's room and kicked the door down. Tidus awoke with a stir. "Get up, we're going somewhere."

"Wh-wha?"

"Oh, just get your lazy _ass_ over here before I dematerialize THAT too."

Xodan, against Darius's wishes (and Tidus's), flung a chair at Tidus, which hit him in the chest. "Now—are you coming or not?"

"I—uh—"

"Just do it," Brynna sighed, giving up. "Darius has gone off the deep end."

"I AM NOT DARIUS!" he bellowed. And with no further word, he forced Tidus and Brynna to walk with him to the room of "Seer Jade." Who, apparently, was a seer, and whose name was Jade. And she had a room.

He kicked the door down, and there, standing calmly in the middle of a large, spacious, and dimly lit room, was a woman with long, white hair waiting for them. "Come in," she invited. She snapped her fingers, and the door behind them closed. "I foresaw you coming. Yes, you want some answers—and I am ready to give them to you. I am Jade."

* * *

Kimahri awoke with a stir.

What were all those noises he had heard? They weren't moans and groans, so, to his disappointment, it obviously was not the sound of anyone getting it on… but something was definitely happening. He pricked his cat-like ears and listened:

"I don't _wanna_ go in there! It's…creepy…" he heard Brynna declare defiantly.

"Yeah. And I think Seer Jade just winked at me…ugh…" Tidus shuddered.

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET IN THERE," he heard Darius say, "BEFORE I KICK BOTH OF YOUR ASSES UP AND _DOWN_ THE HIGHROAD!"

"Awwww, but—"

KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK.

Oh, _no_! Kimahri bolted upwards. What were those three DOING? They were _probably_ trying to get up in the middle of the night and abandon everyone. He KNEW he shouldn't have trusted those bastards!

How DARE they try to abandon Yuna and the rest of her guardians without saying anything! Oh HELL no. Kimahri would have to punish them terribly, with his bare claws. _No one_ would _ever_ DARE defy Yuna again, and he'd make sure of it…by gobbling them up.

He brandished his claws. "Kimahri going to have very good feast tonight," he said maliciously, grabbing his fork and knife. But then he realized he was too lazy to follow Darius, Tidus, and Brynna, so instead he skipped off and went frolicking in the meadows.

But unfortunately, there WERE no meadows, so he decided to go back to his original plan to reveal Darius, Tidus, and Brynna for the two-faced betrayers they were.

He shrugged and silently yet swiftly exited his room and followed Dar, Ti, and Brynna.

And they were—WHAT? What was THAT place?

He looked into the room in which the three betrayers were standing, and gaped. Apparently they WEREN'T abandoning anyone—they were just gathering together for a midnight snack consisting of milk and cookies.

But then he looked closer, and realized they weren't doing _that_ either! Well, just what _were_ these fools doing? Kimahri decided to find out. He peered even _closer_ into the room and managed to find out that they were…visiting some woman named "The Seer Jade."

Well, he'd come this far, he might as well continue to listen in on the conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was eavesdropping on them, but, really, who CARED? He was sure Yuna wouldn't whip him _too_ bad when she found out that he'd invaded her guardians' privacy.

So, because he was nosy and careless, Kimahri stood beside the entrance to the room and listened in on the conversation that Darius, Tidus, and Brynna were having with Seer Jade.

* * *

"It took you three long enough," Jade commented.

_Don't do this… _Darius whined, but Xodan would not listen. "Well? Are you going to tell us what we want to know or not? I'm not sitting here all day, and I DO have things to see and people to do."

"You mean '_things_ to do and _people_ to see,' " Brynna corrected.

"No, I mean '_things _to see and_ people _to do.' "

"…you DO know how disgusting that is, don't you?" Tidus said.

Jade frowned and shook her head calmly. "Please, be patient, Xodan," she said patiently. _Yeah, XODAN, be PATIENT! _Darius mentally agreed, for it was _still_ all he could do. He planned to shank Xodan when he had the chance, but for certain reasons, couldn't right now.

But Darius wasn't surprised when Tidus and Brynna stared at Jade in disbelief. "How do YOU know his birth name?" they shouted in unison, becoming very skeptical of the woman.

"…I'm a Seer, you fools," she snorted, annoyed. "I see the future, and past, and the present. I know everything."

"…uh…I knew that. But—why'd you bring _us_ _here_, Dar?" Tidus asked.

"Because he wants answers as to all of the mysteriousness that's been going on lately." Jade rolled her eyes. "And I suppose I should start off by telling you two"—she nodded at Tidus and Brynna—"that the young man standing next to you is not truly Darius."

"Wait…it's not?" Tidus frowned, confused. "Then who _is_ that imposter? 'Cause he looks just like him…"

"No, he is not. He is Xodan, one of the three different minds of _The Son._"

"…the sun? And Xodan isn't a _mind_, it's only another one of Darius's names!" Brynna exclaimed.

"YEAH!" Tidus agreed.

"No. And…before I get started on _The Son_, I must tell you, Tidus, something about your own situation."

"…Me?"

"That's what I said, is it not?" She cleared her throat. "Well…let's just skip to the point; there isn't time to beat around the bushes: Sin is your father, Tidus."

"…" Tidus merely stared.

"I'm afraid so. One of Lady Yuna's guardians, Auron, witnessed him becoming the new Sin." Tidus said nothing; apparently he didn't believe her. "What, have you never wondered why your father never returned to Zanarkand after Braska's pilgrimage was over?"

Tidus looked at the ground. _H-how can this be…? _"Well, I have, but— Well, Yuna _told_ me that a man with the name Jecht had accompanied her father with his pilgrimage, but I don't think—"

Xodan and Brynna kept quiet, merely watching Tidus's anguish as he realized that what he was being told was true. However, Brynna looked like she felt sympathy for him, while Xodan, instead, just sat there and smirked.

"Yes, Tidus," Jade said. "Just like you, your father was sent to Spira via Sin…and he did indeed accompany Braska until the end of the pilgrimage, at which time he was forced to become the new Sin. It is time you realize this."

Tidus buried his face in his hands and did not respond.

_Hmmmm… _Darius took a closer look at Brynna, who, interestingly, did not seem to look surprised at this new knowledge. _Strange…_ he thought. _Shouldn't her eyes be bulging, or shouldn't her jaw have dropped or something?_

But, however rude it might have been, Brynna moved right on to the next topic, as if this was nothing.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know about Tidus's dad now…but what about Xodan, and the sun?" she asked.

Tidus picked his head up to glare at her angrily.

"Yes, woman," Xodan agreed darkly and threateningly. "_Tell_ us about the sun. _And _what you knowaboutme, Xodan."

"You mean '_The Son_'," Jade corrected. "And unfortunately, you—'Xodan,'—are both a mind _and_ another one of Darius's names, as you know. You see, long ago, a man named Yevon was the most powerful summoner of his time. As you know, a 'summoner' is a person with the ability to control pyreflies, and who is therefore able to have power over aeons, since such beings are _made_ of pyreflies. And actually, _all_ substances on the planet of Spira are technically made of pyreflies."

"Oh, get to the point," Xodan snapped irritably, not in the mood for anything.

"Patience, evil one. I'm getting to it." She cleared her throat and continued. "Anywho… Yevon, as the most powerful summoner in all of Spira, had to punish the Spirans for their 'sins,' and so…he gathered pyreflies around him with a powerful gravity spell and created Sin."

"But we KNEW _that_," Brynna said, rolling her eyes.

"Yes. But only _very_ few people know that after creating Sin, Yevon created _another_ creature as well."

_He did? _Darius thought. That_ wasn't in Final Fantasy X!_

"Yes, it is true. _Just_ _incase_ a particularly strong-willed summoner ever defeated Sin for good, Yevon wanted to have a plan to fall back on. So he used his summoning powers to create a human with the ability to magically produce pyreflies."

"Hold it." Xodan sent a death glare at the Seer, who blinked calmly. "What would THAT do? If he was the most powerful summoner, wouldn't he be able to produce pyreflies _himself_?"

"No. Yevon can only CONTROL pyreflies, but he can't PRODUCE them. Therefore, he created a being who CAN. Understand?" she replied. "He named this being—'_The Son._' "

"Why would he name him _that_?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"But I thought you knew EVERYTHING!" Tidus said.

"Will you let me finish! Good GOD. Anyway... Since _The Son_ is the only creature in the universe with the power to actually _create_ pyreflies, he theoretically has the power to create _another_ Sin."

No one said anything.

"Yes, it WOULD be devastating," Jade continued, creepily reading everyone's minds. "But it would also be necessary for Yevon. You see, although Yevon is extremely ugly and fat and bald, he is also rather clever. You see, he knew that there was a possibility that someone might be able to defeat Sin forever, so, by creating _The Son, _he made sure that another Sin would be born if the first one was killed.

"So, after creating _The Son_, Yevon sealed away its powers for a long period of time. He knew that when the time came, _The Son's _powers would be reawakened, and the second Sin would be ready to be born. However, the second Sin would not be needed until the first Sin's life was threatened by a summoner.

"And now—the second Sin is almost ready to be born. You see, the original Sin's life has already _been_ threatened by a summoner—who goes by the name of Yuna."

There was a moment of utter shock and silence.

Then—everyone broke out into hysterical laughs.

"HA! _TWO_ SINS! AAAAAAAHAHA! NICE ONE!" Tidus bawled, rolling on the floor uncontrollably.

"YUNA, BEING A THREAT! AAAAAAHAHAA! _HILARIOUS_!" Brynna chuckled, banging her fists on the floor.

_YEVON, BEING CLEVER! AAAAAAAHAHAHA! WHAT A JOKER! _Darius shouted internally, hysterically laughing his ass off.

The Seer Jade, who had seen this coming, rolled her eyes.

"…it wasn't a joke."

They all stopped laughing immediately, and gawked at her in dismay. "But if it's not a joke, then…" Brynna started.

Jade nodded. "Spira is damned. You see, once the first Sin dies, the _new_ Sin will be ready to be born. And when the _new_ Sin is ready to be born, Yevon will fully take over the body of _The Son_…and create it."

"But…what does that have to do with 'Xodan'?" Tidus asked.

_And what does it have to do with Nyl? _Darius added.

"Well…" the Seer sighed. "You see, _The Son _is destined to have three minds and three personalities. One of them—is insane and weird. The second one is pissed off, powerful, and vengeful. And the last one will only fully manifest once Yevon has taken over his body, and you _never_ want to meet it." She paused. "Are you starting to get what I'm trying to tell you?"

"Not really, no. I still don't get what it has to do with Xodan, Darius, us, or Yuna," Tidus declared.

Darius growled. _OR NYL! _

"Don't you understand?" She took a deep breath, and decided to take on another approach. "It has to do with Summoner Yuna because if Yuna is truly the one destined to defeat Sin, it will be useless because ANOTHER Sin will be born anyway! The pilgrimage would have been for nothing, and there would _be_ no Calm.

"It has to do with _you_, Tidus and Brynna, because all of the effort you will have put in would have been in vain, and you will not have the energy to go through another pilgrimage to defeat Sin AGAIN. Especially since Yevon will only create yet another Son or Daughter once the second Sin is born, so that Sin will truly never die.

"And it has to do with Xodan and Darius because both Xodan AND Darius are the _same!_ The were created from the same pyreflies; they share the same body; they are the same _person_, just with different minds and personalities…and childhoods. PLEASE tell me you are starting to understand what I'm trying to hint to you!"

"…uhhh… I don't get it…" Tidus shrugged and then said, "Are you trying to tell me that…long ago, Yevon created some human with the ability to control HUGE amounts of pyreflies, JUST so that one day that human would be forced to create a new Sin?"

"Yes."

"_So_? What does that have to do with XODAN?"

"DON'T YOU GET IT_? XODAN IS_ _'THE SON!' _"

Brynna's eyes grew wide. "_But that means he's—!_"

Jade nodded. "Destined to create—a_nd become_—a new, more powerful, more _devastating_ Sin," she finished gravely. "_That_ is the prophecy.

_Oh…shit…_ Darius thought, and he mentally fainted.

_- - -_

"…You lie." Xodan stood up from his spot angrily, and Dyrnsyn began to glow again. "If I am _The Son_, then that means Darius is ALSO _The Son_—and that is impossible, for Darius has lived for 14 years on the planet Earth. If he was _The Son_, he would have been in _Spira_ all his life, protected by Yevon. TELL ME THE TRUTH."

"I _have_! Everything I have said is true! Sin will—!"

"NO! YOU'RE LYING!" Dyrnsyn was now glowing with a blinding light. "You've had your chance, and you blew it. If I can't get correct information, _no one will_."

Immediately a blue beam of energy shot out of Dyrnsyn and engulfed the entire motel. Everyone in the room knew Xodan was about to blow the place up.

* * *

_No..no…no…no…NO. KIMAHRI SHOULD NOT HAVE LISTENED! _

But the truth of the matter was Kimahri _had_ listened. And now he knew more about Darius than a poor hornless Ronso needed to know—if, indeed, the Seer had told the truth.

But had she? How could ANY of what she had said be true?

Why would Yevon ever want to create a being with great power, and call him _The Son_? And, more importantly, how in the HELL could that being be Darius—or even Darius's other mind, Xodan? _That_ would insinuate that Darius was meant to bring on another Sin once Yuna completed her pilgrimage.

And how could _that_ be true?

No, of COURSE she had lied! What a bitznotch! Kimahri would have to kick her ass (literally, _kick_ her ass) as soon as possible.

So he did. He stormed into the room, and—

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

She was booted to the planet of Ur- Anus, where she immediately died of shock and horror.

Somehow, however, no one noticed that Kimahri had barged into the room, so he quickly dashed back out and dove into Auron's separate room. Auron was not asleep, but was standing up, apparently aware that something horrible was in the making. "What is happening?" he asked briskly, grabbing his sword in the corner of the room.

"Kimahri think Xodan about to blow up motel!" he cried, pointing toward the room in which Xodan was utilizing Dyrnsyn to engulf the entire place in a strange blue beam.

"_SHIT._"

Apparently Auron had known that Xodan was another mind of Darius, or else Auron wouldn't have understood who Xodan was. And Auron also evidently knew the importance of Xodan, or he wouldn't have responded the way he did.

Auron burst out of his room, dragging his hefty, broad sword behind him and skidded to a stop when he came across the room in which Xodan, Tidus, and Brynna were standing. _I _knew_ I shouldn't have left Darius by himself, _he thought, mentally smacking himself for his stupidity. _Now look what he's done! He's let Xodan take control of his body—again. Both Yevon and Yunalesca will pay for this._

"Au- Auron!" Brynna stuttered, staring at him, but she was too stunned by what she had previously learned about Xodan and Darius to say much else. "You- You've come to st-stop Xodan from—"

But it was all too much for her, apparently. She knew Xodan was about to destroy the place, thus killing her and everyone else inside the motel, but was too stunned to do anything about it. All of the information she had just learned had apparently been too much for her to handle, even if it might NOT be true—

So she fainted, and dropped to the floor, unconscious.

And evidently Xodan had performed a Stop spell on Tidus to stop him from doing anything, so Tidus could only just stand there, frozen, and watch the scene in dismay. But Auron was free to stop Xodan from destroying a THING.

Dyrnsyn, which was still in Xodan's hand, began to shine even brighter, until it illuminated the entire motel with a blinding white light. Slowly everyone else sleeping in the motel began to stir, awakened by the light.

"_HOL—!_" Xodan cried out, but before he could finish performing the Holy magic, Auron lifted his sword into the air, turned it on its flat side, and—

_WHAAACK._

Xodan stumbled and fell to the ground.

But it was too late. Auron knew that by now Darius was back in control of his own body, but even though Auron had managed to whack Xodan unconscious before he could complete the Holy spell, he knew the spell was still in effect: The place was about to blow up.

Auron grabbed the bodies of Darius and Brynna (who were both unconscious) and threw them over his shoulder, sprinting into the hallway. He began to kick open the doors of all of Yuna's guardians—and Yuna—to get everyone's attention. "EVERYONE, _OUT!_ WE MUST LEAVE!_ ASK NO QUESTIONS!_" he boomed.

"But, Sir Auron—" Wakka started, yawning.

"_NOW!_ GET—THE HELL—OUT!"

Yuna, Lulu, Wakka, and Kimahri all knew that Auron would not tell them to do something without good reason, so they all jumped over each other to reach the exit, with Auron following close behind. "QUICK! MOVE FASTER, THERE'S NO TIME!" Auron bellowed.

Yuna suddenly stopped. "Oh, poopie! I just realized—I forgot my slippers in my room! I'll be right back."

"NO! FORGET THE DAMN SLIPPERS!"

"But they have cute little chocobos on them…"

_Oh hell no._ Auron, exasperated, picked Yuna up by the hair and flung her reluctant ass outside, where she landed perfectly on two feet. In a matter of seconds Auron—along with Lulu, Wakka, Kimahri, an unconscious Darius, and an unconscious Brynna—was standing beside Yuna, watching the motel participate in a massive explosion. Bits of wood and flames went flying everywhere, and before anyone knew it, the Rin's Travel Agency Slash Motel was nothing more than a vast explosion of beds, chairs, and chocobo slippers.

"Good. We're all safe," Auron muttered, exhausted.

"But…I can't help thinking we forgot someone…" Lulu mused.

---------------------------

Tidus screamed and shouted with horror as his atoms and particles went flying all over the place, participating in the colossal explosion.

"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

"Ah well," Lulu then shrugged. "It's probably nothing."

She then looked down, where Darius was beginning to stir.

"DAR! YOU'RE ALRIGHT!" everyone cried—except Lulu, who merely said "Damn it!" and folded her arms.

He nodded wearily and tried to stand up, thinking about everything that had just happened. Everything that Jade had said—it _had_ to be a lie. It just _had_ to be. But still, even through his doubt, there was something inside of him that made him wonder:

_Could it be true?_

* * *

A/N- I have GOT to stop blowing all of my characters up. Well at least you got a chapter that _greatly _advanced the plot. n.n;;;

Next Chapter- The group (only half of which knows about Xodian and Darius's prophecy) continues the pilgrimage, and only more devastation occurs. (Oh, AND we meet Seymour again. Yeah, I know. Sorry.) Please review!

_-S_


	11. Le Mi'ihen Operation

Thanks for the nice reviews! There is an extremely _large_ amount of Seymour-bashing in this chapter, I'm afraid, so if you're a Seymour fan...embrace yourself. Seriously. You're going to need to. And um...yeah. (grins) I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Oh, and Sydon gets three invisible Gil, for being my 100th reviewer!

I think this is one of my favorite chapters so far. (grins more) Enjoy, and please review, because I'm going to need 10 more reviews if you want me to update again.

...kidding.

* * *

After much mulling, musing, brooding, wondering, ruminating, cogitating, deliberating, reflecting, considering, pondering, thinking, contemplating— 

"GET TO THE POINT!"

Well _fine_ then! -glares- I was merely making things more dramatic. Hmph. Now…starting over.

After much…_pondering_… (and thinking), Darius and Brynna decided not to tell ANYONE about any of the unsexiness with Jade and Xodian that they had just been through, because it would have threatened to tear the group apart.

But mostly because they were too lazy.

"Besides," Darius mumbled to himself, "that Seer was probably lying about _The Son_ anyway, or _my_ name isn't…Bob."

"But your name ISN'T Bob," Brynna reminded him.

But still, even though the Seer might have been lying about _The Son_, she still couldn't have been lying about Xodan being another part of Darius's mind. Therefore, Darius knew he would have to find some way to stop Xodan from taking over his body again.

But for now, he was too lazy to do THAT too. He would have to think more about the situation later.

So he merely kept walking with the group in silence, moving steadily away from Rin's Travel Agency Slash Motel and _toward_ Mushroom Rock, and hoping Xodan didn't turn up again.

And, although they didn't know it, Kimahri, who had eavesdropped on Darius's conversation with Seer Jade last night, decided not to let _anyone_ know about what he'd learned; Darius would have to tell Yuna and the rest of the group about _The Son_ when he was ready.

Auron, however, was acting all weird. Perhaps I say this because, oh I dunno…, there was smoke fuming out of his ears? Yes, SMOKE fuming out of his ears. As in, like a kettle?

"_I'll_ be talking the lead from now on," Auron declared between clenched teeth, and shoved past everyone to lead the way to Mushroom Rock Road.

"B-but sir Auron!" Yuna shrieked uncomfortably. "_Kimahri_ was leading us! I don't know if you should take over—"

"Yuna right," Kimahri agreed.

Darius narrowed his eyes. "You mean Yuna IS right. Use good grammar, damn it!"

"THIS IS BESIDE THE POINT. If Sir Auron would like to take the lead from now on, we shall gladly let him!" Lulu folded her arms irritably. "We do not need to know his thoughts; let him do what he wants!"

"_Thank_ you," Auron spat crossly, but he didn't sound grateful at all.

"…what's wrong with _him_?" Darius whispered, leaning over to Brynna.

"Who _CARES_! He's hot!"

Auron abruptly broke into a fit of coughs after hearing this comment. He purposely began walking waaaaay, WAAAAAAAY ahead of the group, to stay as far away from Brynna as was humanly possible.

"WAIT! COME BAAAACK!"

She went scrambling ahead and before you could say "What the hell…", she and Auron were engaged in a battle of Let's-Chase-Auron-Up-And-Down-The-Highroad-Frantically-And-Annoyingly. Before long, they were both out of sight and everyone sighed with relief.

"Uh, Lu?" Wakka said, scratching the back of his neck uneasily.

"Yeeeees?"

"Uh…how far are we from Mushroom Rock Road?"

"It's just up ahead."

"…HEY, it IS!" Darius said, pointing ahead, where a group of people were standing anxiously in a circle. "Let's go!"

And so they all pranced over there, while Dora The Explorer music played cheerily in the background. However, when Swiper the Fox popped out of nowhere and tried to steal all of their Gil and they all had to scream "_SWIPER NO SWIPING!_" to get him to go away, things were going too far. The background music was suddenly cut off, and they decided to proceed like normal people.

"That stupid fox always pisses me off…" Tidus declared.

"WOAH! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?" Darius shouted, startled, for Tidus had literally exploded in the last chapter. Remember? "I thought you blew up!"

Yuna stared at the blonde guardian. "Um…wait! We left you in the motel, didn't we? Oh, I'm so sorry! We forgot!" She hopped on top of Tidus in an attempt to hug him, but it appeared to be much nastier than that, so she was forced to get off. The other guardians merely stared at Tidus incredulously.

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever," Tidus snorted. "As you can SEE, I DID blow up, but I was able to gain enough strength to still live and participate in this here pilgrimage. No thanks to any of YOU."

"Wait a minuteee…" Dar eyed him. _That's weird… _

Wakka noticed the same thing. "If you exploded…shouldn't your atoms and particles be…not intact, brudda?"

Tidus kicked him. "They AREN'T!"

And that's when they all noticed—that Tidus was NOT in the shape of a human, but was merely a pile of previously blown-up molecules. Ew…

Lulu shuddered. "Um…we'll get that fixed…"

"NO! I WANT IT FIXED NOW, IDIOTS!" Tidus's molecules screamed unhappily.

_But I'm perfectly FINE with things this way! _Darius declared mentally. _Crap… _"Weeeell…maybe Seymour will be able to fix that," he said, disappointed, pointing ahead at the terribly ugly figure of a blue-haired rapist with long nails, standing at the entrance to Mushroom Rock.

"Oh no… HE'S here?" Tidus whined.

"Yep! And…there's Brynna and Auron..." Darius pointed out.

And, yes, the two of them had grown tired of running around frantically from each other, and so had settled down at the entrance to Mushroom Rock. _Damn, we almost got rid of 'em…_

But he hadn't realized that it was actually a GOOD thing that Auron hadn't succeeded in running away, because if he HAD, all the fangirls would have gotten pissed off at his absence and would have destroyed the planet.

"Oh well… We could have at _least_ killed off Brynna," Darius mumbled to Tidus, who nodded in agreement.

"I HEARD THAT!"

Darius shrugged and observed the place semi-sexily. All around the area were carts and a weird-looking tunnel thing with people going under them and…gates blocking stuff and…I DON'T KNOW! _YOU_ PLAYED THE GAME, _YOU_ FIGURE IT OUT!

Oh, er… I mean…

Darius shrugged and observed the place semi-sexily. All around the area were various carts being pushed under a tunnel, which led to the actual Mushroom Rock entrance (which, B.T.W., was blocked off…by a gate).

There! _Much_ better!

Yuna tilted her head to the side. "Um…can we please get to a cut-scene, so that we can move the chapter along? I'm missing my soap."

"Good idea," Lulu mumbled. She then cried out, "HEY! ALL YOU BITCHES AND HOES! YUNA AND HER GUARDIANS HAVE ARRIVED! SAY SOMETHING TO HER SO THAT WE CAN START A CUT-SCENE!"

"Oh, _that'll_ work," Tidus's molecules mumbled.

But to everyone's surprise it _did_ work, for right at that moment, Luzzu and Gatta went _skippity-skippity-skip _all the way over to Yuna, and giggled girlishly.

"Oh, hey guys! It's been so loooong! Hee hee! …(asterisk) '_laughs_' (asterisk)…" Gatta shrieked, waving hysterically. _Um…NO, _Darius returned mentally. "We saw you all at the blitzball tournament! Good job! The score was SO close!"

"The score was two to, like, a million," Wakka corrected dryly.

"Close enough," said Luzzu. "Well, we'll see you all later! Oh, and wait around for us; we'll have Sin beaten in _no_ time!"

"Wait…Sin, beaten?" Darius mumbled to himself. _Wait! I remember this from the game! They're going to all try to kill off Sin with some machina, and…BOOM! _"Uh-oh."

Auron walked over, a wary look on his face. "Hold it. What do you _mean_, 'Sin beaten in no time'?"

"Yeah!" Lulu agreed. "Since _when_ have we been able to destroy Sin _that_ easily? What are you planning to do to kill it?"

"Ugh! It's none of your BEESWAX, lady! Why should we tell YOU?"

Lulu ripped off his head.

"…you've made your point," Luzzu muttered, after regenerating another head, which, alas, was uglier than the last. "We're bringing sinspawn from all over Spira here. Sinspawn inevitably draw Sin, right? We're going to lure it into a trap! (Asterisk) '_Giggle' _(asterisk)."

"…If you're going to giggle, then GIGGLE," Darius said. "But don't put it in dialogue! That's like…AIM chatspeak!"

"What's _that_?"

"Uh…nothing…" he replied, his eyes shifting suspiciously.

Silence.

"Rrrrrrright." Lulu blinked and turned back to Luzzu and Gatta, who batted their eyelashes at her patiently, causing her to rip THOSE off as well. As they yelled in pain, she said, "Listen, you two! You _can't_ beat Sin with machina!"

"Why not?" Gatta asked.

"It's bad manners!"

"Oh, and ripping out our eyelashes ISN'T?" Gatta snapped, and with that said, he and Luzzu flipped their hair and stalked off.

"We tried to warn them," Auron said darkly. "They _won't_ be able to destroy Sin like this."

"But Sir Auron!" Wakka protested. "We have to stop this, then!"

Yuna shook her head. "No, don't say that... We have to have hope... For without it, we definitely won't defeat Sin."

"Alright, alright, on to Seymour then," Darius sighed. He had hoped he would be able to avoid doing that, but…oh well… Besides, being in a conversation with Seymour couldn't be THAT bad… (Cough.) "I'll lead the way!" he said.

Brynna, after standing alone for some time by herself for some reason, joined in. "What-cha doooin'?"

"We're going to see Seymour!" Wakka cheered. After hearing those words Brynna immediately tried to get away, but did no succeed, for Lulu grabbed her by the collar and dragged her along.

"OHHHHHH, _YUUUUUNAAAAAAAAA_!" some creepy guy called out, beckoning her to approach him. Unfortunately this creepy guy was indeed…Seymour. _Greeaaat…, _Darius thought, mentally drowning himself.

"So you have finally come, Yuna!" Seymour exclaimed uglyly. "I have been waiting…" He then waved at all of the guardians. "And greetings to the rest of you!"

"It is a pleasure!" Lulu gasped.

"Oh, Maester Seymour, in person!" Wakka chimed in.

Kimahri nodded in agreement and almost—just _almost_—cracked a smile. "Maester Seymour. Kimahri honored."

But however honored everyone else might be, Brynna tapped her foot impatiently, Tidus rolled his eyes, and Darius snorted.

"Oh, hello Maester Seymour!" Yuna greeted, bowing. Darius squinted and could've _sworn_ he saw Seymour attempting to peer down Yuna's blouse while she bowed. However, no one else noticed this and it would have been _slightly_ awkward for Dar to randomly rip out Seymour's liver and eat it raw, if no one understood why. Besides, he lacked much of the needed strength. For this reason, he kept quiet…momentarily.

Seymour grinned. "You must want to get through to the command center, which we have blocked off, correct?" Yuna nodded. "Very well."

He turned to the guards, who were standing at the gate blocking the entrance to Mushroom Rock Road. "Unlock the gate, and allow Lady Yuna and her guardians into the command center," he told them.

"But sir, we can't!" they protested as one.

"Why ever not?"

"We lost the key!" they said, still speaking at the same time.

"WHAT?"

They cowered in fear, and still as one, said, "Please! We're sorry! Don't kill us!"

"Then stop speaking in unison, you freaks!" Darius burst out, unable to control himself.

"That's okay, Maester," Yuna said, noticing the Maester's growing anger. "I know another way we can get through." She held up her staff, and immediately Ifrit, her Aeon, materialized from nowhere. "IFRIT! METEOR STRIKE!"

Ifrit, instead of performing the "Meteor Strike" attack, lazily opened its mouth and—exhaled. Its horrible breath caused the gate to melt away into pyreflies, who pinched their noses and hurriedly fled. "Good booooy!" Yuna exclaimed, petting Ifrit's back.

"_Someone_ give that thing a toothbrush," Tidus's molecules muttered. "And, preferably, some Scope."

Then, as everyone stared accordingly, Yuna un-summoned the Aeon and everyone skipped merrily ahead. Apparently the two guards had _also_ melted into oblivion at the whiff of the Aeon's horrid breath. Oh well. More oxygen for the _rest_ of us!

The group continued walking, now accompanied by Seymour, until Clasko called out from nowhere, "Halt! You all are going the wrong way; the command center is to the west, not north."

"Clasko?" Brynna asked, poking him. "How would _you_ know where the command center is? You can hardly even ride a chocobo!"

"I…uh…well, these two have agreed to help me correctly direct people to the command center…" He gestured to two people standing behind him.

"Oh, Lady Yuna! And Maester Seymour!" the female one cried out, bowing to both of them. "It is an honor to meet you! I am _She-_linda, a disciple of Yevon. I have, unfortunately, been forced to help this terrible cause… I can't believe they're going to use _machina_ to destroy Sin! It's wrong, unethical…and not very polite, might I add."

"That's what_ I _said!" exclaimed Lulu.

Darius shook his head pityingly. "And, uh…who's that guy next to you?"

"Oh, why hello there!" the male one said excitedly. "I am _He_-linda, the brother of _She-_linda; both of our parent's names were Linda. It is, I suppose, an honor to meet all of you."

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiight."

"Listen," Yuna said, "could any of you tell us more about the Crusader's plans to lure and trap Sin? It is urgent that we know."

"Ooh, ooh, ooh! Let ME do it!" Clasko cried, scrambling forward. Unluckily, he tripped on a marble that just HAPPENED to be on the floor, and fell flat on his face. Ouch...

Hmm... I wonder how that marble got there...

La, la, la, la, la... -hums innocently-

"Nonono, that's...quite alright, Yuna." Seymour smiled. "_I_ shall tell you all I know about the Mi'ihen Operation, as they are calling it, on the way to the command center. I shall guide all of you there... Even..._you._" He wrinkled his nose at Darius.

Darius's mouth dropped. "Uh...Ti? What did _I_ do?" he whispered to Tidus, who was still in molecule-form.

"You _looked_ at me funny," Seymour grumbled darkly, low enough for only Tidus and Darius to hear. He then turned back to She- and He-linda. "Thank you for your assistance here. Lady Yuna and her guardians shall continue on, and I shall lead them."

"Oh, our pleasure!" they said cheerily, and Clasko groaned, "Yeah...mine too, I guess..."

Seymour nodded. "Then, shall we continue?" he said, extending his hand to Yuna.

Yuna hesitated to take it.

"Yuna! Have some manners!" Lulu said, surprised.

"Um..." Yuna said, faltering.

But Tidus saw what was going on here. "But...she should be able to choose whether she wants accompaniment with the Maester or not, right?" Tidus asked, attempting to hide his obvious anger. _Don't even try it, Seymour..._

"Yeah... I think we'll be fine by ourselves..." Brynna said, glance sidelong at the Maester. _So me and Dar aren't the _only _ones uncertain about this guy! _Tidus thought.

"I had no idea I was so unwanted!" exclaimed Seymour, shocked, clutching at his heart.

_Oh, CUT THE ACT! _Darius thought, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything, lest it turn out unbelievably rude—which it _would_ have.

"Yuna, we're waiting." Auron said this quietly yet, in a way, forcefully, so Yuna knew what to do.

"Sorry..." she said, embarrassed. "But, first, could you please heal Tidus? He...erm...kind of went 'boom' in the last chapter, and—"

"Say no more; I will do anything my Lady Yuna asks." Seymour smiled and took out his rod. The rod began to light up at its end, and Tidus was abruptly normal again.

Well—as normal as he could _get_.

But at least he was now in human-form, and was no longer merely a pile of talking molecules. Yuna, who was quite satisfied, placed her hand in Seymour's, and—while Tidus glared, fuming—Seymour led her and her guardians to the command center, without letting go of her hand at all.

_- - -_

"So, Sir Auron," Seymour said, smiling generously. "It is an honor to meet you. It would be interesting to hear about what you've been doing these past ten years."

"I've got nothing to say about it." Then, a thought crossed Auron's mind. "Unless...you have any Gil to offer? Or, preferably, a Tae-Bo tape?"

"No, I am afraid not, for that tape is _very_ expensive. However, I _do _have Tae _Po_'."

"Then, no."

Wakka decided to cut in. "Maester Seymour, sir... Erm... could you please give us more information on the Mi'ihen Highroad, your grace...ness?"

"Certainly. And please, speak as you normally would."

"That IS how he normally would," Darius put in, truthfully.

"...please do not interrupt me, or I will have your arms chopped off, grilled, buttered, and served on a steak." Seymour cleared his throat calmly, and Dar stared at him incredulously. "... The Crusaders plan to use Sinspawn to lure Sin to the command center, where they will attack it with plenty of machina."

Wakka gasped. "But then...this operation is against the teachings of Yevon! Shouldn't you stop them?"

"Perhaps he would _want_ to defy Yevon," Darius muttered inaudibly.

But apparently it _wasn't_ inaudible, for Brynna added, "And perhaps he would _want_ to cause mayhem..."

And Tidus added, "_And perhaps he would want to stop holding hands with YUNA!_"

"_Shh!_" Lulu...shushed.

"It is quite alright, Lulu," Seymour assured her, gazing disapprovingly at Tidus. "_Some_ people control themselves better than _others_. But it _is_ true, Wakka, that I should stop them. However, both the Crusaders and the Al Bhed truly wish peace for Spira. This Operation Mi'ihen was born from that wish they share, and although it may be sacrilege to Yevon, their intentions are pure." Then he leaned closer to Wakka and whispered, "...besides, they both gave me a particularly good backrub the other day."

"But...using machina...and giving backrubs...! They're both horribly against Yevon's teachings!"

"Then pretend you don't know," Seymour said.

"Beg your pardon, but that's not something a Maester should say!"

"Then pretend I didn't say it," Seymour said.

"And beg your pardon again, but that's not the way a Maester should _look_, either!"

"Then pretend I didn't look it," Seymour said.

"And that's not the way a Maester should _feeeeeeel_!"

"Then pretend I didn't _feeeeel_ it," Seymour said.

"And that's not the _skin_ tone a Maester should have!"

"Then pretend I didn't _skin_ _tone_ it," Seymour said.

"And that's not nostril size a Maester should have!"

"Then pretend I didn't _nostril size_ it," Seymour said.

"And I'm pretty sure a Maester should DEFINITELY not have such a _teeeeny weeeeny_ little di—"

"THEN, DAMMIT, PRETEND I'M A FEMALE!" Seymour screamed, and ran off.

_

* * *

_

Auron grunted. "Yuna, we must pick up the pace," he said. "They may be already starting the Operation."

"The man's right, Yuna!" Lulu nodded fiercely. "What do you suggest, Sir Auron?"

Brynna held up a finger. "_I_ have an idea! Yuna cast Haste on everyone! Then we can get there _much_ faster!"

"Kimahri agree. Lady Yuna must hurry, if guardians are to make it on time."

_Wow...he really DOES talk..._ Darius thought, shrugging. "Yeah, alright, let's get this over with, before they blow up the place with the machina."

"Alright!" She nodded, waved her staff, and muttered, "_Haste_." She repeated this seven more times, until everyone was appropriately...Hasted.

And with that Haste spell, Darius and the others were able to arrive at the command center within three minutes. Dar was very surprised that there were no fiends in this area, but...did NOT jinx it. They passed Luzzu and Gatta, who were dawdling just outside the area, babbling on about "the true meaning of being a Crusader" or some crap like that. _Oh well, _Darius thought, remembering FFX. _One of you is going to die during this Operation anyway..._

But which one?

Well, unlike in FFX, they were now both extremely annoying and a bit nauseating to associate with for long periods of time. So it didn't really matter which one exploded, as this point.

And Wakka, who apparently hated machina, decided to go on a machina-kicking rampage, and so he kicked every machina he came across on the way to the center. Of course the machina, pissed off at being kicked, bitchslapped him... But Darius was able to stop Wakka from kicking any more machina until they actually GOT to the destination.

_Which is...right...over...THERE! _Darius shouted mentally, pointing at an area with people walking anxiously around. "We made it alive!"

"Barely," Tidus remarked, side-glancing at Wakka's various bruises.

The command center was small yet big, sexy yet ugly, annoying yet tolerable, and most of all...sad yet happy. For Darius knew what was to become of 70 percent of the people here: death, molestation, and rapism. Well...something like that, anyway...

A rather... _large_ man waddled up to the group and grinned. "Well, well, well! Good to see you Auron! Been ten years, hasn't it?"

Lulu bent down to Darius's ear. "That's Wen Kinoc, one of the Four Maesters of Yevon. He leads the warrior monks...commands the crusaders...and, from time to time, enjoys picking flowers in the backyard. He is quite artistic. From day _one_, his first word was—"

"Lu?" Wakka said, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Do we really need a biography?"

"_I'LL GIVE YOU BIOGRAPHY IF I DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT, WAKKA! FROM THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO...DISAGREEABLE! OH YES, AND HOW DARE YOU MAKE THAT COMMENT ON THE SIZE OF SEYMOURS YOU-KNOW-WHAT, WHEN YOU YOURSELF AREN'T EXACTLY KNOWN FOR YOUR OWN SEXUAL ABILITIES! AND ANOTHER THING—!"_

"Oh, damn, look at the time!" Wakka fled.

But, thank God, there was an interruption, before Lulu could continue and cause us all to throw up. "All troops ready to move at your command, sir!" Gatta said, giggling into his hand.

"Oh, _really_? You mean _I_ can command the troops?" Darius asked.

"As..._if._ I was _talking_ to Maester Kinoc." And with that, Gatta flew off, to the valleys.

Kinoc nodded. "So. Tell me, Auron... Where have you been the last ten years?" But when it looked like Auron wasn't going to reply, he said, "Just tell me one thing: Have you seen Zanarkand?"

Auron snorted.

Kinoc sighed. "You know this Operation won't work, Auron. We'll just...let them dream a little longer," the Maester continued. (Is it _me_, or do people even LIKE maesters? I mean, really... There's Seymour... Kinoc... Mika... Who's _next?_) "But Sin won't be happy when he arrives, I'll tell you _that_. We're in for a serious battle."

Tidus's eyes bulged. "Wait, _what? _You _knew _this would—?"

Kinoc whistled innocently and left.

Darius exchanged looks with Brynna, who was the only one in the group (other than Auron) who looked like she had seen this coming. But...how would _she_ know? He decided to ask.

"Uh, Brynna?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you—?" But he couldn't finish the sentence, for a loud shrieking noise had cut him off. But it wasn't a normal person's shriek; it was the shriek of a... Sinspawn!

Tidus pointed in the direction of the Sinspawn. Or, rather, Sin_spawns_. "HOLY MOTHER OF..."

Darius and the others stared as a machina crane lifted about twenty different shrieking Sinspawns at once into one huge crate. _This...will be bad..._ he thought.But then another thought occurred to him: _What about Tidus?_

Back on the Mi'ihen Highroad, Seer Jade had told Tidus all about his father being Sin. How would Tidus feel about meeting his father like this? _...No, this'll be REALLY bad..._

"Ah... _Ah_... AH... AAACHOO!"

Darius slowly looked over his shoulder, as a random guy disgustingly sneezed all over him. _No, this'll be TERRIBLY bad..._

Auron grimaced. "The bait has been set; any moment now, Sin will come." He looked meaningfully at Tidus, who stared angrily at the floor, knowing he was about come to face-to-face with his father, who was now Sin.

"But, Sir Auron!" Wakka protested, finally rejoining the group. "Sin might not come! I mean, _just_ because of a few Sinspawn...? I mean, I _know_ Sin usually returns for its spawn, but—"

"No, it will come."

"Oh dear..." Yuna murmured, now realizing what the devastation that would occur.

A man standing by the crate holding all of the Sinspawns used some sort of funky machina thingy to electrocute all of the Sinspawn inside. But unfortunately, he also electrocuted himself in the process, AND one of the Sinspawns broke out.

Auron brought out his broad sword slowly. "Our battle begins now." He broke into a run toward the spawn, and Dar and the others followed, bringing out their own weapons as well.

"TAKE—_THIS!"_ Dar cried, flinging himself forward until he was close enough to attack. Right about now he was wishing he knew how to use his sword, Dyrnsyn, the way Xodan knew how. He remembered how Xodan had used the sword to cause objects to dematerialize or randomly be engulfed in flame... but he, Darius, had no clue of how to do this. But he tried anyway.

_Uh...DYRNSYN! Engulf that thing in flame! _

The Sinspawn yawned.

_Er...Dematerialize it!_

The Sinspawn crossed its arms, tapping its foot impatiently.

_Um...use Holy magic on it!_

The Sinspawn exasperatedly checked its watch for the time.

_Oh, F you! _Dar thought angrily, about to do things the old-fashioned way. But before his sword could make physical contact with the huge fiend, some random guy electrocuted the Sinspawn again, and it exploded into teeny-weeny-sized Sinspawn babies.

"Oh maaaan! I was just about to attack!" Darius whined.

"Yeah, and_ I_ was just about to swing my _blades_ at it!" Brynna moaned.

"And_ I _was just about to _breathe_ on it!" Ifrit complained. Everyone stared at him. "Oh...er... I mean..." He quickly went POOF! and disappeared into thin air.

Auron smirked. "Hmph. You won't be so eager for battle once Sin appears _himself._"

"We'll see about that..." Darius heard Tidus mutter darkly.

* * *

Sin laughed, currently in the middle of a kickball game with his fellow whale friends. He powerfully kicked the ball with his tail, causing it to sail away. "HOOMERUNN!" he cried in whale-language, swimming to first base. 

"_No it's not, you cheater!_" Free Willy accused heatedly, pointing a fin at Sin. "That was an offensive foul!"

"Willy, you idiot, there are no offensive fouls in kickball! Shut the hell up before we exile you again," Sin retorted.

"HMPH."

Sin was past second base when he felt his Tidus Senses tingling. "Oh, I almost forgot about him!" he muttered, slapping his forehead. Then, louder, he yelled, "GUYS? I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" and swam away, to the shore.

_Well, DAMN! Has it really been that long since Tidus and I have bonded? _he thought. _The last time I tried to bond with him was on his way to Kilika! And even THEN, I didn't get the chance to give him a noogie!_

Well, he WAS Jecht, Tidus's father, after all. And it WAS true that he hadn't been able to spend much time with his son the last time he visited him. So, therefore, Sin made his decision: It was time for some more bonding!

Of course, the last time he had tried to "bond" with Tidus, he had accidentally destroyed 60 percent of Kilika, almost cut off all their water supply, and destroyed their crops...but whatever. And, of course, the time before THAT, he had killed over a third of the people on the Al Bhed Salvage Ship, and the time before THAT, he had single-handedly destroyed Zanarkand and most of its residents.

But other than THAT, nothing!

So, YEAH! It was DEFINITELY time for some MORE father-son bonding!

Sin found himself at Mushroom Rock, gazing at hundreds of people as they cried, "SIN! SIN! SIN!"

Sin rolled his eyes. _People these days... Do they not have any manners? _Ignoring them, Sin spotted his son, Tidus, and stretched his fin out to give him a playful noogie.

Unfortunately, since Sin's fin was approximately three times the size of Montana, this "noogie" resulting in hundreds of random people being smushed and flattened into the ground like pancakes.

_Well, I HAVE always liked a good pancake... _Sin shrugged and dived at the bodies—but then stopped.

He would need some ketchup! Well, DUH. How stupid of him to have forgotten! If the other whales down in the sea had heard about THIS, they would have doubled over laughing!

Internally chortling, Sin cheerfully used Maester Kinoc as a bottle of ketchup, by violently squeezing the life out of him and squirting his blood all over the dead bodies. He then dived forward and munched and crunched happily on the corpses.

_Wait 'til the boys down in the sea hear about THIS one!_

* * *

Darius leaped on one of its fins and began ferociously swinging Dyrnsyn at the colossal monster, attempting not to fall off while doing so. He knew Auron, Kimahri, Brynna and Wakka were below him striking it there as well, while Lulu shot "level two" spells at it such as Fira and Thundara. 

"_IFRIT!" _Yuna called out, and the Aeon immediately sprang from the ground. _"Starting breathing!" _

But even its horrible, disgustingly nasty breath could not force Sin to die, implode, blow up, go away, or all of the above. In fact, Sin merely opened its OWN mouth and breathed right back at Ifrit.

The two nasty odors made contact with each other, and as a result, all plant life within a radius of six hundred kilometers immediately ended.

Darius tried again to get Dyrnsyn to do some powerful magic. But this time, he didn't attempt to do any of the magical crap he had seen Xodan do; he tried to develop his _own_ magical crap.

He concentrated on being free, liberated from all boundaries. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the atmosphere, not the earth, and he felt gravity lifting for him. But then the sensation abruptly stopped when he thought, _You know, this is so corny..._

He opened his eyes... and...

What. The. Hell.

He was now standing on top of Sin's back—no longer on one of his fins. But did that mean he had _floated_ up there, _teleported_ up there, or was he simply insane?

He hastily tried something else. _Okay, alright...now, focus... _He closed his eyes again, concentrating on the fact that he was supposedly "The Son," as Seer Jade had said. He realized that if she hadn't been lying, it meant that he would create another Sin—and everything Yuna was going through right now would be in vain.

That notion pissed him off. He forced himself to concentrate more on the notion, and when he opened his eyes, Dyrnsyn was glowing with a golden light.

_Uhh... _Shrugging, he used the now glowing Dyrnsyn to physically attack Sin with. Apparently Dyrnsyn now inflicted much more pain when it was glowing in this manner, so he continued to swipe at Sin's scales, leaving what looked like skid-marks on Sin's exterior.

_Syexy... _he thought, happy that he had found an efficient means of attacking with Dyrnsyn now.

* * *

Tidus glared at the colossal monster. Cannons and such were being fired at it, warriors were directly attacking it, and mages were firing potent magic spells at it, but nothing seemed to damage the thing. 

...that evil bastard...

"Let's see how well my dad takes this," he muttered. He sprinted toward "Sin," leaped into the air, and came slashing down hard on the monster's exterior.

Sin blinked, unchallenged, and blew a large amount of snot Tidus's way.

"Oh, so you want to play that way?"

Tidus let full anger surge through him, thinking back to all those years his father, Jecht, had insulted him and ignored him as if he weren't even there. He thought back to how Sin had been the one to take him from his home back in Zanarkand, to..._here. _He thought back to a million other things, and then, quite literally, stabbed Sin with his sword.

The sword went as far as it could through the monster's exterior, until the only part sticking out of it was the handle. Tidus glared at Sin as it mouthed the words, 'That tickles!'

"NO, DAMN IT!" Even MORE pissed, Tidus snatched the sword back, but before he could lunge at the monster, Seymour pulled him away.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF!"

"You won't hurt it," Seymour said calmly. He turned to Yuna, who was beside him. "Neither one of you will."

"And _you_ can?" Tidus spat.

The summoner attempted to blink back her tears, but in the end she gave up, allowing them to flow down her face like water flowing out of a faucet. "But Maester Seymour...! All the people here, being killed..." She gestured to the hundreds of corpses lying about in unnatural positions. "All of the pain, the agony... We have to stop it! There has to be _something_, anything!"

The Maester shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, Lady Yuna..."

* * *

Less than an hour later, Brynna took a look around at the piles of corpses lying everywhere. She didn't say anything, but could only think, _Oh my God..._

Among them was Luzzu, the companion of Gatta, and one of the Crusaders. She gasped, but then stared up into the sky, shaking her head. She knew she should've been able to put a stop to the deaths...somehow... But it was too late for that, of course. _How horrible... _she thought._ Sin...he'll pay. And Yevon too, for thinking up this situation..._

At the sound of approaching footsteps, she whirled around, but relaxed when she saw it was only Dar. The two looked at each other and didn't speak for a while.

Then she couldn't control herself, and hugged him, crying.

Dar, alarmed, awkwardly attempted to make her feel better. The girl was crying more because of the underlying guilt that she could have stopped all the death from occurring, but she didn't explain that.

There was silence for a moment. Then—

"Did—did you know this would happen...?" he whispered gravely, forcing himself to ask it while he had the chance.

"...yes."

_...I knew it, _he thought triumphantly. "But...how—?" he started to ask—but Tidus showed up. "Oh," Darius said. "Uh...yeah." He was somehow awkward when it came to complete seriousness and truthfulness. "Was...was that really your dad back there?" he decided to ask, even though he, having played FFX, already knew the answer.

Tidus exhaled, disgruntled. "Yes, it was."

"Hey!" Brynna said, more cheerfully than not. "We'll kick his ass LEFT and RIGHT when we get the chance! Don't worry!"

"Uh, I DON'T want to picture Sin having an ass," Tidus muttered.

"Whatever you say," Darius said, hiding the fact that Sin did indeed have an ass. And a very fugly one at that. (Hey, I heard that! _You_ have one too, so shut up!)

Yuna and her other guardians approached. Tidus was first to notice that everyone seemed sad but Yuna, who was grinning like a hyena who had just lost its virginity.

"Um, what's wrong with _her_, Dar?" Tidus asked.

"Oh, nothing!" Yuna beamed. "Seymour just told me that 'I must be the people's strength now, more than ever. Anyone else would be expected mourn, but I am Spira's hope. I must not relent.' So...I've taken that to heart, and NOW...I'm going to force every single one of you to grin 24/7, so that people will have faith in us!"

Tidus, now pissed off again, began to foam at the mouth.

"And what ELSE did Seymour tell you?" he shouted shrilly, causing various windows to shatter. (...although there _were_ no windows...)

"He...asked me to take him as my 'pillar of strength, as Yunalesca had her Lord Zaon.' Or...something along those lines... Why?" she asked, still grinning like Ronald McDonald.

Brynna coughed a multitude of times. "YOU'RE awful cheerful..."

"She _must_ be, in dark times," Kimahri said quietly. "She must shine bright. Yuna tries hard, because now are dark times." Then he said, too quiet for Yuna to hear, "If we worry, she tries harder. Do not frown; always smile."

"I don't see YOU smiling," Darius remarked.

The Ronso tried to...but...well... he ended up looking more like Chuckie, from _The Seed of Chuckie. _This was, of course, creepy enough to cause all of the dead bodies lying around to get up and flee like hell, to the hills.

"...Time to go," Auron said hurriedly, before the Ronso could try again.

"But we wouldn't mind leaving you here, Dar, if you'd like to stay—" Wakka grinned.

Lulu frowned and crossed her arms. "No, he is staying! And Tidus and Brynna, too!" _Wow...surprising,_ Darius thought, for he had been sure up until now that Lulu had despised his, Tidus's, and Brynna's guts.

_Hmmm... _Darius thought.

Maybe this little incident with Sin actually ended up bringing Yuna's guardians closer to each other. Maybe, in a tight situation, the group learned to hold onto one another and survive, so that their "story," as Auron called it, would continue. Maybe, just maybe, someone was watching over them, making sure they lived on to finish their journey in one piece. Could it be ... that deep inside of each and every one of them, they all had love for one another? Maybe it was that very love that watched over them in this tight situation. Love... Maybe love is the strongest emotion that it's possible for a human to have. Maybe... _just maybe_... there is love in each and everyone _one_ of us, and it is that _very_ love that keeps us strong... That very love that keeps us healthy... And maybe—just maybe—it is that love that governs our very lives.

...And if you believe THAT, you're crazier than you LOOK.


	12. Yevon's Interference

(Introduction to Chapter)

Tidus smiled, tilted his head slightly to the left, and waved pleasantly at the readers. "Hey, guys! I've been thinking it over, and I've decided that _I_ am going to be the new main character to this story. I will be taking over, and the fic will be retitled, 'Destiny of a Tidus'. Yuna will make love to me each night, and the main plot to the story will be entirely centered around _mwah._ Auron will kill Brynna's sorry ass OFF, Darius will die in a mysterious fire, Wakka will be cooked for dinner, and Lulu's breasts will magically shrink—" He abruptly cut off, eyes bulging, as the other main characters to the story emerged, narrowing their eyes at him.

"And my breasts will do WHAT, perve?" Lulu snarled menacingly, grabbing him by the hair and flinging him to Djose, where the _real_ setting to this chapter begins.

* * *

Author's Note- erm... 

...Hello. _/\./\;;_ People (if there ARE any left), I'm muy, muy, muy, muy sorry for being such a lazyass that I haven't updated in months... BUT! I'M ALIVE! Um...please forgive me. I'm trying to update better, but it's a bit _hard_ when you lack muses for _days_ at a time. (glares at them)

_(Edit: _I just realized... this chapter is _very_ idiotic. Just BURN IT when you get the chance, okay?)

Anyway, big thanks to "MollyBurleyFools", "Sydon", "Auron's Fan", "Too Sexy" (grins), "Lovinlifefamous", "Anasazi Darkmoon", " 3", and "dooooooooooooooooooooooooood" for reviewing! (By the way, I was NOT serious about the 10 votes thing! It just...kinda turned out that way...)

Ohhh_ yeaaahh_... And to "Doctor Tranquilliser"?

...In American English, you spelled 'tranquillizer' wrong.

* * *

Chapter 12  
_Destiny of a Blah Blah Blah_

"_Fluffy._ _Stop that._" 

Yevon stood up from his throne and booted his cat across the room. "I've _told_ you not to munch on dead humans in front of me." Without delay, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a living female woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. "_Live_ ones are much better."

He quickly _ripped_ off her head, _chomped_ down on her body, _chewed_ about three times, swallowed, gulped, burped, and let out a long, pleasant sigh of breath that was so bad that it consequentially caused the CO2 level to rise dramatically in the atmosphere.

The malevolent, horribly ugly god took out a toothpick and picked at his teeth for a while, then returned his gaze back to Spira. He smirked a highly unattractive, revolting smirk that made even Satan look like a cute beanie baby, and muttered, "Looks like _now_ is a good time."

And with no further explanation, the nasty little thing put on some clothing (...let us not imagine what he looked like BEFORE he had said clothing on... -shudder-), and vanished in a puff of smoke and pyreflies.

Fluffy meowed (caring very little that his master—an obese, bald, thousand-year-old man who plays with himself on weekends and evidently walks around his house butt naked—had randomly gone _POOF!_) and went back to munching jubilantly on dead humans.

* * *

"And that is the _last_ bathroom break we're taking until the story's over," Lulu muttered, eyeballing the companions beside her to make sure they understood. 

Darius harrumphed. "Fine."

And, stomping forward irritably, he and the rest of the group continued the perilous journey to Djose, which, Yuna happily indicated, couldn't be too far off.

But he had other things on his mind.

He was busy internally listing the questionable things that had occurred lately. For one, what was with this strange moon that called itself Nyllia? For two, what the hell was with Xodian, his supposed "other personality"? And, more importantly, what would happen if Xodian returned? And what about all the crap Jade had said about Spira being destroyed by _The Son_?

_This can only mean one thing..._ he thought. And—just when he was about to come to a very well thought-out conclusion on what the hell was going on—

He tripped, fell off the edge of a very steep cliff, and went, quite audibly, "_SPLAT_."

Lulu's reaction: A wide grin.

Yuna's reaction: A gaping expression.

Tidus's reaction: A loud laugh.

Auron's reaction: A giant grimace.

Wakka's reaction: "... Wait, _what_ happened? I was using the bathroom."

Brynna's reaction: A giggle, a cheer, a dive after Darius, and, yes—

"_SPLAT._"

...again.

The others in the group exchanged shrugs, peered down at the two idiots who had dove off the cliff, and, having absolutely nothing to do with the plot of the story, idiotically followed suit.

* * *

Yevon, who had just finished dematerializing from who-knows-where, materialized in front of a reasonably large building of a diminutive town with a multitude of tall, unattractive, green-skinned people—Guado—walking amiably along its streets. 

Good adjective use, eh?

You know it turns you on.

Well, at the time, Yevon did not particularly care whether it turns you on or not, which was openly shown when...he blew up the world.

Erm... Technically, that didn't happen. What _technically_ happened was a few people caught a glimpse of Yevon before he got a chance to shape-shift his body into something that wasn't so fugly... and THEY detonated from the horror.

"Luckily", however, there were _only_—say—63 people who saw him.

Meaning, in other words, that half the population of the entire city went "**_BOOM!_**" in just one second. And even worse, there were some people who _saw_ those people blow up, but did not blow up themselves. It was not a very pleasant sight to see your beloved family members explode so randomly, you see. Therefore, the people who _saw_ the 63 people randomly detonate, were quite shocked, and ended up crying and bursting into song.

_Some_ did this because they were grieving for their dead loved ones...

...But _most_ did this because they got noticeable bloodstains on their shirts, which they bought from Abercrombie and Fitch, and were therefore too expensive to be replaced.

But either way, Yevon cackled to himself at all the bloodshed and tears he had caused. Despite himself, he shape-shifted into a larger, less ugly human body (still uglier than most humans, however) with the physical attributes of a certain familiar Guado from a certain familiar videogame.

"So. _This_ is Guadosalam these days," he muttered, observing the area with interest.

Yevon smirked and walked straight into the large mansion in front of him, knowing very well that it was not _his_ home, and that it was considered rude and unethical to randomly dive into folks' homes. (Except for in RPGs such as Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy, of course, where the main character may strut into any random guy's house, leisurely take all his prized possessions and valuable belongings, leave—and _still_ be best friends with the him on your way out.) Even so, however, the guards at the door greeted him kindly with such words as, "Good evening, Tromell!" and "Oh, Tromell, how've you _been_?"

The malevolent god merely nodded curtly and moved past.

He closed the double doors behind him and emerged at a large, spacious room with two marble staircases on either side of him, both leading to the same place. He took the left one and knocked on the door at the top.

"It is I, sir," he called into the room, in a slightly more high-pitched voice than he normally would have used. "May I come in?"

"Oh, it's _you_, Tromell..." It was an even higher pitched, oily drawl than the one Yevon had used, and it came from none other than Seymour Guado himself. Yevon, who was of course cleverly disguised as Tromell Guado, Seymour's assistant, entered the room. "Have you any important news?" Seymour inquired.

"Well, yes, sir... I have an idea to share." Yevon, who was quite adept at lying and being mischievous, had no problem with this. "I merely thought—"

"Yes? Make it quick, I do have plans to organize, Tromell..."

"Well, sir... It is about one of the people traveling with the Summoner Yuna in her pilgrimage: I've heard her name was..._Brynna_."

"What about the brat?" Seymour snapped irritably.

"Well, I've learned of something very—_interesting_—about her that might..._benefit_ you, sir..."

* * *

Moments later, Darius struggled to stand up from his looooooong fall and looked around at his surroundings. While he did this, however, a certain member of the group stomped on his foot angrily. 

"_Darius_! You must look where you're going, idiot," Lulu snapped. "You could've died! And you too, Brynna!"

Tidus lifted one shoulder carelessly. "Your _point_? It would only leave more room for the rest of us, Lu." He scratched his neck comfortably, and observed the area into which they had fallen.

"Hey! If we're _going_ to succeed in this pilgrimage, we have to stick together!" Wakka protested.

"Oh YEAH, and that's coming from someone who was off _pooping_ to his delight, while the rest of us _were_ continuing the pilgrimage!" Brynna pointed out.

Auron frowned. "You haven't even noticed—"

"Noticed _what_? That Tidus's fly has been unzipped ever since we got to the S.S. Sexy?" Darius retorted.

"I don't remember that..." the blonde Zanarkandian replied, thinking back, and staring off into the sky. Still, he hastily fixed it while no one was looking.

"Well...um...it _was_ only... six CHAPTERS ago!"

"...your mom was only six chapters ago."

"Actually, she was _five_ chapters ago."

"I have to use the bathroom again, brudda..." Wakka interrupted.

"AURON! YOU'RE ALL SWEATY! You're HOT when you're sweaty!" said Brynna.

"………………………………………." both Kimahri and Auron replied in unison, sweat-dropping like madmen.

"Do you have a jar I can put some of that sweat in?" she continued anxiously.

"Do _you_ have a jar I can put your _corpse_ in once I lop off your limbs?" a very distressed Darius put in.

"Do ANY OF YOU have a jar I can pee in?" Wakka whined, hopping on one leg in a manner that was very amusing...but sad.

"Hey, everyone!" Sora, Goofy, and Donald exclaimed happily, popping in from nowhere.

Everyone stared at them. "Who the hell are you?"

Sora turned to Donald exasperatedly. "I TOLD you this wasn't Neverland." And with that, he and the two human-sized animals behind him skipped off to the north.

Lulu watched them gallop away, tapping her foot impatiently. Then, she said, "LOOK. Can we PLEASE just get to another damn cut-scene, so we can do something IMPORTANT?!"

"Um, guys..." Yuna said quietly, raising her hand.

They all stopped to stare at her.

"... I think we've been in each other's company a bit too long..." Yuna awkwardly smiled at them. "I think...maybe we need a bit of a break? I mean, all those people who died in the fight against Sin, back at Operation Mi'ihen...it was... And...maybe it's gotten to us. I just—don't—" Her smile, which had recently faded and been replaced by a horrible frown and eyes that seemed on the verge of producing tears, quickly returned. "I just think we should split up, guys!" She was forcing herself to be happy, not allowing grief to get to her.

Tidus sighed and ran a hand through his golden hair, which parted easily with the slightest movement of his hand. "Yuna...don't..." But he seemed unable to find the words.

Darius peered over at him. Tidus seemed to have found a sudden interest in his shoes, for he was now staring at them with such intensity that Darius was _sure_ he was just determined not to look at Yuna's forcefully happy face. It was just as Kimahri had said, back at Mi'ihen:

"_Never_ shove roadkill down a chocobo's butthole."

... ... oh! Wrong quote. I meant:

"She must shine bright. Yuna tries hard, because now are dark times. If we worry, she tries harder."

_Sad,_ Dar thought, shaking his head with much pity. _She's...not able to grieve, if something sad happens. She has to keep giggling and grinning, just so all the Spirans can be cheerful! That's...not sexy at all._

And alas, he was quite correct; it was about as sexy as a tape of Squidward and Patrick stripping on a pole.

...on the SAME pole.

...TOGETHER.

...in the CITY.

...during SUMMERTIME.

...with OIL rubbed onto their chests.

"Yuna is right," Auron said solemnly. "We, as a group that must defeat Sin, must not deter from our goal. And it may be hard not to do that if the members of the group get easily annoyed with one another. Yuna is right that it may be best to split up for now."

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm with Auron!" was the first thing to come from Brynna's mouth. _And a very sad, shameful thing, at that,_ Darius added, feeling sorry for poor Auron for having to deal with such an obnoxious fangirl.

(Which brings up a good point. Is it just me, or have you ever noticed how there are millions of "fangirls", but never any "fan_boys_"? Hm. I guess Michael Jackson kidnapped them _all?_)

Of course, Darius was NOT exactly the most businesslike, practical person himself...so he really shouldn't have been talking.

And if he _was_ the most businesslike, practical person..._Yevon help us._

Tidus seemed to be in deep thought. "Thennn... if we're going to separate into groups, how about _my_ group consists of Yuna and me...and the other group consists of...everyone else?"

Yuna blushed, but Darius was not amused—which was bluntly shown when he whipped out a giant mallet and smashed it against Tidus's head. "How about _not_," he said. Then, too quiet for them to hear, he added, "Or else _you_ two would have two babies and three STDs by the time we met back up..."

Brynna, whose seemingly supersonic ears picked up on this, giggled and nodded vigorously.

"What are you two chortling about, brudda?" Wakka said, scratching his red head.

"Bunnies and _cheese_," Brynna responded sarcastically. "What do _you_ thinkWakka?"

Before Wakka had a chance to respond, Auron quickly butted in. "The groups are as follows: Kimahri, Lulu, Brynna, and Wakka; and Tidus, Yuna, Raishad, and I—"

"It's 'Darius...' " Dar interrupted, aware that he had never openly told anyone in the group his birth name before. "...not Raishad."

Tidus eyed him. "Potato, po-_tah_-to."

Darius pulled out the giant mallet again.

Tidus quickly vanished behind Kimahri, who rolled his eyes and shook his head with much obvious pity.

"Anyway..." Lulu continued. "Is everyone content with the groups?"

(The responses consisted of: "I guess...," "Mmmmmmmhm," "Yep", "...whatever," "Hmph", "...", and "Did you say somethin', Lu?")

"...I'll pretend like everyone said 'Yes,' " Lulu murmured, after throwing a boulder at Wakka, who was the one who had said "Did you say somethin', Lu?"

And, saying nothing more, Dar continued looking around the place and pleasantly put away his mallet for later use. It consisted mainly of a broad road that led up to a small hut on the right and, in front of that, a towering temple with electric sparks flying out from its walls. "What the—" He froze. "Wait a minute, we're here! Djose Temple!"

The others observed the place further and seemed to brighten a bit, glad that they didn't have to journey any farther to reach the destination. "Oh, so we are..." Lulu observed.

While Brynna continued to ogle happily at Auron, Yuna had a question for the group.

"So, um, guys?" Yuna raised her hand timidly and nodded in the direction of the temple of Djose. "Um... since Dar, Auron, Ti, and I are all in a group, and since I must go through to the Chamber of the Fayth..."

Lulu nodded. "Yes, they shall take you through the Cloister of Trials, while the rest of us wait," she said, "..._or they will face my ass's wrath._"

"Why do we have to face your _ass's_ wrath? Why can't we just face _yours_?" Tidus queried.

_Apparently her ass is more violent than the rest of her, _Darius said internally, picturing Lulu beating them down with naught but her buttocks as weapons. He had to quickly stop, though, because the picture in his mind was becoming more and more disgustingly nasty as time went on.

"ANYWAY!" he exclaimed, forcefully changing the subject and clearing out his mind before anyone could reply to Tidus's _"highly intellectual"_ query. "If we're not back in seven minutes..."

Tidus, Yuna, and Dar all exchanged glances and nodded quickly in agreement.

"...then wait longer, damn it," they finished in unison, beaming.

"And don't molest each other while we're gone," Darius added, as his group began to walk off. (He could _swear_ Lulu and Wakka mumbled, "Awwwwwwww _man_..." when he said this.) "Oh, and watch out for moldy people. Yeah, and don't eat small children without the proper kitchen utensils. And if you come across Sora, Donald, and Goofy again while we're gone, tell them I would very much like to know how to get past Atlantica; I've been stuck there for months. Oh yeah, and when is FFXII coming out? I heard it had—"

"WHAT THE FUCK?? SHUT THE HELL UP!" everyone in Spira boomed, thus violating the T-rating for both FFX and this fanfiction, and effectively pushing it into a "Mature"-rated game/fic.

Auron turned around and gave the others a hateful look that seemed to say, 'Dammit, why the hell did you place me in THEIR group?'

But he and rest of them shuffled off, nonetheless, into the dark of the night... Well, more like, into the temple... BUT!

* * *

"Why _thank you_ sir," a high, peaceful voice said from Seymour's room, in Guadosalam. "I shall now take my leave." 

A moment later a kind-looking man with messy, green hair pleasantly emerged from the room, politely shut the door behind him—

—_and grinned nastily._

As he did so, his pupils flashed a dark maroon color and his clothes rustled a bit. Without delay, the man, Yevon (without changing his appearance), descended down the staircase and dematerialized once more.

When he reappeared, he was in a locked closet with an unconscious man in front of him who was chained tightly to a chair and had tape slapped across his mouth. The man had the exact same physical attributes as Yevon, but the expression on his face was blank, as opposed to the horrible menacing expression on Yevon's.

"Looks like your existence _was_ meaningful," the god sneered. And, without reciting any incantations or making any gestures with his hands, he magically released the real Tromell from his unconscious state and materialized him back into Seymour's mansion, where no one would know anything suspicious had occurred.

The god exited the room, entered an abandoned alleyway somewhere in the streets of Guadosalam, shape-shifted back to his normal ugly form, and materialized back to wherever the hell he came from, knowing that the work he had done was going to pay off sometime very soon.

He had never directly interfered with things in Spira before. But this _was_ a special case, after all.

* * *

"Yuna, are you ready to enter the Chamber?" Auron asked, "because once we do..." 

"Yes... I understand, Sir Auron, I'm—" She abruptly stopped. "Wait. . . . Is that . . . Luzzu!?" Yuna whispered, pointing in the general direction of a certain tall, red-haired Crusader leaning against one of the walls of the temple.

"_Shhhhh!_" a priest snapped at her, shooting the group an unpleasant glare.

"...bastard!" Darius took out Dyrnsyn and sliced off the priest's head.

They walked over to where Luzzu had his face buried in his hands, and they poked him a couple times until he acknowledged their presence. "Oh...hey," he muttered, hardly loud enough to hear.

"Hey, man!" Tidus exclaimed. "You okay?"

Luzzu looked up. "Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. It's just Gatta..." Luzzu swallowed hard. "He's..."

"Really OOC?" Darius put in.

"No! Well, that too, but—"

"SHHHHHH!" the now-headless priest snapped again, interrupting.

"...ass!" Darius, wondering why the priest was still alive, took out Drynsyn and a chainsaw and sawed/sliced off the man's limbs. Then, he turned back to Luzzu and asked, "He's _what_, then?"

"Gatta... He's... HE'S..."

Yuna cupped a hand to her mouth. "Oh no, Luzzu... Tell me you don't mean to say he's... MOLDY?"

"NO! Well, that TOO, but—"

"_SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_ the headless-and-limbless priest snapped _again_, interrupting once more.

"...hoe!" Darius, wondering why the hell the priest was STILL alive, took out Dyrnsyn, a mini-chainsaw, and five small children, and used them to pluck out the man's eyelashes, rip out his tongue, feed his toenails to a pack of wild hungry moogles, and pimpslap him to Hell and BACK to finish his sorry ass off.

"Then what's wrong with him, dammit!" Tidus barked impatiently. "Wait... Are you trying to tell us...he's really...a WOMAN?"

"_NO!_" Luzzu shouted. "Well, actually that _TOO_.. But...! I'm trying to tell you... Gatta...he's...he's...!"

"Dead?" Auron suggested.

"YES!" And, with it finally said, Luzzu burst into uncontrollable tears and started banging his fists against the wall dramatically.

"...Ohhhhhhh, okay! That's _it?_" Dar, Tidus, and (surprisingly) Yuna and Auron asked, wiping their foreheads with relief. "We thought someone _died_ or something!"

And with that, they all went, in unison, "Phew!" and galloped into the Chamber of Secrets—er, I mean the Cloister of Trials—leaving poor Luzzu alone in the room with the creepy little undead priest, to moan all he wanted over the death of OOC Gatta.

* * *

"GET—THE HELL—OFF ME, BASTARDS!" a shrill voice cried out. There was a multitude of "_SLAPP!_" noises issuing from where the voice was coming from, but the frantic slapping was not enough to stop them from carrying her away into their airship. And what was worse was that her daggers had been taken away from her, so the little girl had no means to attack. 

"_NO! LEAVE HER ALONE! STOP!_"

Lulu concentrated her power, whipped out a moogle, and cast a surprisingly strong Thundara spell on the masked kidnappers. It hit one of them, causing him to fall off the airship—but it was not enough.

"LU, WATCH OUT!" Wakka boomed, and the second she ducked out of the way, he spiked his blitzball in the direction of the enemies and knocked a good number of them off the airship—but it was not enough either. "God damn it! We can't do this without the others!"

"You're right... But they're still in the _temple_! I don't know if we can kill off so many of them on our own..." Lulu muttered.

But the strong, deep voice from behind them had other plans:

"_Kimahri_ can. Kimahri no _need_ others."

With no further discussion, the Ronso howled to the skies like a wolf on a full moon, got on all fours, and sped forward like a mad cheetah to catch up to the airship, which was already taking off. At a certain point, he sprang into the air, about to land on the airship to save the anonymous girl from the unknown kidnappers, when—

_WHACK._

One of the kidnappers leaned out of the airship and literally _swatted_ the Ronso with a flyswatter, causing Kimahri to fall down to earth quite unpleasantly.

Lulu and Wakka ran up to him and helped him up. "You alright, ya?" Wakka asked.

"I thought you said you 'no _need_ others,' " Lulu stated rudely.

"Hmph." Kimahri stood up. "We must tell Yuna."

"You're right... COME ON!" Wakka led the way and burst through the doors to the temple, just as Yuna and her other guardians were descending the steps that led to the Cloister of Trials.

"Oh, hey guys!" Tidus greeted them, waving cheerfully.

Yuna beamed. "I've got great news! I've just receive my third aeon...the aeon of lightning, Ixion. Oh, and we met another kind summoner named Isaaru...and his two guardians, Maroda and Pacce! They said something about summoners randomly disappearing, but—"

"Yuna! That's all good and well, but listen! Something's happened!" Wakka butted in.

"Hm? What is it?"

Auron's eyes flashed. "Wait. _Where is Brynna?_" he questioned sharply.

"That's what we're trying to _tell_ you!" Lulu exclaimed. "Brynna, shes...!"

"Really strange and creepy?" Tidus suggested.

"No!" Lulu exclaimed. "Well, that too...but she's--"

"Secretly the daughter of the little girl from The Ring?" Darius suggested.

"No! Well, probably that TOO... but, no, she's..."

"An obsessed little girl with no life who glomps Auron on a daily basis?" Tidus suggested cheerfully.

"No! Well, I mean, that TOO, damn it... But! More importantly, SHES--!"

"A beautiful, sweet, lovely ray of sunshine from Heaven with lots of potential and a strong heart?" Yuna suggested.

Pause.

"... _**HELL**_ no."

Lulu cleared her throat.

"...anyway...she's been kidnapped and taken to Guadosalam!"

There was an overly elongated pause of silence while everyone let these words sink in. Then--

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh... that's ALL?" they all said in unison, sighing with much relief and wiping their foreheads.

Lulu glared at them. "_And_ she took all our Gil _with_ her!"

"**SHE DID _WHAT?! WE MUST RETRIEVE HER!_**"

Lulu: ...-anime sweatdrop-

_- - -_

Author's Note-...Ain't it sad how people care more for Gil than for the welfare of creepy little children?

...um, please review!

_/\./\;_

_-S_


	13. Moonflow: The River of Destiny

Author's Note- Sorry for the delay, everyone, but FFXII came out and I couldn't resist. XD I'm trying to update with chapter 14 before Christmas, so please be on the lookout! Thanks for all the reviews, and remember:

EATING SMALL CHILDREN IS BAD! (…without A1 steak sauce.) Please read, and do enjoy!

* * *

_(Introduction)_

"FOLLOW THAT AIRSHIP!"

The group of crazed idiots all sped out of Djose, anxious to retrieve the hard-earned cash that Brynna had taken with her when she'd been kidnapped. Of course, Darius knew, the second they found her they'd probably take back their Gil and leave her with the kidnappers to be violently raped, molested, done 'The Nasty' to, and humped.

_Of course, she might actually enjoy that… _Darius thought sinisterly, smirking.

"Where do you think she's been taken to?" Lulu huffed between pants, not daring to slow down or stop running.

Auron shook his head. "It depends on who it was that ordered her to be kidnapped." He looked at her, Wakka, and Kimahri, and said, "Did you manage to see—?"

"Nope," Wakka panted, "we didn't see they're faces…"

"Aw…poor Brynna…" Tidus sighed. "…she's going to be molested by a bunch of anonymous _bastards_… I mean, it would be different if they were good-looking, but…" He shook his head with pity. Then, a thought seemed to have come to mind: "…wait, who the hell would want to do _her_?! She's…"

Darius could _swear_ Kimahri had just muttered the word, "flat," under his breath to complete Tidus's sentence, but no one else seemed to hear this, so he regarded it as merely his imagination.

"Isn't it a bit rude that we're all talking about my guardian behind her back?" Yuna asked. "After all…" Yuna suddenly sprouted angelic wings and a halo materialized above her head. "…she is a gorgeous, strong-hearted ray of sunshine from Heaven with a pure, beautiful soul, and it is truly a blessing for her to be with us."

Everyone stared in horror at her, surprised that she was such a damn goody-goody.

"HEY!" The _real_ Yuna came stomping out of the bushes, where she had been tied up all this time, and slapped the bitch across the face. "WHO ARE YOU?"

"Um…" Fake-Yuna smiled sheepishly. "A mirrorr image?"

Real-Yuna blinked. "…you didn't spell that right. You're lying." And with no further delay, the true Yuna, who, of course, would never go as far as calling Brynna "angelic", catapulted the OOC Yuna into the air, where she exploded into a mass of fireworks.

_How long does it take them to realize they're getting sidetracked so easily? _Dar shrugged, and said, "Come on, we're going to lose them at this rate!"

Lulu nodded. The group stopped conversing and continued to sprint desperately, in order to keep track of where the airship was heading.

Then, after a good five minutes, everyone froze in midair and gaped, for they had all just realized that after all this time, they had not been running after the airship: they had been running in _circles_.

" _WAKKA!_ YOU _IDIOT!_" Lulu bellowed, taking off her shoe and beating it repetitively down on Wakka's head. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LEADING US! WHY DIDN'T YOU _TELL_ US WE WERE BEING STUPID?"

"And OOC!" Darius added, assisting Lulu with the frantic whippings and beatings. Unfortunately for him, the redhead blitzer had many shoeprints engraved into his skin by the time they had finished.

Wakka, after having recovered, was just about to point out that they had _been_ stupid and OOC ever since the first paragraph of Chapter Two, but he did not have the time, for Tidus (and even Yuna) had decided to jump into the fun, taking off his shoes (although Tidus was, of course, forced to keep his socks on, lest horrible odors take place and cause a forest fire) and smack the poor guardian to death.

Kimahri and Auron exchanged glances.

…_you know, these idiots HAVE been stupid and OOC ever since Chapter Two, _Darius thought hypocritically.

Evidently, they had all been too busy activating "Idiotic" nodes and "Strange Sense of Humor" nodes (not to mention the enormous pile of "Mary Sue" nodes) on the Sphere Grid, when they SHOULD have been activating IMPORTANT ones, such as HP Nodes and Sexy Nodes and whatnot.

Because God knows not ONE of them was attractive.

Still, Darius had no more time to contemplate the meaning of life, for an old, nasty man had just ambled up the group, preventing the mad frenzy of guardians—and summoner—from beating down Wakka any further.

"Um… I don't know if you heard," Yuna said politely to him, "but we're in a bit of a crisis and now's not the time to ask for any signed autographs from Auron… You see, one of our guardians has been kidnapped, and we're trying to develop the plotline…"

"Oh I know. And you aren't succeeding," the man replied indifferently. "In fact, I am one of the people who govern the Fanfiction . Net website. I was coming just to let you know…that your story will be taken off the internet within the next update if the seven of you do not pull it together and behave seriously for at least this ONE chapter." He cleared his throat. "Oh. And one more thing—we, the governors of FFN, have noticed that all seven of you seem to behave in a particularly rude manner at times. So—_if I hear any of you say ONE more thing that is rated anything higher than PG—the story will be obliterated._"

And with that, he Disapparated, leaving naught but seven confused little idiots scratching their heads idiotically in his wake.

Darius made a mental note to himself: Don't say or do anything unsuitable for small children to watch, until he was sure the Governors were no longer around. Or, there would be consequences.

_(End of Introduction)_

* * *

_Chapter 13: River of Destiny_

"Tell me again, why are we continuing the pilgrimage when Brynna's being kidnapped? Shouldn't we be following her?"

It was Tidus who had asked the question, and he was the one who Lulu scowled at. "That's precisely what we're _doing_ by proceeding with the pilgrimage," she replied, and pursed her lips.

"But, if it is…how do we know—" But as lightning suddenly flashed and thunder crackled in the background due to the ominous look on Lulu's face, he was quick to shut up.

"Actually…" Yuna looked up, opening her mouth to fend for Tidus, who looked pleased. "…he's asking a good question. How _do_ we know where…?"

"Only someone with a significant amount of power would be able to send out an airship of that size to capture a mere girl," Auron said simply. "And the only people of that caliber…" He left the sentence incomplete.

"…live in Bevelle," Kimahri finished quietly. Dar silently took note of what was going on, feeling the necessity to not interfere in the conversation, but to listen to see where it was leading.

After being violently bellowed at by the Governor of Fanfictions, the petite little group had stopped running in circles and proceeded to the Moonflow, which, Lulu had indicated, would lead them to the shoopuf wharf.

There was a pause of silence before anyone spoke up again; it seemed as though Darius was not the only one busy contemplating. There were too many things that had gone wrong in the pilgrimage so far. Too many catastrophes…too much chaos… What ever happened to leading a simple, peaceful journey full of laughter and smiles?

These days, journeys were all filled with death, murder, rape, bloodshed, tea parties, OOCs, sucky Aeons and small children lining up for milk. _What ever happened to the good ol' days,_ Dar wondered dreamily,_ when bitches were bastards and bastards were bitches-?_

But Darius's thought was interrupted as the Governor of Fanfictions irritably Apparated in front of him and screamed, "_I heard that!_ This is your last _warning_: watch your language!" …and then fled.

Tidus angrily shook his head. "Someone has _got_ to get rid of that bastar-"

He materialized again. "What was that?"

"Nothing!"

"Thought so." And, without saying anything more, the Governor took out his wand, waved it, and with a _crack!_ he disappeared into the night.

Tidus exchanged annoyed glances with the others, but dared say nothing. The group was rounding a corner, proceeding into a lengthy, narrow path leading to the Moonflow. Dar noticed that a clan of huddled bastards and bitch- erm…_people_- were congregating toward the edge of the path, busy squabbling over some issue. _Probably_ w_orld peace, _he guessed, trying to sound PG-rated, so that the Governor would not reappear and smack him with an oversized, long-ass stick.

(And no, my idiots, not THAT kind of "stick". I mean the kind of stick made of WOOD. …damn, why do only perverts read this story?)

Still wondering why the group of people was bickering so loudly, Tidus furrowed his brow questioningly, Dar raised his brow questioningly, Yuna tilted her brow questioningly, Lulu ripped of _Wakka's_ brow questioningly, Wakka munched on his brow questioningly, Kimahri charbroiled his brow questioningly, and Auron wondered why the hell everyone was so busy playing with their brows.

As the clan of arguing "people" up ahead loomed closer, so did the words of their conversation:

"_Clasko! _How many times have I told you? _The chocobos are for training and riding on, NOT eating!_"

"Awww, but…they taste so good! Besides, it's only a chocobo _leg_; it can still run on its three remaining legs! Besides—KFC is really inexpensive if you get the #7 Combo Meal!"

"…Clasko, at least _remove_ the feathers before you eat it. And what does KFC stand for, anyway? Kilikan Fried Chocobo? We're not even in Kilika anymore! So what are you going to call it _now_, _Moonflow_ Fried Chocobo?"

"Actually, _Elma_, I _was_ considering that."

Wakka leaned in toward Darius, and whispered, "Clasko's a bit…different, ya?"

"They're…The Chocobo Knights!"Darius exclaimed, leaping into the air and breaking into song, performing interpretive dance and ripping off his shirt. "We're…_saaaaaved_—!"

"…Don't do that." Auron grabbed the idiot by the leg and pulled him to the ground, where he collided into a three-legged chocobo, who angrily shouted, "Kweh!" and slashed him with one of his claws.

Lucil, Clasko, and Elma all paused from their intense verbal battle, and turned to face them. "Ah, it's nice to see you again, Lady Summoner!" Lucil greeted, grinning. "How is the pilgrimage going?"

Clasko walked over to Darius, who was sprawled out on the floor, probably unconscious. The Junior Chocobo Knight had a look of utmost concern on his face as he said, "Darius! Oh heavens, have you died?" He came up with an idea. "I know! I'll revive you…by ripping off my clothes and wrapping them around your body to protect you from the cold!" And just as he was about to do so—

Dar immediately bounced to his feet, brushed the dust of his shoulders, and said, "That will not be necessary, Clasko," before taking an immense step away from him.

As it seemed that no one was going to bother answering Lucil's question, she continued, "Well, we, the Chocobo Knights, are off to the north to search for more chocobos…to replace those who have died. And been eaten," she added ominously, throwing a glare Clasko's way.

"That's very nice," Yuna said, smiling.

"Not really," Clasko put in, narrowly avoiding an enormous chainsaw being swung his way, which had come from Elma.

As she put away her weapon of mass (or little) destruction, Elma gasped as a thought suddenly occurred to her. "Say, would you all like to rent a chocobo or two? You can ride them into the Moonflow; it will be much faster than walking. Normally we don't do this…but for a summoner and her guardians, we're willing to support." She beamed.

"That'd be wonderful!" the summoner replied, performing a Yevonite bow to show her appreciation. "Which one can we take?"

Elma grinned evilly and pointed directly at Clasko. "_That_ one."

* * *

Moments later, after the group had taken turns getting piggy-back rides from Clasko (interestingly, Kimahri seemed to have enjoyed it the most, as was shown when he was seen cheerfully whipping Clasko like a horse on the behind with his lance), everyone met back at the entrance to the Shoopuf Wharf. 

Auron glanced at Wakka, Yuna, Lulu, Darius, Kimahri, and Tidus, who all glanced back. When he felt like he had everyone's attention, he said, "Ready to continue?"

But Yuna had shrieked excitedly as she turned around and, for the first time, noticed the Moonflow River flowing behind her. Its scenic, dark blue, glistening color caused her eyes to sparkle with glee as she stared in awe at its beauty. "It's…" She smiled, cupping her hand to her mouth. "…beautiful!"

The black mage took a look, and smiled. "Oh yes, this is what the Moonflow is known for." Glowing pyreflies glided just above the glistening water, as if attracted to it, making the scene even more unique.

"It's…something I've never seen before…" Yuna murmured, seeming to be in a trance. "They say clouds of pyreflies gather here when night falls…but I've…never seen it for myself."

Dar glanced at the river, and a suddenly grave and relevant realization edged its way into his mind:

_None of them had taken a shower or even used the bathroom in the past four days._

Yes. _Highly_ relevant, and not random at all! Darius felt so proud for coming up with something relevant to the situation that he broke out in song again, ripping off his shirt and causing multiple females in the vicinity to immediately _swoon_.

* * *

("More like, _faint_ _in horror_," the Governor of FFN corrected, materializing again and stapling Darius's shirt back onto his torso. "Now, rip your shirt off again, and I'm deleting your existence from the planet." Saying no more, the man left, and the scene resumed.)

* * *

Tidus joined Yuna and lay his hand on her shoulder, staring out into the scenic river. 

"Do you know what it reminds me of?" she said quietly.

"…Yuna?" Darius declined his head and sat at the edge of the river, immersing his feet into it. Lulu joined him and gently dipped her hands into the flowing river, allowing a small amount of its waters to settle in her cupped hand; Auron gazed at the water, smiling, as if remembering the last time he had been here during Braska's pilgrimage. "What is it?" Dar asked the summoner.

There was a long pause before she responded. "It…reminds me of…a destiny."

Dar looked up. _A destiny…_

As everyone stared pensively out into the body of glistening stream water, some sitting, some standing, but _all_ silent, Yuna listened to the voice of the winds.

Her multicolored eyes continued gazing in the direction of the water, and she smiled dreamily.

"The direction a stream flows…is always away from its source, and toward its mouth. And when a fork looms into the view, the streams splits and proceeds in two different directions… It may go east, or it may deter and go west…. Its water may either flow slowly, calmly, toward its final destination…or it may surge forward, rushing to get there…. But either way…whether at a slow pace, or a fast pace… whether it goes north, or south… whether a boulder hinders its way, or whether it simply overcomes all obstacles…" She slowly sat down, watching passively as the stream displayed its charm, glistening in the darkening sky.

"…it never stops flowing."

_

* * *

_

In the morning (Yuna had asked everyone if it was alright if they spent the night at Rin's Travel Agency Slash Motel, which was close by; it was getting dark, and Tidus wasn't so keen to ride a shoopuf at night anyway), Darius waited for the others to turn up at the passenger loading zone of the shoopuf wharf.

Tidus and Kimahri were the first to show up. _This is just great_, Dar thought, mentally smacking his forehead and anticipating to idiocy that would ensue…

…but miraculously, the only thing Tidus said was, "…what…the hell…is THAT?!" as he pointed up at the shoopuf.

Well, actually, that wasn't too miraculous, seeing as Lulu had already explained to him seventeen times now that they were going to be riding a "shoopuf", or a halfway aquatic elephant, to the other end of the Moonflow.

Of course, when Tidus had replied with, "What's an 'elephant?' " everyone had gotten pissed, and Dar explained as calmly as possible that an elephant was "an obese creature with a trunk for a nose."

And when Tidus had replied with, "What's an 'obese creature with a trunk for a nose?' " everyone had gotten even MORE pissed, and Dar exclaimed as calmly as possible that an obese creature with a trunk for a nose…was "someone like THAT woman." He had pointed to a rather large female who somewhat resembled Dumbo.

And, unfortunately for our sad excuse for a main character, She-Dumbo overheard him, cried, "SICK 'EM, BOYS!", and before anyone knew what was happening, seven dwarves, one creepy princess, and a poisonous apple, were all chasing Dar around the town.

And, even more unfortunate, the leading dwarf tripped on a boobah and spontaneously combusted, at which point the Governor of Fanfictions vehemently materialized again, ripped out the idiotic dwarves' souls, and forced them to all sit down and listen merrily to an illegally downloaded CD of—no, not the Spice _Girls_—the Spice _Boys._

And, thus, the problem had been solved.

"…are you going to answer my question?" the blonde Zanarkandian asked, after two minutes had passed and still no answer. "What IS that thing?"

"Tidus? It's a shoopuf, man."

"Oh… You mean, a puff of shoes?"

The Ronso produced an unnaturally loud cough that sounded suspiciously like the words "dumb blonde." Before anyone could realize this, however, he said, "Kimahri think Tidus should stop while he is _behind_."

"'Morning!" Yuna cried, running over.

"Hey, Yuna!" Tidus called out.

Halfway there, she tripped.

"Oops!" she giggled, standing up and brushing herself off. She continued running toward them.

Then tripped.

"Oops!" she giggled, standing up and brushing herself off again. She continued running toward them.

Then tripped.

"Oops!" she giggled, standing up and brushing herself off again. She continued running toward them.

Then tripped.

"Oops!" she giggled, standing up and brushing herself off again. She continued running toward them.

Trip.

"Oops!"

Trip.

"Oops!"

Trip.

"Oops!"

"_Dammit, stop stumbling!" _everyone cried in unison (ignoring the fact that the Governor of Fanfictions was now screaming at them for utilizing profanity), and Kimahri was quick to pick Yuna up and carry her to the passenger loading zone.

Surprised that there were only three guardians waiting for her, she said, "Where are the others?" And when Dar and Tidus shrugged, Kimahri replied, "Other guardians forced to leave on first shoopuf; not enough room on this one."

"Oh…" Yuna sighed, and when the Hypello before her cried out, "RIDE ZE SHOOPUF?" she merely gave him a frightened look and tripped her way inside.

_

* * *

_

"Erm… Yuna? You might wanna tie your shoes…" Tidus suggested.

"Ohhhh…" she said quietly, as if just now realizing it. When she had finished, she gazed dreamily into the sea, while Tidus gazed dreamily at _her_, and Darius began playing with his brow again. Kimahri the Ronso stared at _everyone_, as if contemplating how many ways he could skin them all in their sleep without alerting any potential witnesses.

"Yuna?"

"Yes?"

Tidus looked out into the sea. "Why are we resorting to riding an aquatic elephant, when we could easily skip to all the temples by using an airship?"

She smiled in response. "A thousand years ago there was a war between Bevelle and Zanarkand, Tidus," she said patiently. "Both cities used machina as weapons to battle each other…and our punishment for disobeying Yevon—was Sin. It destroyed Zanarkand's machina, allowing Bevelle to easily obliterate the rest of the city… And, thus…" She held up her hands helplessly. "…summoners do not use machina. We can't use an airship, simply because…it is against Yevon's will."

"…creepy."

Darius nodded in complete agreement, beginning to realize that there were MANY things in this world that were creepy. And as Yuna and Tidus continued their conversation, he continued eavesdropping.

"Tidus?"

He smiled, not having to avert his gaze, since Yuna had been the one who call. "Yeah?"

She looked at the ground. "What…would you do, if another guardian or I ever got lost?"

"I…" He frowned, as if wondering why she wanted to know. "…would probably run around, calling their name and whistling until someone threw me into the sea." When Yuna laughed and Darius rolled his eyes and Kimahri coughed loudly again, he said, "Why?"

"Because…" Her smile faded slightly. "…if something were to happen to me…I want to know what to listen for." There was a pause. "You said…a whistle? Of what kind?"

He grinned and held two fingers to his mouth, before making such a disturbingly loud whistle that small children in the back went deaf.

Dar, who had, so far, not interrupted, due to the fact that Tidus and Yuna were conversing flirtatiously again, couldn't stop himself from muttering, "And if you whistle any louder she'll be too deaf to hear it!"

Having not heard this comment, Tidus grinned and said, "Now you try!"

Yuna tried, but alas, what she had thought to have been a whistle actually turned out to be a bird call from ancient times; therefore, a flock of pissed chocobo chicks flew on the shoopuf and clawed at everyone's eyes.

Pleasant!

When everything had settled, the only people who had not leapt out of the shoopuf to save themselves from further torture and destruction from the birds were Dar, Tidus, Yuna, Kimahri, and an elderly couple making out in the back. Regretfully, the summoner pulled out her rod and cast Cura on everyone, which helped things somewhat—but Darius was still feeling quite displeased with all the moans that were coming from the wrinkly hags in the back seat. I mean really, what 100 year-old people DO that?

In public?

On the floor?

With extension cords protruding from-

"TOO NASTY! Not suitable for small children!" Fanfiction Governor bellowed, literally and physically booting the old couple's rotting asses out into the ocean, where marine chocobos gulped them down.

Yuna chuckled and shook her head at the chaos that had just ensued. "Why does this always have to happen?! I've always just wanted…a laughter-filled pilgrimage… Fun, and peaceful."

"Yuna…" Darius shook his head sadly. "You should know…that's not going to happen. Your pilgrimage won't be peaceful, because its purpose is to end chaos. And the only way to do _that_," he added, "is to fight chaos…with chaos."

She nodded understandingly. "I know. This is why…I want to thank you—for joining me on the pilgrimage; there's something about you two… Something tells me…that in the end, you two, and perhaps Brynna, will be crucial in the fight against Sin. You're my guardians…and my dear friends. _Thank you_."

She thought a little while, then added, "I also think Auron may help a lot…"

"_Aur-_on… _Whor_e-ron… They rhyme," Tidus pointed out.

…He was whacked.

"Kimahri think shoopuf has arrived," the Ronso stated with clenched teeth, eyeballing the three of them in such a manner that indicated quite bluntly that he didn't approve of the apparent relationship between Yuna and Tidus/Dar.

"Oh, it _is_?" Dar walked off the shoopuf, expecting to land on ground—but ended up falling 50 feet through the air, and going SPLAT! when he belly-flopped against the sea.

Yuna and Tidus exchanged glances and winced, eyeing the gory bits of red liquid that were seeping out of Darius and mixing into the sea. Kimahri, as expected, mentally shouted with glee and cackled maniacally.

_

* * *

_

"_Took_ you long enough," Lulu snapped. "We thought you all had fallen to your doom or something."

"Yeah, brudda! We were worried, ya?" Auron said.

Oh.

No, that was _Wakka_, not Auron, who said that, fangirls. No need to get angry at that. (cough itreallywasAuronthough cough)

"You were worried?" Darius asked, rising his eyebrows interestedly. "About whom?"

"…all four of you," Lulu spat. "Although I see we should've been hoping _you_ died."

"ITEMS! WEAPONS! GET YOUR ITEMS AND WEAPONS AT O'AKA'S!" A desperate-looking lad came sprinting over to Yuna and her guardians. "Hey, you're the good people that donated that 1 Gil to me, aren't ya? Well, in that case, BUY FROM ME! HUMUNGOUS DISCOUT! Buy, buy, buy! Sell, sell, sell! It's very important that you…"

He said all this like they should care.

But his voice could be heard gradually less and less as the entire group quickly dug a whole underground and emerged again at the exit of the Moonflow, far away from the desperate merchant. "Sorry, O'aka," Tidus muttered, "but our broke asses can't afford to pay—"

Of course, he was abruptly interrupted by the Fanfiction Governor, who immediately materialized, took off his belt, and whipped Tidus three times on the buttox for using profanity.

Darius frowned and leaned toward Wakka. "You know, that Fanfiction Governor bastard is really—_a wonderful gift from Yevon with all the good looks in the world!_" he quickly added, for the Fanfiction Governor was now menacingly edging closer.

"_I agree! I think we should all hail him and his godliness!" _Tidus lied.

"Oh, well, thank you!" the Governor grinned, patting them both on the back and handing them his business card. "I have always— Hubba HUBBA!"

The man was gazing not at Darius or Tidus any longer (thank god), but instead at a young blonde girl taking a warm, relaxing swim in the river with little to no clothes on.

"I haven't '_gotten some_' in YEARS!" the man bellowed, shoving everyone out of the way; they all stared in horror as he frantically scrambled to glomp the young woman. That is, until—

"And you _STILL_ WON'T!"

The girl leapt up, slapped clothes on her body, pulled her hair into a high ponytail, walked forward, _slapped_ the man six times across the face, ripped out his hair, clawed out his eyes, and sent him a flying kick to the balls.

He went flying into outer space, where he became the star known as the Little Dipper…because, well, let's face it: After THAT hard a kick, his "dipper" could NOT have been big at all.

"Urgh. Perverts these days," she muttered under her breath, and then she looked up to gaze wonderingly at the seven people gazing wonderingly at _her_. "Um…hi!"

Wakka had turned to whisper a comment on the girl's looks to Auron, but Lulu anticipated this and threw him into a tree.

There was a pause, as Darius looked closer. Tidus did the same, as if they were both seeing if they recognized this person. "RIKKU?!" they cried, eyes bulged.

"Eh?!" The girl quirked a brow. "How do you- Oh! Tidus! Dar!" She dashed forward and hugged the both of them.

"What happened to you?" the blitzer asked, amazed, for he apparently had thought he'd seen the last of her. "I thought I saw Sin munching on your corpse!"

"Oh, well, he was going to…but I munched on _him_ first," she replied, leaving both young men in wondrous awe.

"Excuse me, but, who is this?" Lulu said, eyeballing the girl warily with one eye, and eyeballing Wakka (up in the tree) warily with the other. The result was one eye was looking straight, while the other one was rolled back in her head.

"That's Rikku," Dar explained. "We, er, met her earlier… She was the one who helped us before we got washed up on Besaid!"

"You got washed up on Besaid?" Wakka called down to them, attempting to climb down the tree branch.

"Obviously," Lulu returned, rolling her eyes. Yuna nodded, and whispered something in Lulu's ear. After hearing it, Lulu nodded and said, "Uh, all men…take a step forward."

Every male except Wakka did, for he was still stuck.

"Good. Now…go away," Rikku said cheerily. "We females must gossip!"

Auron looked at Darius, who looked at Tidus, who looked at Wakka, who looked at Auron—and minutes later, the females of the group emerged, and Yuna cried, "Everyone! I have news! I would like Rikku to join us!"

Auron marched forward, as the Al Bhed quickly looked the other way.

"Show me your face," he demanded, and Darius gasped, thinking he was going to make out with her and confirm all those Aurikku stories he had heard. When she showed him her face and Auron did nothing, he sighed in relief. Auron muttered, "Just as I thought."

"What? You think I'm hot? You're going to rape me like that nasty ol' man did back there? YOU FIFTY YEAR OLD BASTARD!"

There was a silence.

Suddenly, an angry mob of Auron's fangirls (and one fanboy), which was led by two pissed girls with chainsaws—and no, _not_ the Ring girl (_she_ was in the _back_ of the mob)—whose names were "Auron's Fan" and "Anasazi Darkmoon," all sprinted forward and mauled Rikku, screaming things like:

"HE'S ONLY 35!", "HE'S NOT A BASTARD!", and "WELL, HE'S CERTAINLY HOTTER THAN _YOU_!"

Rikku screamed and fled to the entrance of Guadosalam, followed by Yuna and all her other main characters…except Dar, who was far too busy grinning and waving at the ladies.

Unfortunately, not one of them paid him any mind, as was indicated when they all stampeded over his body.

"BRYYYYNNNAAAAA!" Tidus bellowed, "WE'RE COMING TO SAAAVEEE YOUUU!!" He paused. "…right after I get some of those fangirls' phone numbers…"

Wakka shook his head with pity, still entangled in the tree, watching as the chaotic fangirls (and fanboy) all chased Auron into Guadosalam.

…_.maybe I really _should_ stay up here…, _he mused.

For their sake, Guadosalam had better be a quieter place than any of the others. But, Darius realized, the fact that Seymour Guado lived there, told him right from the get-go that "quiet" would be the _last_ thing they would be experiencing.

And of course the fact that the blue-streaked moon in the sky had, strangely enough, been looming closer and closer every night for the past two days, did not do much to help the matter.

* * *

Author's Note- This is NOT how I normally write. XD In the next chapter I'll be giving shout-outs to those who've been keeping up with the story. Oh, and um...there are no fights in the next chapter, but there's plenty of unexpected twists. I know because...I finished writing it today. XD Please review; I'll try to have the chapter up and running in a couple of days, and I'm planning on updating with the 15th chapter on Christmas day. Happy holidays to everyone on FFN!

_-S_


	14. The Proposal

Author's Note- …yes. Christmas day. And there's an update. You heard it right. An UPDATE. A DATE of UP. _An UPDA-_

Auron: …

before you read, I should let you know that the beginning of the chapter is insane again…but as you progress, the story wisens itself. It gets more serious, and there are less and less "funny" parts. Darius…is the worst Gary-Stu I've met, and I dislike him. Mainly because…he's highly immature, and, well, his character development needs some work in my opinion. Darius shall become more likeable in my view of him, though.

This chapter is dedicated to OCAdam, and _ONLY_ OCAdam, dammit. Anyone who has a problem with this can take it up with Auron. Please read...and if you do, please review to let me know that there are indeed more than two people in the world reading it.

* * *

Destiny of a Not-So Final Fantasy  
Chapter 14: The Proposal 

As Darius and the others entered the town of Guadosalam (right before the hundreds of crazed fangirls—and, incase you had forgotten, one fan_boy_—could get a chance to tackle Auron, they had suddenly spotted Balthier from _FFXII_ strolling along, and decided to molest HIM instead), they proceeded to look around at their surroundings tranquilly.

Rikku, however, yawned, apparently forgetting that she was the newest member of the group and therefore did not yet have the authority to be OOC like everyone else, and muttered, "You know, I've always thought Guadosalam to be a bit…_humdrum_." Observing the area, she added, "And it _looks_ like I was right!"

Darius nodded. _And if I ever see a town with nastier-looking occupants than THIS one…please, shoot me now, _he thought, watching as very unattractive, disheveled men and woman with blue hair skipped up and down the roads, giggling and chortling with glee.

As one particular group of passersby… "passed by", bits of their conversation could be heard:

"…did you see—?"

"Those men carrying in that man on a _stretcher_? Yeah… Never seen such a strange thing…"

"Well, _I _have!" someone else bragged.

"… Well, yeah, but your face scares small children."

Dar quirked an eyebrow, sending a peculiar look at Tidus, who was not paying attention to the conversation, but was instead passing his time by casting Haste on random children and watching them talk in high-pitched, chipmunk voices and run around like they were on hydraulics. When Lulu cleared her throat loudly, Tidus realized he was being glared at and quickly began whistling innocently.

"Oh, m'lady! You've arrived right on time!"

The voice sounded familiar; Dar looked around the corner, down the hall, and down his pants to see where the voice had come from, but, to his disappointment, it appeared not to have been coming from any of them. Tromell popped out of thin air right in front of them, scaring poor Yuna half to death.

"Who are you?" Tidus shouted, patting Yuna on the back for comfort.

"Oh, please forgive me; I am Tromell Guado, the personal servant of Maester Seymour. I've been anxiously awaiting your arrival, m'lady," the man declared in a slow voice, smiling at the summoner. "There's been a horrible accident, I fear. You must follow me immediately.This way!"

…_I wonder how that macaroni and cheese is doing back at home…, _Darius pondered.

There was a long pause, during which no one bothered to follow the Guado's commands. "Oh, you mean _now_?" Tidus asked, scratching the back of his head.

"_Yes, now!"_

"Why do you need us to follow you, again?" Lulu queried skeptically, eyeing Tromell in a strange manner.

"Wellll…" he said, his sluggish drawl beginning to get annoying, "I'm not quite sure why… but a group of men in just rushed in a moment ago, pushing someone who was dying in a stretcher into the mansion…. They created such a ruckus that _everyone_ saw it, m'lady." (_Can you stop only talking to Yuna, and start talking to the rest of us too?! _Darius snapped internally.) "The Lady Summoner is the perfect person to heal him!"

"…why would they care so much about one person dying?" Auron inquired quietly.

"And what about Maester Seymour?" Wakka added. "Why can't he heal him?"

Tromell shrugged. "I'm afraid I can't answer that; I haven't been given any information, I merely assumed it was a dire situation. But, m'lady, please—help us! Oh, and I almost forgot—even Maester Seymour wants to see you...for another reason, I think, though..."

Yuna nodded understandingly and, at the look on Auron's face, said, "Please, give us a moment; we'll be there as fast as we can," after which Tromell nodded and ran off, tripping several times and falling on boobahs.

Darius slowly turned to face the "legendary guardian," who was looking straight back at him. Rikku, oblivious to what was going on, looked from Darius to Auron helplessly.

"I believe," the 35-year-old man muttered darkly, shadows of his hair hiding his eyes from view, "we may very well be about to find out what happened to Brynna."

"Sir Auron…?" Yuna asked, not understanding.

_What is he talking about…? I thought Brynna was in Bevelle… _Dar was equally confused.

But Auron did not utter anything else; the man merely swept from the rest of the party and entered the mansion on the other side of the town. The others stared after him, watching as he left them behind.

"There's something about him…" Yuna murmured with apparent interest, frowning slightly and tilting her head to the side.

Tidus watched her silently out of the corner of his eye for a while. He then wrapped his arm around his shoulder, as if comforting her…again. Was this supposed to be romantic, or just corny? "Yuna..." She looked up quizzically as the Zanarkandian called her name. "...whatever happens..." he said, and then stopped. "Well...I just have a feeling something bad is going to happen here..."

There was a pause. Rikku was staring resolutely at the mansion of Guadosalam, which was located toward the back of the small town. "So do I," she said quietly. "...could...someone please explain to me what is going on? Who is Brynna?" She turned to Dar.

"She's someone we met in Kilika. She became one of Yuna's guardians after she helped us kick the ass of a sinspawn outside the temple," he explained. _And no one knew she would be dragging us into _this_…_

"I hope she's alright..." Yuna murmured, resting her head on the neck of the blonde Zanarkandian beside her.

Lulu cleared her throat. "We should catch up with Sir Auron." The mage's elongated dress billowed beneath her as she swept away to the back of the petite town.

"Yeah…" Rikku agreed, sighing. "C'mon, Yunie, we can't be late!"

"Coming!" the summoner rushed forward, followed by Kimahri, Wakka, and Tidus. When Dar started to follow suit, the Al Bhed 15-year-old behind him grabbed his shoulder. "Yeah?" he asked.

"I... wanted to thank you," she said tentatively, smiling in such a way that her face seemed to brighten the area. "You saved my life back at the Salvage Ship."

"I- I _did_?!" the young man stuttered. _'The only thing I remember is...'_

"Yes, Tyn," she replied, still smiling sweetly. _'Tyn?' _he thought. "The only people Sin really wanted...was you and Tidus. If you hadn't leapt into Sin's mouth...it would've killed us all, just to get to you two. Thanks for..." She leaned on the tip of her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "...risking your life to save mine."

Darius stood there, vaguely realizing that the word 'Tyn,' when translated directly to Al Bhed, meant 'Dar.' But, more importantly, realizing that she had just kissed him.

"Rikku, that wasn't my doing, it was just coincidence... I mean, I _would've_ done it if I knew it would save the rest of you, but...it isn't something to thank me for..."

The smile on her face did not fade, though. "I know. But I still wanted to say thanks." And saying nothing more, the girl began walking to the mansion, leaving him alone to stand there. Then, suddenly, she stopped. "Oh, I almost forgot!" She walked back over to him.

A notice immediately popped up and floated in the middle of the air, defying multiple laws of nature at once.

_Customizing Equipment: __Now that Rikku has joined your party, _it read_, you can customize weapons and armor. Let's take a look! Customize is used to upgrade weapons and armor by adding abilities to them. Use items to add abilities to your gear and customize it to your liking. First, choose the equipment you wish to customize. Note that some weapons and armor cannot be customized. If any of the slots in the Abilities window shown at the bottom right of the screen are empty...you can customize that piece of equipment. If the equipment has no empty slots, it cannot be customized any further. Note that some equipment cannot be customized at all. Let's give it a try! Once you select a piece of equipment to customize...a list of abilities available for that equipment will be displayed. The item cost for each new ability is displayed at the top right. On the left is the number of the required item currently in stock...and on the right, the quantity of that item remaining after the procedure. If you have insufficient items to add an ability...that ability is displayed in gray and cannot be selected. When you select an ability to add...you are asked to confirm the procedure. Select "Yes" to complete the procedure. Note that equipment will sometimes receive a new name after receiving a new ability. This concludes the Customize tutorial._

Darius blinked, and his eyes began swirling around. When they stopped, he calmly, in a quiet voice, said, "Rikku?"

"Yes, Dar?" she replied sweetly.

"About that tutorial…" There was a pause. "_HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?_"

* * *

"So _this_ is the Guadosalam mansion, eh?" Wakka observed. 

"That, and a part-time Playboy mansion," Darius added knowledgably. But when everyone stared at him, asking what the hell "playboy" was, he merely dropped the subject.

The place was quite…_creepy_. Enlarged pictures of blue-haired, pale men with dreadfully disheveled features smiled at them as they proceeded farther into the building. Lulu seemed to feel that it was her duty to inform everyone that the pictures were of all of the previous Guado maesters. Darius made to whip out Dyrnsyn and slash the pictures to bits, but alas, the Lulu whipped out her moogles and threatened to Firaga his violent ass.

"You're _that_ powerful, Lu? So quickly?!" Wakka exclaimed. "We've barely even had time to train, ya? And you've already taught yourself such powerful magic!"

"Actually, not exactly, Wakka…"

Suddenly, Rikku froze. "Do you hear that?" she whispered. She ascended the staircase before her and carefully leaned toward a door, putting her ear to it.

Motioning for the others to join her, the girl's eyes suddenly bulged. "Listen!" she urged them, "it's…"

…T'was Seymour.

…you know him, no?

You know, the creepy, nasty ol' bastard from back in the good ol' days when he would stalk you with his long nails, caress your arm, and then blame it all on your imagination?

Yes, _him_. And, as Darius followed suit to what Rikku was doing, he heard some very peculiarly interesting things from the opposite end of the door.

"…so they should be here any minute now," a drawling, whining voice was saying; it was immediately recognized as none but Tromell Guado's.

"YOU DID _WHAT_?" Maester Seymour's voice barked.

"But, m'lord… I was only trying to help that dying man!"

"What dying man?!"

"The one being rolled in on the stretcher, m'lord—"

Seymour snarled. "_You_ were the one who came up with the plan in the first place; you know very _well_ that the 'dying man' was merely a trick to smuggle her in without the townspeople knowing…"

"Huh? Sir…I did nothing of the sort!" Tromell's voice dropped significantly, so that Darius had to listen intently to hear what he was saying now. "I…don't even remember _what_ I've been doing since yesterday, m'lord…"

There was a pause.

"…Tromell. Are you telling me," the maester said slowly, "that you have _no_ recollection of _anything_ you've done in the past 24 hours…?" After pausing to allow the Guado a response which Darius didn't hear, Seymour muttered, "But… if _you_ didn't give me the idea for that scheme…then who…?"

But he was interrupted as an enraged Auron booted down the door; the entire thing landed flat on the floor of the room as the guardian stormed inside, furiously cutting off the rest of the conversation.

Yuna shrieked to herself, running behind the man. "Sir Auron …!"

"Yuna!" Tidus dashed to her side, as if protecting her from Seymour's nastiness—although, if Seymour really wanted to, Darius was quite sure he could easily fling Tidus aside and do whatever he wanted anyway.

Auron stormed inside and took in the surroundings of the room: Seymour was staring at the party in awe, and his assistant was doing the same. No one had any particular interest in getting any more observations that that; if they did, they would be risking their lives by looking directly at Seymour Guado's features too long.

The maester grinned as if greeting people he hadn't seen since old times. "Oh, Sir Auron, Lady Yuna! We were just discussing—"

"_So we heard_," Auron intervened sharply, his intense glare causing even Seymour to wince for a quick moment before recovering his posture. Darius exchanged wild looks with Rikku, who had never known the Legendary Guardian to be such a bloodcurdling person when angry. Lulu and Wakka reacted the same way: shocked, yet, in a way, interested.

"_What have you done with Brynna?_" he snarled, his eyes flashing as they darted about the room, taking in all the details of the surroundings.

"Brynna?" Seymour wrinkled his brow in thought. "Whoever is that?"

Wakka said "Ohhhhh!" and understandingly nodded. "You remember her, Maester Seymour, don't you? The short, small girl with a strange desire for Sir Auron! Her!"

Darius sent a quick glare in Wakka's direction; he was apparently too naïve to realize that Seymour was obviously lying and stalling for time: the maester obviously knew who Brynna was, for he had met her back at Mushroom Rock. "Wakka, you idiot!" Lulu grumbled. "_You_ sure won't be '_getting any'_ from me tonight!"

Wakka hung his head in shame. "But why not?" he mumbled.

"Simply because I've encountered moogles with more force than you," the woman stated honestly, folding her arms and recalling a particular bootycall when—

"Excuse me," Tromell said, butting in, "but we are not interested in hearing your sexual inclinations; we must stay on topic: Maester Seymour has no _idea_ what you all are speaking of!"

But as Darius watched with much interest, munching cheerfully on a bag of popcorn (questionably, he was munching on the bag, not the actual popcorn) as if he were in a theatre at the movies, he got the distinct impression that the pissed version of Auron begged to differ.

"Oh, but I think he does," the man retorted in a grumbling voice, taking one step closer to Seymour, who interestedly raised his eyebrows twice in quick succession as if inviting Auron to come closer.

This, needless to say, caused poor Darius to retch in his bag. "MY EYES! They THROB!" he cried, clawing them out.

"Um, _Tyn_?" Rikku said, prodding him politely on the arm. "Please calm down; you're loud voice is going to shatter the windows…."

Tidus nodded in agreement, and added, "Hmm… Actually…you may be on to something…" Rikku giggled, losing interest in the conversation with Seymour, for she still didn't seem to understand it anyway.

"Maester Seymour…" Yuna stepped forward tentatively. "…Brynna is the small girl with daggers for weapons. Shoulder-length hair…brown eyes… Do you remember her?"

"Ah, _that_ girl…" he smiled graciously. "We found someone of that description sprawled out on the ground right outside the entrance to Guadosalam. Don't worry, my men were able to quickly bring her in on a stretcher and bring her here." There was a moment of silence, in which a couple people in the room rolled their eyes and muttered something that sounded interestingly like the word "bullshit" under their breaths.

Most, however, merely gazed at the maester with unfathomable expressions. He continued, "She'll be fine, don't worry…although she did look a bit beat up when we found her… In fact, I have...significant _business_ with the girl, if you don't mind; if at all possible, I should like you all to meet me in the main hall of the mansion in five minutes. There I will explain the dilemma—"

"Right," Tidus interrupted, "but if your men brought her here, then where is she _now_?"

Seymour looked at Tromell meaningfully. "…I'll, erm…bring her out…"

He left, and returned moments later holding an unconscious girl in his arms. "Here she is—" he began, but Auron had already marched forward and snatched her away from him.

"Is she all right?"

Auron nodded in response to Darius's query. "She will be." Then he sent a sly look Seymour's way and added, "But when she wakes up, we'll find out for _sure_ what happened…"

Tromell smiled. "We're going to have to ask you to leave now; Maester Seymour will meet you in the main hall in approximately…five minutes." And, quickly, he shooed everyone out of the room, ignoring Dar as he asked, "But where IS the main hall—?"

--------------------------------------------------------------

"It's been a looooooooong time since I've seen a Guado," Rikku said, shuddering. "And they aren't as…friendly as I once thought they were…" She shuddered once more, apparently not exactly pleased with the fugliness of the Guado.

"We should've warned you to brace yourself," Darius replied, and then turned to the oldest guardian, who seemed to be the most emotional right now. "And what's with you? Don't you think you should…calm down a bit?"

"Yeah, really; we _got_ Brynna back," Tidus added, "and even though—"

Auron cut him off.

"Yes, but we have yet to figure out what's happened to her, and why Seymour captured her and brought her here. And on top of that she hasn't yet waken up..." He glanced at the girl he was carrying in her arms, who had her eyes closed tightly in a very unnatural manner. "...which proves that the kidnappers either used excessively violence on her...or she's..."

The last word of the sentence did not come.

"She appears to be breathing, though," Lulu observed, placing her hand over the unconscious girl's wrist, "and her pulse is fine."

"Yes, but that could be an illusion; there are people in Spira who have mastered the art of illusion and trickery. And most of them," he added, "are maesters."

There was a significant pause, during which Darius narrowed his eyes, wondering how Auron would know something like this. "Anyway…" The eldest guardian began pacing around the room, deep in thought. "…our party is far too large; we need to split up into groups."

"Sir Auron…why?" Yuna tilted to head to the side questioningly.

"Because Seymour will only be more uncomfortable if has to talk to all of us at the same time about Brynna. Besides," he added, "we need more items and better weapons and armor anyway—"

"Also, Wakka and I have some business to take care of in the Farplane," Lulu put in. When Tidus asked what the hell the Farplane was, it was explained to him that the Farplane was the place where the dearly departed traveled to after their lives ended.

"Would you mind if I came along?" Darius asked; Auron also decided to follow them. The black mage eyed him suspiciously, as if wondering who he could possibly be visiting there, but allowed it.

Thus, it was decided:

Auron, Lulu, Wakka, and Darius would somersault their way into the Farplane; Yuna, Tidus, Rikku, and of course Brynna would all stay in the mansion and await Seymour's return; and Kimahri Ronso would be sent to acquire everyone's equipment and accessories, for no one really wanted him around.

They all shuffled away into three different directions.

* * *

Yuna, Tidus, and Rikku stood in the middle of the hall, anxiously awaiting Seymour's return—but it seemed like it had been over half an hour already, and still no show. Had he said five minutes, or five millennia? 

Rikku was folding her arms and tapping her foot impatiently, Tidus was drumming his fingers against the wall, and Yuna was considering bursting into Seymour's room and casting Haste on him to hurry him up.

But as they all stood there intolerantly, a young girl in Tidus's arms (Auron had handed her over before heading to the Farplane) was beginning to arouse, groaning as she slowly opened her eyelids.

"Ti…" she murmured weakly, prodding him on the chest.

"_Who was that?!_" he cried, whipping around, his eyes darting around the room, not realizing the poke was coming from the girl in his arms. In effect, he accidentally dropped Brynna, who fell with a _THUD!_ to the floor, and went immediately unconscious again.

"Tidus! That was Brynna, she'd finally awakened!" Rikku exclaimed. "_Now_ look at her…the poor thing…" She peered down at the girl, who was now suddenly conscious again, but was twitching and sputtering on the floor.

"Oh, whoops…"

Yuna bent down and helped her up, allowing Brynna to lean on her for extra support. "Are you all right?"

"I _will_ be…" she replied weakly. "Er…where are we, and what are we doing here?" Then she noticed the Al Bhed girl towering over her. "Oh hey, Rikku!"

She stared at her, confused. "…have we met?"

"Well, I never really introduced myself to you, but I know you." Rikku shrugged, and said, grinning, "Well, nice to meet you anyway!"

"Here, use this Potion, it should help," the summoner said, reaching into her pocket to pull out a miniature bottle of green liquid. Brynna gulped down the stuff and felt slightly livelier, but when she asked for another one, no one replied; they had heard a noise coming from Seymour's room.

"What the…?" Rikku quietly put her ear on the door again, and Tidus and Yuna did the same. (The previously unconscious girl merely glared at them, making a mental note to kick all three of their asses.) "It's Seymour…he's yelling at Tromell again…"

And, indeed, the bastard was. They listened to the conversation silently, making no audible noises:

"_It doesn't make any sense!_ I could _swear_ it was _you_ who gave me the idea to dispatch my men to capture that girl…. But you're telling me, you don't remember doing it?"

Tromell was heard producing a tremendous sigh."_No, _m'lord, for the millionth time, _I don't remember anything_."

Tidus and Yuna looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes; it was obvious something strange was going on… _So it _was _Seymour who ordered for Brynna to be kidnapped… _

"But," Seymour went on, "if it wasn't _you_ who did it, but it was someone who looked _precisely like you_… then don't you know what this means?" There was a pause. "It _means_, Tromell, that someone has been impersonating you… They snuck into my mansion…_and_ _deceived me._"

"My lord…"

"Shut up; I'm not through. There are only two ways they could've done that: by simply disguising themselves as you with mere clothes and a mask, or by magically shape-shifting into your likeness."

No response.

"And," he continued, "furthermore…. Assuming that they shape-shifted into your likeness, there are only a small group of creatures on this planet who have the magical power to do that: _the Gods._"

Yuna gasped.

Quickly, before she could make another audible noise, Rikku clapped her hand over the summoner's mouth.

"…m'lord…what are you trying to say…?" Tromell said, amazed. "Do you mean to tell me that you, sir, believe in _multiple_ deities? Surely a maester would believe absolutely in _one_ god: Yevon…"

"I'm trying to say, Tromell, that the only person that could possibly have been impersonating you…is a God: one of the supreme, omnipotent creatures who rule over us all…. It has nothing to do with 'belief'; it is truth. _Fact_, even. Don't tell me you thought there was only _one_ of them, Tromell," he said sharply. Then, the maester paused. "But… _my_ only question is…why would someone so almighty want to convince _me_ to capture that irksome girl? Why would they give a _damn_ about her?"

Tromell seemed to be deep in thought, for it took him a while to respond. But when he did, it seemed to be something very interesting for Seymour to think about:

"Maester Seymour—perhaps they care about her…for the same reason _you_ care about her…."

The three teens on the opposite side of the door continued eavesdropping for roundly another minute, after which Seymour said something so climactic, disturbing, and shocking that they all slowly pivoted their heads in Brynna's direction, staring at her as if they had just found out something overwhelming about the mystifying girl that they would never have guessed.

_That girl… _Tidus thought, shaken. _…who IS she?_

_

* * *

_

"I'll wait here," Auron said quietly, stopping close to the entrance of the Farplane. "You three go ahead."

After having anticipated this from the beginning (for he had played _Final Fantasy X_ up until the halfway point), Darius looked at him dryly. "Why did you come if you weren't going to enter?"

"There wasn't anywhere else to go," he replied shortly, "except for with Kimahri to stock up on items."

"And no one wants _that_, brudda," Wakka added, understanding. Darius understood as well; it was really quite a simple concept:

Kimahri was too "goffik," as xxxBloodyWrists666xxx would put it.

"How sad," Lulu muttered. "One can't even trust their friends to back them up." However, she proceeded into the Farplane, followed by the two others.

The area was immense, in a seemingly petite way. The Farplane turned out to be only a two-dimensional floor with three-dimensional illusions bordering it so that it looked like the area was floating in the middle of the cloudy sky. "When you walk to the edge of the plain," Lulu explained, pointing in its direction, "if you think of someone you have once known in your lifetime who has died… the pyreflies of the Farplane will sense that memory and build on it, creating a vision of the dearly departed."

"Right. But it's not real, though, right?" Darius questioned. "It's only an apparition?"

She nodded. "Technically, it _is_ an apparition, but you will find that it is very much…_real_." The woman looked at Wakka, who was already gazing sadly at an apparition of his deceased brother, Chappu. "Take Wakka, for instance. If he wants, he may 'summon'…Chappu, and say something to the apparition… and whatever he says will immediately be carried over to the soul of the _real_ Chappu."

The boy thought about this for a moment. "So, technically, you can speak to the souls of the dead… but they can't respond, right? They'll just _hear_ it?" he asked; Lulu nodded. "Then…where do the _real_ souls reside?"

"They reside in the Farplane, but…" The woman looked off into the clouds thoughtfully. "…in a different section. For some reason, according to Yevon's teachings, it's only possible for us to enter the artificial end of the Farplane; the other sections, the _real_ sections, of the Farplane…can't be reached by mere humans."

He shrugged. As Lulu walked off and joined Wakka in staring at Chappu, Darius trotted off alone to another end of the area.

_Do I know anyone dead? _he asked himself. When he realized he didn't, he began to wonder why the hell he'd wanted to come up here anyway. What stupidity— _Huh…?_

"What the hell...?"

His katana-shaped sword Dyrnsyn had begun to glow a vibrant, golden color in its sheath. He gaped, flabbergasted, and wondering what the hell was going on. Pretty soon Dyrnsyn had begun to vibrate and pull itself out of its sheath, lifting itself into the air.

_My sword…IS GOING TO SLASH US ALL! _he thought wildly, trying to grab a hold of it.

But when he did, the thing seemed to be glowing so brightly that its temperature had risen dramatically and burned the palm of his hand. Cursing mentally, the Gary-Stu watched in horror as its glow turned white—then died, and the sword fell with a _clang!_ to the floor.

"What. The. Hell," he repeated, confused, and tentatively picking up his sword. What had Dyrnsyn been doing?

Apparently the sword had a natural reaction to the Farplane…for some strange, creepy reason. Darius quickly remembered how he had encountered the sword in the first place: _In Besaid, Wakka gave it to me, saying he'd found it lying beside me in the middle of the night…_

He thought harder, recalling what had happened.

…_the same night I had that dream… The one with Yuna and Rikku…fighting over me, and picking me over Tidus…_

Was it a coincidence that Dyrnsyn had randomly showed up _next to Darius's bed_ the same night Darius had been dreaming merrily about Yuna and Rikku? And if so, why did Dyrnsyn react to the pyreflies of the Farplane?

Unless it was _made_ of pyreflies itself… But of course _that_ didn't make any sense…

Darius laughed quietly. _My_ _mom would NOT be pleased if she found out about how stupid I've been… _He probably should've had this case solved by now, but he was faaaar too idiotic (and PROUD _of_ it, dammit).

"Welp, looks like I can now say I've effectively advanced the plotline!" he murmured to himself, pumping his fist into the air. "…exit staaaaage…left!"

Exiting the wrong way, he moved a couple of feet to the right—and then halted: An eerie noise had sounded from behind him, stopping him dead in his tracks.

Gradually, afraid of what he would glimpse, he slowly pivoted his head 180 degrees to see what had happened. Pyreflies were slowly joining into one small area, creating the likeness of someone vastly familiar. Before long an apparition of a middle-aged woman stared at him accusingly, as if he had done something horribly sinful.

He was breathless after the split second it took him to recognize the woman.

"…_MOM?!_"

Then his heart almost stopped completely when he realized what it _meant_.

Immediately, a bloodcurdling scream echoed throughout the Farplane; hearing his shout, Wakka and Lulu came sprinting over, screaming, "Who's _that_!?" and "What happened, Dar?!"

But he didn't respond; he was too busy frighteningly staring at what the pyreflies of the Farplane were forming into _now_. His mother suddenly disappeared from view, and in her place stood the rest of his family—dozens of them—aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins….

"SHIT! _NO!_"

Lulu made a sharp intake of breath, realizing what this meant. "Oh my god…"

But the morphing of the pyreflies did not stop; all of the family members disappeared, and apparitions of everyone else Darius had known on Earth, took their place.

Friends—teachers—neighbors—classmates—acquaintances…

Hundreds among hundreds among hundreds among hundreds of people showed up, taking up so much space that the apparition of Chappu that Lulu and Wakka had been looking at, was completely shoved out of the way.

"_FUCK!"_

Thousands of apparitions glared intensely at Darius—he collapsed on the ground and lay there, motionless, his eyes closing slowly…blurring vision…fluctuating vision…fading vision…darkening vision…and then—no vision at all.

Everything had gone black.

He did not get back up.

* * *

Lulu and Wakka snatched up the boy's body and sprinted out of the Farplane. 

"SIR AURON!" Lulu cried, screaming at the man sitting on the ground awaiting their return. He looked up worriedly—and then froze after seeing the unconscious Darius.

"What happened?" he said sharply.

"It's Darius!" Wakka explained. "Something's… We heard him screaming and shouting, and we ran over, and next thing we knew…the Farplane was going _crazy_; thousands of people were appearing— He couldn't handle all the trauma, and passed out…."

"I think something's gone wrong with the Farplane," Lulu said, clarifying things further for Auron. "At first, it started out as just a few people showing up—but then, the numbers rose at an enormous rate! In the end, when Wakka and I took one last glance behind us before exiting, it looked like there could've been a million people there… It was as if everyone he ever met from Zanarkand was showing up out of nowhere, glaring at him, and indicating…."

"No, not from _Zanarkand_…" Auron said quietly, dismayed at what he was hearing. "He's not _from_ Zanarkand, he's from… It was everyone he ever met from—" Lulu and Wakka stared at him. "No! _No!_ I should've _known_…!"

"Known _what_? What does it mean?!" Wakka shouted.

Lulu's head whipped around to face him. "It _means_ that _wherever_ Darius is from… everyone he ever knew could very well be…" She stopped to wipe her eyes, which were now beginning to water with something that looked significantly and surprisingly like tears. "_…dead._"

It was Wakka's turn to gasp loudly.

"Unless…" Lulu said, looking hopeful, "unless it was only a warning from Yevon…a sign that if we don't do something, everyone from Darius's home will—"

But her optimism was in vain when Auron shook his head no. "Impossible. The Farplane does not falter, make mistakes, or lie—it is the _only_ thing on Spira that doesn't. It's…the place of truth and reality, of the present. If the Farplane says everyone has died...it means it. No jokes, no lies, no warnings, no prophecies...it merely shows what has occurred _as of now_."

He shook his head, looking sadly at the unconscious Darius sprawled out over Wakka's shoulder. "If the Farplane indicated they're gone…then it's too late. They're through."

* * *

"Quick, he's coming!" Rikku said hastily, quickly moving away from the door. Tidus, Yuna, and Brynna followed suit. "Act natural!" she added, and the four of them were quick to adopt suspiciously "natural" poses: Tidus was leaned against a wall stroking his chin, Yuna was suddenly staring determinedly at the ceiling, Rikku was inspecting the wall for spider webs and dust, and Brynna was "sexily" lying on the floor with her pinky finger in her mouth. 

The door swung open and Seymour emerged, eyeing the eccentric positions they were in. He made no comment, but instead said, "Ah, so you four are here; did the others die?"

He looked strangely hopeful. Tidus said, "No, they're waiting for us outside," and left it at that. The maester uttered a rather sinful curse that Tidus was sure maesters weren't supposed to use, but did not pursue the subject. His eyes fell on Brynna.

"Ah, so she's awakened!" the maester grinned, eyeballing the girl and looking her up and down. "I see… Perfect timing."

"Perfect timing for _what_?" She looked from Yuna to Tidus to Rikku, confused. "What's going on here?!"

Seymour smiled to reassure her—although he was really only making matters worse. "You'll soon find out, Lady Brynna…"

'_LADY Brynna?!' _Tidus growled mentally, noting that a minute ago Seymour was in his room calling Brynna 'irksome,' and now he was calling her a 'lady.' Rikku seemed to be thinking along the same lines, for there was a look of anger on her face; Yuna, however, looked like she didn't know _what_ to think.

Seymour paced around the room, looking from Yuna to her guardians. "Lady Yunalesca…" he muttered. "…the first person to defeat Sin and rescue Spira from its ravages. And you, Lady Yuna, have inherited her name."

The summoner nodded, but did not look like she knew where he was going with this. "It was my father who named me."

"Lord Braska was entrusting you with a great task. He wanted you to face sin, as Yunalesca did—however, Yunalesca did not save the world alone. To defeat the undefeatable Sin…it took an unbreakable bond of love—of the kind that bonds two hears for eternity."

It was then that he turned _away_ from Yuna and faced…_Brynna._

"I have an important question to ask of you. As I do so, I ask you please bear what I've said in mind…."

She stared at him in horror as he approached gradually, determinedly looking her in the eye. The maester descended on one knee, looking up at her, reached into his pocket and pulled out a glistening ring. He eerily slid it onto her finger, sending chills up everyone's spine.

"_Lady Brynna. Will you marry me?_"

---

Note- Happy holidays to everyone at FFN! Please review if you made it this far; it would would be a great Christmas gift after I've stressed so much over uploading this chapter in GA, where no one in my family had a computer with which I could upload it. n.n It was a miracle I COULD upload it... thanks, and Merry Christmas!

-S


	15. Dream On

Disclaimer- I do not own nothing. (grins suspiciously)  
Note- Thanks for the great reviews from Auron's Fan, Raya (!), Kuro V. Hiragashi, Sydon (Hey there! n.n), Reiko S. Yoshihiro, and too sexy! I love you all, and this chapter is dedicated to Auron's Fan, and very sexy friend and the beta-er of some elements of this chapter, and a muse of mine, Darian. Enjoy!

* * *

Destiny of a Not-So Final Fantasy  
Chapter 15: Dream On

_Darius grasped Dyrnsyn tightly in his hand, staring at the looming figure. As it grew nearer, he realized its shape; he gawked at it incredulously. _

_The figure before him was a shadow of himself. Eerily enough, it even carried a shadow of Dyrnsyn in its right hand._

_"Uh...hi?" he said nervously, waving._

_The shadow blinked. "Who the hell are you?" _

_When Darius did not reply, but instead merely raised his eyebrows as if saying "EXCUSE you?", the shadow smirked and muttered, "Well, they call _me_...Xodan."_

_

* * *

_"Lady Brynna…. Will you marry me?" 

Yuna gasped and clapped a hand to her mouth, Rikku's jaw dropped through the floor, and Tidus just fell over dead. Brynna stared at the half-Guado, amazed at what she was hearing. _Me…?! But, what about… _With widened eyes, she looked down at the glistening ring he had slipped onto her finger. "I..."

" 'Tis for the good of Spira, m'lady." Seymour smiled hopefully up at her, revealing two daddy longlegs and a tarantula crawling across his teeth.

"I... I..."

"If you accept, all of Spira will rejooiiice," he said in a singsong voice, attempting to talk her into jumping up with glee, making out with him, chaining him to the wall, and merrily accepting the proposal.

"I... I..."

"The world will love you!"

"I... I..."

"You'll have fame and glory!"

"I... I..."

"Auron will strip!"

"I... I..."

"_I_ will strip!"

"...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."

"... Alright, _now_ you're just being stupid." Seymour arose from his knees. "I'll ask you again: Lady Brynna, will you marry me?"

She looked down at the glistening ring on her finger. "Maester Seymour, I... don't know what to say..."

There was a pause.

"...EXCEPT _HELL_ TO THE _NO_!"

She snatched the ring off her finger. "You thought I wouldn't notice?" She flung it at him. "THIS IS NOT REAL JEWELRY! IT'S A RING POP! _IT'S CANDY!_"

"Oh, I, uh... Well, it was on sale, and that O'aka idiot was selling them... Besides—"

But he cut himself off as Rikku tapped her foot impatiently, Tidus glared at him, and Yuna raised her eyebrows in a rather amused manner.

"I'll give you a while to think on the answer; you may sleep on it. Please, in the morning before you leave, let me know your answer, Lady Brynna." And saying nothing more, the maester swept back into his room and when he thought no one was listening, he yelled, "DAMN IT, TROMELL! I _TOLD_ YOU SHE'D NOTICE!"

* * *

_"So, you're Xodan, eh?" Dar folded his arms amusedly. "Didn't you take over my body before? Nyllia explained that you were another part of my soul. Have you any clue how damn CREEPY that is?"_

_"Do I care?" Xodan narrowed his eyes, and his mouth curled into a nasty grin. "While you are unconscious, I am going to take over your body—again—and find someone else other than that damned Seer Jade who can answer my questions about The Son and my purpose in the world." _

_"I won't allow you to do that," Darius smirked. "After all, if you did that...it wouldn't be very polite." He gripped Dyrnsyn even harder in his hand and adopted a fighting stance. "Did no one ever teach you any manners?"_

_

* * *

_

_Everyone he's ever known... is dead. _Lulu looked sadly at the young boy in Wakka's arms. _What an interesting plot device!_

The powerful mage remembered the various and warnings Sir Auron had

made so long ago. _I should've... _She swallowed. _...should've paid attention..._

_-_

"S- Sir Auron..." Yuna had looked up at the worn out man. "Please forgive me, but... h-how did you get so badly wounded? Who..." She extended her hand and brushed it lightly against the area surrounding his permanently closed eye. "...did this to you?"

She was still innocent, ignorant of the true world in which she lived. Still, Lulu had noticed that even at such a young age there was a surprising glint in her eye, as if the seven-year-old was inwardly enraged at the idea of someone brutally attacking the only man left from her father's pilgrimage.

The black mage looked from her to Auron before stepping in apologetically. "Yuna! It is impolite to ask such—"

But the Legendary Guardian held up a hand to silence her. "It's fine."

He stepped closer to the future summoner, whose legs had begun to wobble uncontrollably and had finally given way, causing her to collapse helplessly onto her knees. She was grasping two handfuls of sand and slowly letting them seep out of her closed fists and back onto the ground of the Besaid Beach, and her normally pretty face had suddenly contorted into one drenched in tears.

"He's... not coming back, is he?" Yuna held her face in her hands, but Lulu could still see her sobbing face: the girl's eyebrows were wrinkled horribly, her thin mouth had formed into an enormous grimace, and she was still struggling to control the moisture in her eyes and the multiple streams of tears flowing down her cheeks and onto the ground. "He's dead, isn't he? He's gone..." she bawled, between enormous snivels.

"Yuna..." Lulu could only watch sadly. "I'm so sorry..."

Auron approached the child but did not do anything to comfort her; he stood towering directly in front of her for a long time, patiently waiting for her to calm herself. After a long moment the man finally opened his mouth.

"Get up."

She glanced up at him, dried tears showing all over her face. She sniffed loudly, attempting to arise, but didn't seem to be able to find the strength.

Lulu rushed forward to help, but the Guardian stretched out his hand to stop her. "Please, don't."

The black mage stared incredulously at him, surprised as air of seemingly cold authority, but she did not move. The two adults waited for a while until Yuna was properly standing and was tentatively looking up at her late father's guardian.

"I'm sorry, Yuna," he said in a deep, distinct voice. "Braska won't be returning." When Yuna's face contorted once again and she began looking away as if she was ready to begin crying all over again, he quickly put his finger under her chin and directed her gaze back up at him. "But you knew before the pilgrimage began that he wouldn't be coming back if he succeeded.

"Your father...he wanted me to tell you not to cry. It may be important...for you to do so when you need to to—but it solves nothing." His eye darted back and forth between Yuna's left and right eyes.

"But..."

He cut her off. "He sacrificed himself so you and all of Spira could finally rejoice. You have something to be proud of."

Yuna only looked downward, at the ground, suddenly interested in studying the sand. "I- I know... It's just..." She paused. "No, it's nothing. ...Thank you, Sir Auron."

Auron watched her for a while and then muttered, "Remember this conversation." He turned on his heel to leave, but stopped when he reached Lulu.

Keeping his voice low, the man mumbled something audible enough for only her to hear. "A decade from now, a young man named Xodan will arrive, accompanied with Jecht's son." Ignoring Lulu's strange look, he continued, "Allow them to accompany you for a while." He cleared his throat. "Please lead the party to Luca. I will meet you there."

"But Sir Auron! How would you know something like that?"

He looked at her meaningfully. "A Goddess once told me... 'You must choose between life or death. Truth or lies. Fate or misery. Love or hate.'" He was silent for a moment. "'...your fate will not come to you,' she concluded. Her name...was Nyllia."

_'But what does that have to do with...'_ Lulu looked at him strangely and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I don't understand."

"Not today." He only chuckled and began to stride away. "I leave."

-

Lulu shook off the memory. There was no time for that.

After all, she, Wakka, and Auron had more important business: Darius had gone unconscious, and it was for a horribly surprising reason. They just _had_ to get to the Guadosalam mansion to tell the others!

But unfortunately for him, they were in the middle of a Go Fish game. He would have to wait.

"Got any threes?" Wakka said, narrowing his eyes at Auron, who shook his head simply.

"Go fish." Wakka rolled his eyes unsexily, before snatching a card from the top of the pile, looking suspiciously at the other two, and placing it silently in his hand.

"Have you any sevens?" Lulu inquired sophisticatedly, eyeing Wakka with a smirk. Pissed, he reluctantly handed over a seven.

"Hmm... I feel like we've forgotten to do something..." Lulu said thoughtfully, placing Wakka's card in her hand. The three of them all looked at Darius sprawled out on the ground. "And I have a feeling it has _something_ to do with him being unconscious and maybe even dead..."

There was a pause. Then...

"...Nah!"

Another pause.

"Hey, you guys wanna play Egyptian Ratscrew?" Wakka asked.

"Sure!" Lulu shrugged.

Auron nodded. "You deal out the cards, I'm going to get a soda. You want some?"

"Eh, why not?" Wakka lifted one shoulder. "Get me a Diet Sprite. What about you, Lu?"

"Water is fine."

"All right, I'll be back," Auron said.

"All right. Oh, and don't get any ice with those sodas; they trick you that way."

"Eh, sure. Want me to get us some fries too?"

"Yeah, what kind are they?"

"Oh, I believe they're..."

* * *

_"Idiot." Xodan did not bother going into a fighting stance and he did not bother preparing himself. "Have you even been taught how to fight at all? Maybe I should give you some tips." He unsheathed his own sword. "First rule: Don't pick fights with people who are, without exaggerating, thirty times more powerful than you."_

_"Dream on. You're about as powerful as that ant I ate the other night, BASTARD." Dar thrust himself forward and slashed at his shadow, who calmly stepped to the side to easily evade the attack. _

_"Second rule: Don't swing a sword blindly at an enemy." Xodan raised his own katana-shaped weapon and dematerialized into thin air._

'What the hell?'_ Dar looked behind his shoulder and on either side of him, but saw nothing. _'Where did he...?'

_A hand sprang out from beneath the ground and grabbed his ankle. "Third Rule," came Xodan's dark voice from beneath him, "learn to quickly analyze your opponent's strengths and weaknesses."_

_"LET GO!" Darius snatched his foot away, and waited until his opponent had materialized back aboveground. "Bastard..." Springing forward, he quickly swung Dyrnsyn and flicked his wrist at the last moment to allow the blade of the sword to protrude into his opponent's skin with more effectiveness._

_But Xodan blinked, caught the blade with his free hand, and—snapped it in two. _

_"Fourth rule..." he snarled. _

_"Know what the fuck you are doing." _

* * *

Rikku, Tidus, and Yuna all stared blankly at the small girl before them, who beamed and waved back. Then, Tidus spoke up. "Would someone like to tell me why a middle-aged man would propose to an eleven-year-old?" 

Brynna blinked when they all continued to stare at her, as if expecting her to know; she merely shrugged.

"Erm... Question," Yuna said, holding up a finger. "You _are_ 11 years old, correct?"

"Um..." was the little girl's only reply.

Rikku raised both her eyebrows. "Then, is this Seymour guy a pedophile or something? Or am I just crazy?"

"I don't think pedophiles are eligible to be maesters..." Yuna put in.

"...but if he _were_ one," she continued, "he wouldn't have proposed to her; he merely would have kidnapped her and tried to..." She froze.

Tidus gasped audibly and said, "But he DID kidnap her!"

"We... we can't be sure of that. Besides, I have a feeling...that there was a much more important reason."

Brynna, who had not contributed to the conversation at all, finally spoke up. "Um... Guys? Maybe we should tell the others about this..."

She was eyeballed.

However, the three of them cheerfully "_skippity skippity skip_"-ed out of the building, where they found Auron, Wakka, and Lulu playing a game of cards. To catch their attention, Brynna cleared her throat and got straight to the point: "Seymour...wants to marry me."

* * *

Auron gawked. 

Lulu gawked.

Wakka gawked.

The cards gawked.

After a long and tiresome explanation of what had occurred in Seymour's mansion (which came from the "mystical" Tidus, who _could_ indeed wrap his arms around his own shoulders), Lulu shook her head incredulously. "Peculiar... A maester, marrying a lowly brat off the streets? It's...unheard of!" And at the look on Brynna's face, she shrugged and added, "No offense."

Tidus frowned. _What's the point, why is it such a big deal? Can't she just tell him no?_ He looked at the disgusted expression on the girl's features._ Do they even like each other at all?! _

Auron narrowed his eyes, thinking deeply. _I don't see why he would be interested in Brynna; unlike Yuna, she is seemingly of no political, magical, or physical value. What does he want of her? _

It simply didn't make sense. I mean, let's think about this:

Brynna is eleven.

Brynna is flat.

Brynna has no force. (And I DON'T mean the force from Star Wars, either.)

Brynna has no sexual inclinations with old, musty, long-nailed men.

No old musty, long-nailed men have any sexual inclinations with _Brynna_.

Quite a simple concept, ne?

Therefore, Seymour's reasoning for proposing to such a girl was either stupid, nonexistent, or pedophilistic. _I_ for one, vote the latter.

And interestingly, those were the exact thoughts of every single one of Yuna's guardians at this particular moment. Still, the whole idea of marrying a maester was not particularly soothing to poor little Brynna. Hence, she held her finger into the air importantly and announced, "It doesn't matter. I'm _not_ marrying him."

At this point, Auron was wondering just what the maester would do if she turned him down. Certainly the man would not merely sit and watch while Yuna and her guardians all continued the pilgrimage, right?

"Are you certain?" he asked quietly.

Brynna nodded, but a certain ex-blitzball captain jumped into the middle of the group frantically, as if he had lost his mind.

"Of course she's not!" he shouted. "No Spiran may _ever_ deny a maester, no matter _what_ he asks!! She must accept the proposal! Denying a maester is sinful, wrong, and unethical, ya?! Plus, maesters can easily kick small girls' asses if they reject them! AND, Maester Seymour might never again invite them over! Not to mention the fact that in an alternate universe Seymour could really be an albino, rabid bunny from FFXII—one of the "neutral" ones that scream and run in circles when you attack—and he could therefore cut them up, serve them on a bun, and munch on them like Michael Jackson munching on the little boy from Home Alone!!!"

The entire group fell over.

Brynna quickly recovered, and walked forward. "God?" she called, looking up to the sky. "Why? WHY?! WHY DID YOU DAMN US TO ACCOMPANY THAT IDIOT FOR FIFTEEN CHAPTERS?"

And in response, God's authoritative, booming voice thundered down from the Heavens:

(1) "There's just something about you that pisses me off..."

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" 

She paused and took in a deep breath.

"...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

She paused and took in a deep breath.

"...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

She paused and took in a deep breath.

"...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Lulu glared at her. "Rikku? Are you quite finished, or am I going to have to Thundaga your frisky ass?"

Rikku inhaled dramatically. Then...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH—"

_**ZAP.**_

As the poor girl sizzled and fizzed, Tidus exchanged looks with Wakka and mouthed the words, 'Can't you control her?' Wakka merely shrugged hopelessly and shook his head as if pitying himself. "Rikku, can't you calm down at all?" Tidus asked calmly. "It's only—"

But she couldn't hear him; she was crouched over, frightened, covering her ears desperately with the palms of her hands.

Lulu snatched them and threw them down. "Rikku, I like you, I believe you are a pleasant person, and you seem to be well-qualified as Yuna's guardian...so I very much hope I won't have to kill you. Therefore, please stop screaming every time you hear a roll of thunder, or I'm afraid I am going to have to properly kick your rowdy behind."

Rikku glared at her. " _'Roll' _of thunder?!" she argued loudly. "These are not just ROLLS, they are BOOMS and CRACKLES!"

Needless to say, five seconds later Rikku's rowdy behind had been properly kicked.

As they proceeded farther into the Thunder Plains—which, as Lulu had explained when they first entered, was forever undergoing a rather disruptive thunderstorm—a few members of the party began to whistle contently, and a _certain_ member of the party continued to scream rowdily and consequentially get zapped.

Brynna contented herself with cart-wheeling up the Thunder Plains instead of just walking. Wakka contented _him_self with bouncing up the Thunder Plains on his blitzball. Auron contented himself with rolling his eyes at a few of the others while traveling through the Thunder Plains. Yuna, who was apparently too high and mighty to actually journey on two feet like everyone else, decided to summon Valefor and fly up the Thunder Plains. Rikku, annoyingly, hid herself under Auron's coat. Only Lulu walked up the Plains like a proper human being.

Darius, who was still unconscious, was being dragged up the Plains by the ankles by Tidus.

However, all of this inappropriateness quickly came to a halt the moment the party sighted a fork in the road up ahead.

"Should we split up?" Yuna asked, dismounting from her immense bird, who flew off into the distance. "I mean... up until now we've managed to stay close together..."

"Spl- Split up?!" Rikku repeated, momentarily emerging from the coat of Auron. "But if we don't stick together, I'll...be even _more_ frightened!"

"Oh _please_." Lulu irritably stepped forward to take authority. "We're splitting into two groups: the men will take the left path, and the women will take the right path. We'll meet back up at Rin's Travel Agency Slash Motel at the edge of the plains. Understood?"

"But...what about me?" Wakka asked. "Which group do _I_ go in?"

"I suppose you can go with the men," Lulu sighed, "seeing has how you don't really belong in _either_ group."

The females giggled.

The males smirked.

Wakka broke into song.

Thus, it was decided: Wakka, Tidus, Auron, and the unconscious Darius—who was now being carried by Auron again (no one had dared to ask what had happened to him)—shuffled to the left while Yuna, Rikku, Lulu, and Brynna shuffled to the right.

* * *

Back in Guadosalam, the store clerk smiled kindly. "Your summoner must really like you to trust you enough to buy everyone's weapons. You are truly lucky." 

Kimahri Ronso nodded proudly, carefully placing all of the weapons and items in his imaginary back pocket. "Yes," he said simply. "Summoner Yuna love Kimahri very much; Kimahri and Yuna very close. Yuna will _never_ forget Kimahri!"

With that, he turned on his heel and left the weapon shop—then froze. Neither Yuna nor her guardians were anywhere to be seen. He checked in the Farplane, down his pants, between a random Guado's cheeks (and I DON'T mean the ones on his face), in the trash can, inside a boiled egg, and even in Seymour's mansion.

"YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

"Did you hear that?" Yuna said suddenly, stopping. 

"Hear what?"

She thought for a moment. "Nothing, it's probably just my imagination." The girl continued walking through the plains with her other female guardians while Brynna, a few feet up ahead, took the liberty of either killing or scaring off all the fiends for the group. "It's just... I have a feeling that we've forgotten someone..." Yuna said.

"Y- You think, Yunie?" Rikku looked up at the summoner, after jumping and screaming at a flash of lightning.

"No, nevermind," she said, shrugging it off. "I'm probably just...imagining things to get my mind off of Maester Seymour's proposal..." She still couldn't believe it. "And I guess I shouldn't even bother asking what's wrong with Darius..."

"No, you shouldn't," Lulu said firmly. "And that proposal...was as much of a shock to you at it is to the rest of us."

"HEY!" Brynna whipped around and waited for them to catch up. "I'M the one in danger here! What's he going to do when he realizes we just up and left like that?! COME AFTER US, THAT'S WHAT!"

"He's a good man, though, he just..." Yuna sighed, unable to think of any excuse for him. "It'll be all right, don't worry, Brynna." She beamed at her friend, but Brynna only scowled in response.

"Let's hurry up so we can still meet up with the men on time, even if this is a longer route," Lulu suggested, now beginning to power-walk.

There was a long moment consisting of nothing but scaring/killing off fiends and walking at a brisk pace before someone spoke up again.

"You... don't like them very much, do you, Lulu?"

It was Rikku who had said it.

"What do you mean?"

"Well..." Looking around as if to make sure no lightning was going to occur while she spoke, she continued. "I've only just joined you guys, but I've noticed that you never seem to... smile when you're around them. It's as if you...can't stand Darius or Tidus, or...even Wakka..." Rikku looked at the mage with what looked like both worry and sympathy. "I- In fact, you never seem to smile...around _anyone_..."

Lulu was not moving any longer.

She had froze, staring at the newest member to the party as if she had just said something overwhelmingly startling. The woman lowered her gaze and soon found herself looking at the ground.

"Is that... what you think? I'm not...content around them?" She shook her head sadly, and smiled in a bitter manner. "I've known Wakka all my life, but Darius and Tidus... I know each of them well; I just have a problem with trusting men."

It seemed like the woman was having a vastly difficult time explaining this; Rikku stopped walking and listened, as did the others. "A... a problem with...?"

"With trusting men," Lulu repeated quietly. "Why did you think I separated us into these _particular_ groups? Chappu was someone I...cared for. Deeply. But, he's gone now, and he took both my heart and my trust with him. Tidus, the one who claims to be from Zanarkand—he looks just like him. When I see Tidus...I see Chappu."

"Lulu..." Yuna murmured. _She's...never talked like this before..._

"And the one who calls himself Darius? He has Chappu's personality," the woman continued. "They both remind me of him, as does Wakka, and so I suppose I'm... protective of all of them, and at the same time...I can't trust them." She looked up at Yuna, who stared back, astonished. "But they're your guardians, Yuna. They are risking their lives for you, so..." She cleared her throat, and looked into the sky. "...I respect them greatly." The mage glanced at Rikku and Brynna and said, "You too."

"Awwww! Group hug!" Brynna cried, glomping all three of them.

"Um... Pardon me," a voice suddenly uttered. "I don't mean to interrupt this rather interesting-looking orgy moment, however..." Yuna quickly arose and took a closer look at the woman speaking: She immediately recognized her as Belgemine. "...I was wondering if your aeons have improved at all, Summoner."

"Erm... I suppose they have, a _bit,_ maybe... But I don't think this is a good time to—"

"Perfect! Let the battle between our aeons...begin!"

"But I don't want to—"

"It's _beginning_, and that's _THAT_."

* * *

Walking. Walking. Walking. Walking. Walking. Walking. Walking. Walk- 

... You get the point.

"How boring," Tidus commented, kicking up dust with his feet. "I've enjoyed _steaks_ better that this."

"Better _that_ this, brudda?" Wakka quirked a brow. "You mean better _than_ this."

"Oh, a typo? I suppose Shadray was too damn lazy to press the Backspace button," said Tidus, smiling sheepishly. "So," Tidus said, "do I even wanna know about why Dar's been knocked out?" He was looking at Auron, for the he obviously did not expect a lowlife like Wakka to know the answer.

"He..." Auron harrumphed. "He passed out when he saw his family and friends in the Farplane."

"What?! But that means..."

Both Auron and Wakka nodded.

Tidus's eyes widened dramatically. _But if he saw them in the Farplane, it means... _Acting casual, the young man placed his hands on his head and leaned his head back, staring at the ominous clouds towering above him. "But then... I don't get it..."

"It's SIMPLE, brudda!" Wakka exclaimed. "It just means..."

"...that everyone from Zanarkand really has died?" Tidus finished, staring at the ground ominously. _I can't believe it... _"Damn it..." he muttered. "Sin. It's _his_ fault!"

"No—" Auron started, but he was interrupted.

"SHUT _UP_ FOR ONCE! HE DESTROYED ZANARKAND!" He had stopped moving, and was now on the ground on all fours, clutching the soil beneath his hands angrily. "My old man... He destroyed his own—"

"_Tidus!"_

The tone of Auron's voice had been fierce, abruptly shutting up the 17-year-old. "Did he _once_ say he was from Zanarkand?" he snapped, grabbing Tidus by his apparel and throwing him to his feet. "When you first introduced yourself to Wakka and you told him you were of the 'Zanarkand Abes,' did Darius _once_ tell anyone _he_ was from Zanarkand too?" The old man's expression was the most serious Tidus had seen it in a long time.

"W- Wait... how do you know...about how I introduced myself to Wakka? You weren't there!"

Auron "hmph"-ed and continued walking.

"Hey! I'm talkin' to you!"

"Hey, calm down, brudda! That amount of stress can't be good, ya?"

"Oh _shut up_, Wak—" But he stopped, after noticing that the unconscious Darius sprawled out over Auron's shoulder was sweating like mad, and was grunting and struggling as if he were having quite a horrid dream. "Au- Auron, is he all right?"

* * *

_Darius gulped. Hard. _

_Xodan was looming closer and closer, grinning horribly and raising his sword into the air. He didn't see how he would be able to fight a 30-times-stronger version of himself...without Dyrnsyn. _

'Damn that bastard... Snapping Dyrnsyn in half like that... I've got to stop him from taking over my body again, or...'_ He gulped again._ 'I'LL KILL HIM!' _Blindly, the boy charged forward, intending to ram into his enemy, but Xodan side-stepped him and dodged. Darius fell to the ground face-first. _

_Xodan grabbed him by the collar and threw him to his feet, now face to face with him. "And the last rule," he sneered, "is to never—_ever_—mess with me." He grinned. "Now, would you like to discuss this more_ before _or_ after _I take over the body?"_

* * *

Auron, Wakka, and Tidus all stared at the unconscious Darius, who apparently was currently undergoing a dreadful nightmare. 

Or _was_ it a nightmare? Perhaps it was...real?

They shook their heads. "Nah."

Wakkak shrugged. "Still, I'm more worried about Brynna, ya? And even you too, brudda!" He playfully ruffled Tidus's hair. "We still gotta find a way to get you back to Zanar..."

He froze.

A seemingly 20-foot-tall canine fiend was growling menacingly in front of them, ready to attack. Its eyes shined a crimson color, flames emerged from its nose each time it exhaled, and its black, huge exterior left no room for any humorous jokes to be made on the matter. Tidus stared up at it, shocked, as the enormous black dog foamed at the mouth and glared down at him.

"What...the hell is that?" he said, fear showing in his voice.

Auron whipped out his sword without hesitation.

"It's a Hell Hound." He narrowed his eyes at it, as if wondering what it was doing in the Thunder Plains. "They come from the Farplane."

"From the WHAT?" Wakka boomed.

"Someone must have dispatched it," Auron concluded. He nodded toward the demonic creature. "Come. We fight."

* * *

Note- (1) A quote from a novel by Steven King. 

Please, review if you've made it this far into the story. I thank you all, love you all, and shall happily slurp you all in the 16th chapter! Until later,

_"->-"_

_(Shadray's signature)_


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